Big life decision

EssexHebridean

I agree about making a list of the sorts of things that you would ideally like around you. Also - you currently appear to have a long commute, assuming that you are happy in your current employment have you looked at areas within the same distance but perhaps in different directions to see if there are any that might give you better options for living than where you are now? what sort of thing do you like to do in your spare time - that could influence where you want to live to. If you DO end up deciding on a completely new area I'd also second making certain of employment first and foremost, and then renting for a 6 month period while you find somewhere to live. 

I appreciate that it is the mental health issues that make this one difficult to shake off but for absolute clarity - NOBODY IS GOING TO THROW YOU OUT OF YOUR HOME FOR UNSECURED DEBTS.  It might help to write that one down, and stick it up somewhere visible. If your reason for selling your home is purely to clear those debts above all else, then that is NOT a good reason to sell your home. If it's 50% because you loathe living there, and 50% for clearing debt, then maybe closer to being a solid reason, but still shaky. 

Are you still using credit cards or payday loans? If so then that is something else you need to absolutely ensure that you tackle before any thoughts of selling your home even get given full consideration. Otherwise the risk is that you will continue with those habits even once mortgage free and still end up struggling. Your bipolar may make handling stuff like that difficult I'd imagine - could your son perhaps help with being a "sounding board" for you to run purchases past before actually clicking the "pay now" button? 

This situation truly is sortable, but you definitely need to stop, take a step back, and start making reasoned rather than knee-jerk decisions. Another list that might be helpful is one setting out what you expect to gain by uprooting and moving to an entirely new area. In fact - actual "pro's and cons" on that - so for example it might mean you are in nicer surroundings (pro) but might also mean that you feel less "safe" because of having to learn your way round a new area where you don't know which streets are a bit dodgy, and that sort of thing (con). 

PM22

Wow. Thank you for taking the time to reply so thoroughly. I will read again later and consider the points you made. 

A pros and cons list has put moving to the top of the list but am I measuring the right things?

enthusiasticsaver

I think it would be useful to think about the reasons why you want to move (apart from paying off debt which should be the last reason.)  You say you do not  like your current flat or your area.  What about your job?  What would happen with your son/daughter who are not yet financially independent from the sound of it?  Do you have any other friends or family nearby?  You say you are an introvert but do you have any support network around you? It is a big decision to move, let alone to another part of the country.  It could be the best thing ever (it was for us) or it could be an expensive mistake. Listing pros and cons is a good start and doing some research on different areas.  If you are looking for a cheap house though you will probably need to start further North so Stoke could be a good option.  I would start with a visit to see how you like it and maybe rent for a while as EH suggests. 

Sncjw

Have you secured a job before moving

 If not how would you afford to live. Your in debt at the moment that shows your struggling so surely you will struggle even more.yes you would use some money to pay off the debts from sale of flat hit you might findyou need money for moving costs, solicitor fees, surveys, land registry. Therefore you may not have as much money as you think you would thus gettig back into debt.

RosaBernicia

It can be fun to visit different areas to explore, and kind of helps bring the idea into reality - just more slowly and carefully than taking one big jump with the resulting big risk of landing in a lot of stress and jobless in an unfamiliar area.  I do understand how exciting it all is and moving can seem like the one solution when you are unhappy, but thinking things through and researching places helps turn the 'aarrrgh I need to move!' into a real hope and sound decisions.  I enjoyed my househunting research trips and it was really helpful in narrowing down where I wanted to live.  I realised things about my own needs that I hadn't thought of or changed my mind about some options. 

Depending where you are and what you want, it might even be possible to stay at your job and move somewhere nicer but still commutable? There are some cheaper areas in the south, again it depends what's right for you.

kimwp

My mentor once said to me, "don't make decisions while in a high emotion - negative or positive". I think it was very good advice (though listening to your emotions is vital to figure out if a change is needed!)

The problem is recognising when your emotional state is such that a decision might be made sensibly - high emotions have a tendency to narrow focus and make certain things seem more important or irrelevant and the world we live in is the one we perceive at that moment. With bipolar disorder, I imagine that recognising a state of being likely to make poor decisions and then pulling back on making the decision would be even more difficult to do. The best thing is to have a/several trusted person/people to talk to about decisions. Another thing would be to have some way to identify an unreliable state - but this will be easier to counteract with unreliable reasoning.

Do you have someone you can trust and will listen to during an episode?

PM22

I think therein lies the problem. My parents have passed and I have no family or friends because I am introverted.

Sometimes, I'd love to talk it over but there is no one. The cat doesn't really answer!

Thank you for all your replies which I am considering alot

moving_forward

We are here remember to talk things through. Do what your already doing ask for advice.

RosaBernicia

Well, being introverted doesn't have to mean being without friends - it just means finding them in different places    (I am an introvert, and so are most of my friends.)

Perhaps thinking through the kind of place you'd like to live and things you'd like to do will help identify some ways to make new friends too. 

Andyjflet

Good things about the internet forum is you can be whoever you want to be :-)