Break up I don't want

RogerBareford

amanda_p said:

When my son divorced, they did the financial settlement first. He moved out and rented somewhere and still paid his half of the mortgage. It was pretty galling as he had three times as much saved as her, due to doing many locum shifts( he is a doctor) which she couldn't handle as he was always working. Her savings and his were lumped together and then split 50-50. She did very well out of that.

It was all done with solicitors and everything was taken into account, you cannot do it without legal support. He ended up buying her out and she bought her own property.

It was reasonably amenable with obviously some bumps along the way but one thing he found incredibly petty was they had accrued quite a large collection of wine over the years. When she moved out she took the lot and left him a cheap bottle of Aldi wine in the fridge!

I think this is a bit of a strange way of thinking when it comes to marriage and divorce.

A marriage is a legally binding agreement to combine finances and share everything equally. So anything you have before your effectively agreeing to share and anything you build up after your agreeing to share.

So even though he may have had savings accounts seperate to hers they are shared maritial assets and if they both got 50/50 then that is perfectly fair and she certainly didn't do "very well out of that" by getting her half she was legally entitled too.

People shouldn't get married if they have any issues with sharing their current assets and assets going forward.

Gycraig

RogerBareford said:

amanda_p said:

When my son divorced, they did the financial settlement first. He moved out and rented somewhere and still paid his half of the mortgage. It was pretty galling as he had three times as much saved as her, due to doing many locum shifts( he is a doctor) which she couldn't handle as he was always working. Her savings and his were lumped together and then split 50-50. She did very well out of that.

It was all done with solicitors and everything was taken into account, you cannot do it without legal support. He ended up buying her out and she bought her own property.

It was reasonably amenable with obviously some bumps along the way but one thing he found incredibly petty was they had accrued quite a large collection of wine over the years. When she moved out she took the lot and left him a cheap bottle of Aldi wine in the fridge!

I think this is a bit of a strange way of thinking when it comes to marriage and divorce.

A marriage is a legally binding agreement to combine finances and share everything equally. So anything you have before your effectively agreeing to share and anything you build up after your agreeing to share.

So even though he may have had savings accounts seperate to hers they are shared maritial assets and if they both got 50/50 then that is perfectly fair and she certainly didn't do "very well out of that" by getting her half she was legally entitled too.

People shouldn't get married if they have any issues with sharing their current assets and assets going forward.

Can see why it would be annoying being divorced for “working to much” then her taking half the savings you earned by working harder than she did. 

It may be legal but yes she did “very well” out of that. 

She divorced him not the other way, he was happy to work hard to provide a good life for his partner, she wasn’t happy about that. 

RogerBareford

Gycraig said:

RogerBareford said:

amanda_p said:

When my son divorced, they did the financial settlement first. He moved out and rented somewhere and still paid his half of the mortgage. It was pretty galling as he had three times as much saved as her, due to doing many locum shifts( he is a doctor) which she couldn't handle as he was always working. Her savings and his were lumped together and then split 50-50. She did very well out of that.

It was all done with solicitors and everything was taken into account, you cannot do it without legal support. He ended up buying her out and she bought her own property.

It was reasonably amenable with obviously some bumps along the way but one thing he found incredibly petty was they had accrued quite a large collection of wine over the years. When she moved out she took the lot and left him a cheap bottle of Aldi wine in the fridge!

I think this is a bit of a strange way of thinking when it comes to marriage and divorce.

A marriage is a legally binding agreement to combine finances and share everything equally. So anything you have before your effectively agreeing to share and anything you build up after your agreeing to share.

So even though he may have had savings accounts seperate to hers they are shared maritial assets and if they both got 50/50 then that is perfectly fair and she certainly didn't do "very well out of that" by getting her half she was legally entitled too.

People shouldn't get married if they have any issues with sharing their current assets and assets going forward.

Can see why it would be annoying being divorced for “working to much” then her taking half the savings you earned by working harder than she did. 

It may be legal but yes she did “very well” out of that. 

She divorced him not the other way, he was happy to work hard to provide a good life for his partner, she wasn’t happy about that. 

