Big life decision

enthusiasticsaver

PM22 said:

The houses are so lovely... who wouldn't be tempted to put their money worries behind them and leave a dingy flat here in Crawley, even the worst places in Stoke seem to be at least comparable 

I don't disagree with you.  We left the South East for the South West 34 years ago and never regretted it.  The south east is horrendously expensive and overpriced. The houses may well be very nice in Stoke but do your research first and sell up if you want to actually move not just because you want to repay debt.  You presumably are looking online and the houses may look lovely but the area not very nice.  Do you have any family or friends elsewhere you can ask advice from?  Moving on your own is difficult and moving to a brand new area with no support when you have mental health problems may cause you lots of stress which could exacerbate your condition.  I don't think anyone is saying don't do it but just mull it over and do some research on the area and housing, transport, health support etc etc. Even if you move and are able to do so with no mortgage you still have to live when you  move so how would your income be affected? 

PM22

Thank you for your advice - which is really considerate. My desire to move is most certainly motivated by the debt but also,
why should I stay here for 20 years to pay off my dingy flat when I could get back into a mortgage free house? What a wonderful option to have.

I've never been to Stoke, didn't even hear of it until yesterday.I am a vulnerable person for sure.
I do imagine moving there, services being worse, the area can't be worse and not being able to get a job although there do seem to be dental nursing jobs there.

I worry about everything....literally. But I'm so unhappy here and I have a chance to be mortgage free at 45. ~That is golden to me. My daughter, 20, in in Leicester taking a Chemistry degree and my son may enter management in McDonald's or take Economics! at uni. My job is done. As a single parent, it was hard.

I am terrified either way. I need an operation to have my parathyroid glands removed, it is causing a lot of nervousness so I don't want to act until after that.

Thanks for listening

kimwp

Well done on doing your SOA. The gas and electricity seem very high for a flat, is this with the new tarrif? 

I think it is worth remembering that you are likely to be happier elsewhere unless it means certain things change IE better mental health support, network of friends, so if you are moving to improve your happiness, you need to consider places with those in mind.

PM22

I don't really find joy in people though... I don't really like people and I don't like to have friends. I am a bit of a loner and it just feels comfortable to me. I have to maintain 5 miles of space around me at all times. My sister lives 4 miles away and I last saw her in March 2021. There's no animosity, I just keep myself to myself and decline all invitations. Not a healthy life, but a safe one

RosaBernicia

enthusiasticsaver said:

PM22 said:

The houses are so lovely... who wouldn't be tempted to put their money worries behind them and leave a dingy flat here in Crawley, even the worst places in Stoke seem to be at least comparable 

I don't disagree with you.  We left the South East for the South West 34 years ago and never regretted it.  The south east is horrendously expensive and overpriced. The houses may well be very nice in Stoke but do your research first and sell up if you want to actually move not just because you want to repay debt.  You presumably are looking online and the houses may look lovely but the area not very nice.  Do you have any family or friends elsewhere you can ask advice from?  Moving on your own is difficult and moving to a brand new area with no support when you have mental health problems may cause you lots of stress which could exacerbate your condition.  I don't think anyone is saying don't do it but just mull it over and do some research on the area and housing, transport, health support etc etc. Even if you move and are able to do so with no mortgage you still have to live when you  move so how would your income be affected? 

I second this, having also left the SE.  House prices vary for good reason and it is very hard to get an accurate picture of an area without spending time there, including at all hours of the day.  Nobody trying to sell you a house is going to tell you the bad points.  There are cheap areas in every town and often similar problems that explain why. 

Moving is stressful for everyone and particularly difficult if you are on your own or have difficulty planning and organising (which may be relevant for you, as you've said you can be impulsive).  Can you spend some time exploring the areas that you are looking at, for example going up over a Friday and Saturday to talk to local agents, walk around during the day, have a coffee, drive through in the evening?  Also if you need a job, then perhaps you could start there and see if you can find something that suits you in a new area? 

RosaBernicia

Also just regarding your SOA, I'm not sure what you mean about buildings insurance being paid to the Council.  Do you mean you have a service charge or similar that includes it? 

PM22

Private dental practices won't entertain anyone until they live up the road so no point in looking for a job until I'm physically relocated there. That's a huge worry for me but I'm not naiive and I know the mind of dentists! They only hire the they're on their knees...

It's all a terrible worry

What will happen if I stay here and don't have any money for a DMP until January? Will they start coming to the flat?

PM22

RosaBernicia said:

Also just regarding your SOA, I'm not sure what you mean about buildings insurance being paid to the Council.  Do you mean you have a service charge or similar that includes it? 

I really don't know....think I paid something in January as it's law that you have it but cannot be sure

I know...I'm tragic when it comes to money

enthusiasticsaver

PM22 said:

Private dental practices won't entertain anyone until they live up the road so no point in looking for a job until I'm physically relocated there. That's a huge worry for me but I'm not naiive and I know the mind of dentists! They only hire the they're on their knees...

It's all a terrible worry

What will happen if I stay here and don't have any money for a DMP until January? Will they start coming to the flat?

Please put worries about them coming to the flat out of your mind.  Unsecured debtors have very little teeth when it comes to getting money out of people.  The usual practice if you default on the debts by not making the minimum payments is to sell the debt on and then you can either make an arrangement direct or do a DMP through stepchange or just tell them you cannot afford anything and they will review usually in 6 months to see if your circumstances  have changed.  

Maybe you could explore options by contacting possible employers but I would imagine dental nurses are probably quite sought after so not the worst idea to move areas particularly if you are not attached to the area you live in now.  I think @RosaBernicia makes a good suggestion to go up and look around the Stoke .  Can you stay with your daughter?  

tboo

From her other thread

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6347660/what-happens-if#latest

What happens if ..you cannot pay a DMP as you have no surplus

Do not own your own property but you do have a declaration of trust that says you will get all the equity (My ex husband owns/mortage in his name but the proceeds will come to me) Long story....
You have a long term health condition but can work, in my case, bipolar 
Can they apply for a charging order?

OP what are the actual benefits you get, ie child benefit, WTC etc.

Just asking because they could end sooner rather than later and the amount is then lost.