Trying to Hide a Secret £20,000 Debt is as Tricky As it Sounds! (:#)

oldage

It might be worth researching compulsive shopping if you’re finding that you’re really struggling to not spend - and in the meantime n it might also be worth trying to swap in another habit for those times that you end up browsing online, even something like watching YouTube or doing a puzzle. I’ve ADHD and I’ve spent vast amounts previously just trying to get a dopamine hit and it’s still not easy to stop myself at times. (Although I find “add to wish list” can divert some of my energy at times.)

Sncjw

Are you going to take up on your husband's offer?  It would save you alot of interest and you could pay him back even sooner than you would have on the debts due to no interest

 

Sarahwithlove

I would suggest logging out of all your online accounts, remove saved passwords etc and ban yourself from browsing. if you use apps delete those. make it harder to shop. I would also consider putting the monthly payments into some kind of savings thats harder for you to reach, maybe premium bonds? they take 3-4 days to cash out. you could set up a standing order for a reasonable amount that wont leave you on too tight of a budget. I would also suggest start planning ahead for one off or ongoing expenses and work out what you need to save each month to fund it. i.e car insurance, mot, service, christmas, birthdays etc. Hopefully that will help you move from a spender to a saver. 

wantabetterlife

You’re very brave for being so honest about your feelings. I agree.. I think if you close the accounts as you go along you avoid the temptation and stop the cycle repeating itself 

CMD79

RelievedSheff said:

I think in your instance you are better off closing down the accounts as and when you can.

If the money isn't available you can't spend it.

I have closed them. I might not have been clear there as I was full rant! I've called every account today to close them. Very, for one example said they couldn't close the account today as they'd need to check if there would be further interest applied. But I have basically closed all the credit cards and credit accounts. 

enthusiasticsaver

Good idea to close the accounts down.  To be honest I thought you had already done that earlier on this year anyway apart from Barclaycard which I think you gave to your husband. 

I think part of the torment you are going through is that you were tackling the problem of the debt by overpaying and have done well to keep on working in spite of your difficulties.  Your husband giving you £10k towards paying off the debt has probably left you feeling as if paying the debt off is a bit of an anti climax because you have not done it on your own.  It was a kind gesture and no doubt it has saved you interest but in terms of debt busting a bailout does not feel the same as paying it off yourself.  I think setting the HTB saving target to repay the amount is a good idea for your own peace of mind. 

The Christmas thing was always going to be a problem as unless you save and stick within the budget you are going to be tempted to stick it on plastic so sensible that you have sorted this out now and not overspent too much.  Next year make sure you save for Christmas. 

CMD79

enthusiasticsaver said:

Good idea to close the accounts down.  To be honest I thought you had already done that earlier on this year anyway apart from Barclaycard which I think you gave to your husband. 

I think part of the torment you are going through is that you were tackling the problem of the debt by overpaying and have done well to keep on working in spite of your difficulties.  Your husband giving you £10k towards paying off the debt has probably left you feeling as if paying the debt off is a bit of an anti climax because you have not done it on your own.  It was a kind gesture and no doubt it has saved you interest but in terms of debt busting a bailout does not feel the same as paying it off yourself.  I think setting the HTB saving target to repay the amount is a good idea for your own peace of mind. 

The Christmas thing was always going to be a problem as unless you save and stick within the budget you are going to be tempted to stick it on plastic so sensible that you have sorted this out now and not overspent too much.  Next year make sure you save for Christmas. 

I did save. I saved £600 for Christmas. 

greenbee

It sounds like you’re dealing with what a lot of people come up against when they’ve paid off the debt or mortgage - a lack of focus.

First, give yourself credit for how far you’ve come - you tackled £10k yourself, generating extra income and negotiating with your creditors; you were brave and told your husband; you saved for Christmas. I bet there is more. 

Now set yourself some new goals. Pay back the money your husband gave you, set your savings targets for 2023, and give yourself something concrete to focus on and motivate yourself when you are tempted to revert to old behaviours. You can do this - you’ve already proved it!

2Scratters

Congratulations on your determined grit of resistance. Putting into baskets and leaving items there and then deleting. You have also saved for Christmas this year, by all means "window shop" online and then visit the real shops and see how the items measure up in real life, are they worth the money? is the quality to your expectation? Let family and friends know you have a budget to stick to this Christmas and going forward. 
Be proud of yourself. Let Hubby know too you are struggling a little bit too at times. Be kind to yourself as this is a new way of thinking about money and its value. It will be challenging. Enjoy paying back into the house savings account and see the money savings rise.

2 Scratters xx

IndiJonesi

Hi @CMD79, glad to see you back on your diary.  I'm sorry to read of your torment.  Good call on the outcome though dumping the shopping and closing the accounts.  £600 saved for Xmas was excellent.  I didn't save anything for this year but have started saving for next Xmas.  My Mother was a CMD and by bestie was a CMD before she got married - you are all special people.  Indi x