Embarrassed, ashamed, terrible husband? But trying to do better...

MatyMoo

Well done for telling your wife, she will be angry initially but could very well calm down in a while and see that that you have already taken positive steps to get yourself out of the mess you are in.

You have done the two worst bits, facing up to the problem and telling your wife, onwards & upwards now 😉

enthusiasticsaver

Well done for facing it and just focus now on getting through this hopefully with your marriage intact. She will need time to sort out in her head but there is a solution to every money problem.

edwink

Well done for telling your wife and it is good to know that the weight has lifted off your shoulders. Hopefully, when the rawness of it all settles with your wife you will both be able to work as a team and slowly get the debt paid off. 

You have done so well this past week it is onwards and upwards from now on. Try and be positive, you can do this.

All the best

Edwink 

elsien

You have to remember that you’ve known about this for a long time. You’ve had time to put a plan together and think it through. Your wife hasn’t. She’s only just at the start of processing it all and she needs time to do that. Her reactions now may be different to what they will be further down the line.
Your hoped for move isn’t impossible. But it’s too early for her to see that when you’ve only just told her. 

Give her time to express all the emotions you’ve already gone through.

Amber1980

Well done for telling her, I’m rooting for you.
 I obviously don’t know you but marriages go through all sorts of ups and downs and this will hopefully pass.
You have got everything out in the open,you have done completely the right thing.
Stay strong and sending all the best wishes and thoughts 🙏😊

ladyholly

Well done. You have done the difficult bit now. As others have said give your wife some time to process it all, answer questions honestly and when she is ready explain the plan. Good luck in your journey but always remember you are not a terrible person you aare just human and have made mistakes as we all have. No One is perfect and always does the right thing all the time.

pjcox2005

Failure_husband said:

Update: Once again thank you everyone for your kind words. 

Tonight I bit the bullet and told my wife what’s been going on. To say she was unhappy would be a massive understatement. I genuinely don’t know if we will move on from this, she will rightfully never trust me again after this, and at the moment doesn’t see a future for us. I know it’s still raw and I’m hoping I can fix/patch things up but the future is looking very bleak at the moment.

a small part of me, deep down under all the dread and despair feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now it’s out in the open. I know the next few days/weeks/months/years are going to be hell. I am trying though. People here have made me realise that I am at least trying. Thank you for the replies. I may be missing for a few days now while I attempt to save my marriage, if there is even any hope at all of doing that. 

Your wife obviously needs time to process so an initial strong reaction isn't unexpected. I would say though that I'd expect any side of a marriage to be supportive, understand and ultimately work together over debt when the news is shared. Unless one party has been reckless (gambling, own indulgences) or lied about their salary from the start of the relationship, then really it's a joint responsibility anyway - both have benefited from treats they probably knew they couldn't afford, both haven't had open dialogue, both haven't managed their finances together looking at earnings vs monthly spend.

Hopefully it all calms down and you can focus between you at clearing the debt. Best of luck.

mr_stripey

Well done mate for telling her. Whatever happens from now on, you're in a much better position to save your marriage now as clearly things couldn't go on like this for ever, and the longer they did the worse things would have got.

As others have said, you've had weeks or maybe months to get your head around it but your wife hasn't so it's bound to be a massive shock and not surprising that you are the focus of her anger etc. You're probably just going to have to take that on the chin whilst she comes to terms with it.

Eventually though I am sure you'll both find a way through.As @pjcox2005 says above - unless you've been spending the money only on yourself then the situation is due to your joint failure to manage the money (even if it was you that "allowed" it to happen).

All the best mate - hope things go as well as can be expected in the next few days and please check back in whenever. 

rachel6188

Good luck with it all. X

mr_stripey

Hope things are ok mate - just to let you know we're thinking about you pal