Girlfriend Keeping Me Separate

salesman1979

GreenCat80 said:

It sounds like you don’t actually like her son? I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t like my child, for me that would be a much bigger issue than my mothers thoughts on it

What makes you think that? Seems like a very harsh assessment to be honest. 

salesman1979

We have spoke about my concerns since I posted this and I’m happy with the way things are. I get her position in that she doesn’t want to fall out with her family and she can’t be bothered listening to their opinions no matter how well meaning they are. 

We also had a great day out with the kids yesterday. Ultimately acceptance from her son is far more important to me than from anyone else. 

HRH_MUngo

If she, as a grown woman, has to 'hide ' you from her parents, I don't think it bodes very well for the success of the relationship.  Move on while you still have some self respect left.

Ath_Wat

Well it's really none of her mother's business, but the thing is if she has a young son and that son for whatever reason doesn't want you in his life, let alone living with them, then he really shouldn't be forced into accepting that. Once he's independent things will be different.

(Of course her mother's reaction to you might be based on the fact that her grandson has told her repeatedly he doesn't like you, in which case it's all  really part of the same thing. Of course, it might not be based on that at all.)

Mojisola

Ath_Wat said:

Well it's really none of her mother's business, but the thing is if she has a young son and that son for whatever reason doesn't want you in his life, let alone living with them, then he really shouldn't be forced into accepting that. Once he's independent things will be different.

Isn't he 18/19?

"Her marriage ended before it even started really. She got pregnant to the guy, he said he would stand by her, they stayed together but he was horrible to her from the start. She endured it for 19 years for the sons sake basically until everything finally reached breaking point and she ended it."

The son might resent his mother having another man in her life but he can't expect her never to date again - it's worth taking it slow - as the son gets his own life/job/goes to uni, he may not be so concerned about how his mother choses to live her life.

Ath_Wat

Mojisola said:

Ath_Wat said:

Well it's really none of her mother's business, but the thing is if she has a young son and that son for whatever reason doesn't want you in his life, let alone living with them, then he really shouldn't be forced into accepting that. Once he's independent things will be different.

Isn't he 18/19?

"Her marriage ended before it even started really. She got pregnant to the guy, he said he would stand by her, they stayed together but he was horrible to her from the start. She endured it for 19 years for the sons sake basically until everything finally reached breaking point and she ended it."

The son might resent his mother having another man in her life but he can't expect her never to date again - it's worth taking it slow - as the son gets his own life/job/goes to uni, he may not be so concerned about how his mother choses to live her life.

If he is 18/19 then absolutely it's none of his business either.  The fact that he was talking about them all living together as a family made me assume he was younger.  If an adult doesn't like who their parent marries they can move out.

EP456

salesman1979 said:

RogerBareford said:

salesman1979 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Why did her marriage end? Was she the innocent party? 

Tbh I can see her mum's pov, especially if your gf was the one who got hurt. Last time Mum met you, you were a little oik (by your own admission) so she's expecting you to hurt her daughter again.

of course you could always show the mum that you've grown up & now are a responsible adult. 

Her marriage ended before it even started really. She got pregnant to the guy, he said he would stand by her, they stayed together but he was horrible to her from the start. She endured it for 19 years for the sons sake basically until everything finally reached breaking point and she ended it. 

Our original relationship ended mainly due to us being young. She was moving away to university and didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship. She’s always told me this was the biggest mistake she’s ever made. 

Yes I was a bit of an antisocial teenage rebel in my younger days but nobody can ever deny that I’ve always treated her like a princess. Even in the last 20 years I’ve always been there if she needed anything. She’s always been my best friend. 

Obviously I’ve matured a lot, I have my own business which is going really well etc. her mum knows all of this. 

salesman1979 said:

Savvy_Sue said:

Well, you need to speak to her about this. 

If she wants to make a go of it, her Dad may be a useful ally. But she has to be willing to stand up to her mum, and to work out how you can develop a relationship with her son.

I’m confident I can do both given the chance but the problem is that I’m not being given the chance to try. 

We have a day out planned with all the kids and I’m very concerned about how it’s gonna go. I fear her son will have a tantrum and demand to go home the second something doesn’t go his way. 

So her son is an adult but still has tantrums and demands to go home, or are you talking about another younger son she has aswell?

I also have to agree with other comments that if she is in her 40's and she may not be able to continue a relationship with you because of what her mum thinks and is actively hiding you from her then i really don't think you should get your hopes up at all this is going to go anywhere. If she was serious about you then at her age she should be telling her mum that you are together because that is what she has chosen and shouldn't be hiding you away like she is still a teenager.

Sorry that was a typo. Her relationship lasted 10 years not 19. 

She has one son. 

See above