How do you know the details of why they divorced? Unless you somehow know the people involved all we have to go on is a brief post from the guys mother so nowhere near enough information to go on why they actually divorced.

Your making a lot of assumptions when their is no basis at all for them.

But what we do know if that they both signed a legal agreement to share everything 50/50 going forwards and that's what happened when they divorced so perfectly fair and exactly what each person was entitled to and deserved.

If he chose to spend more time at work earning extra money and less time with his wife then that makes no difference to the agreement they made to share everything and people shouldn't enter into marriage if they don't agree with sharing everything financially.

Emmia

amanda_p said:

When my son divorced, they did the financial settlement first. He moved out and rented somewhere and still paid his half of the mortgage. It was pretty galling as he had three times as much saved as her, due to doing many locum shifts( he is a doctor) which she couldn't handle as he was always working. Her savings and his were lumped together and then split 50-50. She did very well out of that.

It was all done with solicitors and everything was taken into account, you cannot do it without legal support. He ended up buying her out and she bought her own property.

It was reasonably amenable with obviously some bumps along the way but one thing he found incredibly petty was they had accrued quite a large collection of wine over the years. When she moved out she took the lot and left him a cheap bottle of Aldi wine in the fridge!

Perhaps the 'always working' contributed to the break-up? The money earned by working all the time, is all well and good, but eventually, someone might get to the point where they'd like to see or spend time with their spouse rather than them heading off for 'yet another shift'...

activemum

I am sorry to hear about your situation but I genuinely feel there will be light at the end of the tunnel for both of you. Events in our life sometimes occur when we neglect areas of our life that needed much more of our attention and care. Results can often guide us to a better place after we accept them for what they are and work on ourselves. It seems that currently trying to win your wife back is only going to push her away. Seeing someone trying to salvage something desperately is neither endearing or attractive. Right now it is best for you to work on yourself and become the person she once fell in love with. The fact you two were unable to conceive is not something you can control nor is it your fault. Be strong and work on yourself, all else will work itself out. Spend time with your parents, let them see the strong and positive son they gave birth to! 

steveouk

So by way of an update. I have sorted a flat to rent and move in next Saturda the 9th. 
Staying at my parents still until then.
Had my first counselling appointment  last Wednesday and got one each week.
Put deposit on a used car yesterday so got my own car from Tuesday.
Been working on plans for me and things I want to do too.
Got invites for trips out with friends to take up when I am back to Wales. 

anotheruser

shahpriti said:

start meditation, and increase your fertility in natural ways. stay calm and realize your wife what are the situations and what are the solutions we can handle together. Do whatever she wants, make her happy. Good Luck!

Sorry but this is bad advice IMO.

Mediation = good.

Fertility - not that easy.
Depends what the initial problem is.  I would assume as the OP has tried the adoption route, their sperm quality, quantity and mortility is not good at all and adoption would have been one of the only options available to them.  Yes, eating healthier is always a plus and there are supplements you can take to increase sperm health but it all depends on the initial problem of why sperm is not as optimum as it could be.
FYI: there is a slow but steady decline in sperm production from men, but there is no real reason why.

Don't "do whatever she wants" as that's a slippery slope to abuse.
There is a significant difference between changing for someone for the better of both parties and being a pushover.

elsien

The post you’re referring to references meditation, not mediation.
I don’t think they’ve bothered reading the thread. I’m just waiting for their spam post to appear. 

steveouk

Hi all. Well I have been in my flat almost a month now and got all i need from the house for the moment. Been going through counselling which has really helped a lot. Seen the doctor about my anxiety as i had developed a very bad nervous shaking in my hands doctor been really helpful. 
joined a gym and enjoying that too 

Daliah

steveouk said:

Hi all. Well I have been in my flat almost a month now and got all i need from the house for the moment. Been going through counselling which has really helped a lot. Seen the doctor about my anxiety as i had developed a very bad nervous shaking in my hands doctor been really helpful. 
joined a gym and enjoying that too 

Sounds like you are now on top of the situation, and have started to move on with your own life. I know it's hard, but you seem to be on a good path now. Keep going, you can do it, and there is every chance that you will be a great deal happier when the marriage is behind you. xx