help need help!!!!

Gorgeous_George

I know a family who have always sponged off the State. When their youngest child left school and their benefits dropped, they adopted one of their grandchildren.

I doubt that their case is isolated.

Yes, we need children. How nice it would be for working couples to have them. If Charles Darwin's theory is right, I fear for the future of mankind.

GG

Bogof_Babe

In our local free paper this week there is a woman ranting about having been on the waiting list for a bigger council place since 1997. She is currently in a two-bed flat, with four children, aged 16, 9, 5 and 18 months. Doesn't take a genius to work out how many of them she produced since going on the list :rolleyes: .

She should have thought about her accommodation situation before making herself even more overcrowded, rather than (as I suspect) churning out kids in an attempt to get a bigger place. It has backfired on her, as she is not classed as homeless, so she just has to wait in the queue. Not the kids' fault, but they are now the victims of her stupidity.

Mozette

jyonda wrote: »

Mozette, It's a little unnerving how you describe having kids as a 'lifestyle choice'. It may seem an unnecessary luxury to you to have children but who's going to wipe the dribble from your geriatric chin? Not your grandkids that's for sure. Not minding contributing to 'education and such' is the glue which holds civilised society together and allows you to make those 'lifestyle choices' so it's not just something that benefits others.

Well I wouldn't view having children in order for them and their children (supposing they choose, or indeed can have them) to look after me in my old age as a great reason for having children. I didn't say having children was an unnecessary luxury; but having children is a choice, if you want to have children, you might have to do without other things for example. I'm sure lots of others on here do that, I'm not generalising; but to get pregnant as a means to getting a house, when the parents, and rest of the family seem to have no intention of supporting them just seems plain wrong to me. As well as a dreadful reason for having a child in the first place.

Being a parent is a very important 'occupation' for want of a better word, and I happen to think that children should be wanted and cherished for their own sake, not had as a means to an end. I see a lot of excellent parents, but far too many 'career mothers' who have no real interest in their children other than what they can get by dint of having them.

And as for who will wipe my chin when I'm old, well with no children it is hardly likely that I'll have any grandchildren if I'm not up to doing it myself, then it'll be suicide; I have no desire to live if I'm a drooling wreck who can't look after myself.

Hope your children appreciate your reasons for having them - personally I'd find that 'unnerving'.

mishmash

Hi All

I have been trying to ignore this thread, as I have a personal interest. I "fell" pregnant at 17, was doing my A levels planning to go to Uni. I was on the pill. The father (my boyfriend) was 21, earning a good wage and bought a litlle 2 bed terrace. At that time, the prices were low after a crash in the market.

It was however at the time of the (then) governmets 'back to basics' campaign, where young single mothers were villified in the press as the scurge of all evil. My family are very anti abortion, at the time this was my preffered option- I was not able to go against their wishes. I am (of course) glad now; that I did not.

My first antenatel told me I was pregnant with twins. I was young, scared and needed support. Instead the first question the consultant asked me was; "have you got pregnant to get a council house". I had not. This was the kind of prejudice I faced through pregnancy and beyond. People would openly criticise me in the shops or street denouncing me as a bad mother and a scrounger off the state. I believe I am and was a good enough mother and with my partner working we could only claim child benefit.

After a couple of years, my partner tired of playing happy families-took up with another woman and left me and the children homeless and penniless. He would not even let me take the kids beds. I got legal advice- they said as we were never married I had no claim.

I went to my parents and waited nearly 2 years to get a council house. I was working part time and could not afford a mortgage- the housing associations refused my application on the grounds that they could not house me? We were in very overcowded conditions. When the council finally offered me a house in a poor area I took it. All I can say is that it was unfit for anybody to live in. I spent over a week cleaning it, had to put heating, kitchen and carpets in. Along with a full redecoration and I had no furniture or even a tea cloth. I had saved while at my parents but soon fell into debt.

I was working and had gone back to college, My ex still had a good job and great lifestyle-yet it took me 10 years to get any maintenance from him. Once I got my degree I paid back my debt and while working did voluntary work in my community. This eventually lead to the areas improved perception.

I was a social worker for a number of years, I have never met anyone who has said they got pregnant to get a council house. Even if I knew someone who had; I would pity them, for they know not what they do. Life in social housing can often be tough, life on benefits can often be tougher.

WE have a social care system in this country which is set according to means and needs (generally). Of course we should not lie to get a service, but we should not villify those in need. Life has a funny way of ending up, I never thought I would end up a statistic, always being told I was a bright young thing. I only faired as well as I did due to great friends and even greater family. I look at others and do think "there for the grace of god".

For those of you who wish to demonise the girls I used to be, I would urge caution. Even if your views are right (which I do not believe they are) what can you constructively do to make things better. You could help out at schools or parenting centres. Or you could come onto a site like this and kick people who (lets face it) are already down.

Sorry but the wine got the better of me and I could not bite my tongue any longer.

Night x