Embarrassed, ashamed, terrible husband? But trying to do better...

LittleMissDetermined

mr_stripey said:

Hope things are ok mate - just to let you know we're thinking about you pal

We definitely are, and I hope things are getting better following you breaking the news 
x

Failure_husband

mr_stripey said:

Hope things are ok mate - just to let you know we're thinking about you pal

Thank you for the message . Reading people’s messages on here really do help. 

Failure_husband

LittleMissDetermined said:

mr_stripey said:

Hope things are ok mate - just to let you know we're thinking about you pal

We definitely are, and I hope things are getting better following you breaking the news 
x

Thank you for your kind words  

Failure_husband

So things haven’t really improved. My wife has taken it very hard and I’m not sure how/if we will pull through this at the moment. 

She was and is very rightfully, very angry at me and has decided she wants to take charge of finances moving forward, which I fully understand and accept.

she has said she doesn’t know if/when she can trust me or forgive me again and I have been sleeping on the fold out bed in the spare room for nearly a week now. 

I fully understand why, and know that it’s still all so fresh and raw for her. Like others have said, I’ve had time to come to terms with it, for her it’s all new and scary and a big betrayal.

if anyone has any advice on how to get through each day and battle the feelings of dread moving forward please help me out. 

My birthday on Wednesday, just know I’m going to be spending it on my own in the spare room . 

I’m looking at ways to make extra cash to hopefully pay a little more off my DMP when and if I can. Starting by selling things on eBay. If anyone has any other ideas let me know .

enthusiasticsaver

The fact that your wife wants to take charge of the finances is actually a positive  I think.  This shows that she possibly can see a way forward for you both but at the moment she does not trust you and you have to earn that trust back by simply being as sensible with money as possible and really stepping up to increase income in any way you can which you are doing.  Selling stuff is one way, a second job if you can manage one possibly and addressing both repaying the DMP as soon as possible and making sure that debt is in the past for you.  I am sure though it is still raw for her so giving her time and giving her reason to trust you again in the future will help.  I hope  that your birthday is as happy as it can be under the circumstances.  

I think it is sad that you see yourself as a failure though as a husband because  being bad with money is just one thing about you and I am sure there are plenty of positives you have so don't be too hard on yourself. Just learn the lessons then move on and hopefully you can both work through this together. 

ladyholly

Continue to give your wife some time. I once wrapped up my husbands car and it took him a week to even speak to me.  

Failure_husband

ladyholly said:

Continue to give your wife some time. I once wrapped up my husbands car and it took him a week to even speak to me.  

Wrapped up? Like a present? Lol. This genuinely made me smile

Failure_husband

enthusiasticsaver said:

The fact that your wife wants to take charge of the finances is actually a positive  I think.  This shows that she possibly can see a way forward for you both but at the moment she does not trust you and you have to earn that trust back by simply being as sensible with money as possible and really stepping up to increase income in any way you can which you are doing.  Selling stuff is one way, a second job if you can manage one possibly and addressing both repaying the DMP as soon as possible and making sure that debt is in the past for you.  I am sure though it is still raw for her so giving her time and giving her reason to trust you again in the future will help.  I hope  that your birthday is as happy as it can be under the circumstances.  

I think it is sad that you see yourself as a failure though as a husband because  being bad with money is just one thing about you and I am sure there are plenty of positives you have so don't be too hard on yourself. Just learn the lessons then move on and hopefully you can both work through this together. 

I can’t put across how much these messages and advice are helping me at the moment. I sign in every couple of days and these stories, advice and comments help pick me up and give me hope. Thank you. 

elsien

Maybe underneath it all she’s angry at herself as well, but it’s too soon for her to go there. 

For not being up to speed with the budget and for not noticing that the little extras and treats were mounting up. For not being more hands on all along with the finances. 

If she wants to take control and that helps then go with it, but the both of you sitting together once on a while to go over finances and what’s happening would probably help going forwards.

Hang in in there. For now it’s sticking with the plan and riding out the wave. 

Is there anything you’d want to do for your birthday to cheer yourself up? Even if it’s just going out for a walk, or putting a favourite film on? Taking responsibility isn’t the same as permanent sack cloth and ashes 

LittleMissDetermined

We are all rooting for you, hopefully you will be able to notice small changes in your wife as she comes to terms with it.  I really think that her taking control of he finances is a positive move.  It will take the responsibility and weight from your shoulders for a start and she may begin to see how this situation came to be. 

I do hope you can enjoy doing something on your birthday, you are allowed to have a treat even when you're debt busting 

LMD x