Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my gran for a new birthday cheque?

edited 25 January at 3:03PM in Special occasions & other celebrations
38 replies 27.1K views


  • Flipflop13Flipflop13 Forumite
    16 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I’ve had this on several occasions as both my nana and aunt have issues writing cheques. The wedding/new baby gift my nana gave us for £4000 the bank wouldn’t accept because the signature didn’t match the one they held for her, she’s 94 now so signing things isn’t easy for her. Another my aunt gave me she put in my married name but I hadn’t changed my name on my bank (and didn’t intend taking my husband’s name) so they wouldn’t take that either. I left them for weeks until I plucked up the courage, they were really apologetic and no one was embarrassed at all. I wish I’d mentioned it sooner rather than fretting for so long!
  • peterbootiespeterbooties Forumite
    1 Post
    First Post
    Just ask her to change your name on the existing cheque and initial the change.
  • Poorexgirlfriend192Poorexgirlfriend192 Forumite
    75 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Leave it. And give her a big hug and a bunch of flowers instead for being such a kind nana
  • edited 26 January at 10:23AM
    elsienelsien Forumite
    28.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 26 January at 10:23AM
    It all just seems a bit patronising to me - don’t mention it unless she notices; tell her she needs the money more than you; getting parents to talk to her instead, etc.

    Lets just presume grandmother has the majority of her marbles, knows perfectly well if she can afford the gift, wants to give it, so talk to her to give her the chance to do just that.

    Everything else is just age related bias, given that the OP doesn’t give any other relevant information. I’ve written cheques in the wrong name before now. Doesn’t  mean people should be tiptoeing round me. 
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • SteveSiSteveSi Forumite
    17 Posts
    Second Anniversary 10 Posts
    My mother had vascular dementia and she would get quite distressed whenever she would do something wrong/silly/forgetful because it made her even more aware about her seriously deteriorating health (+pride, independence, etc.). So I can understand why the OP may be reluctant to cause any unnecessary distress.
  • KatecooksKatecooks Forumite
    14 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
     If you can't explain to her that your bank won't cash your cheque because the name doesn't match the bank details you clearly need to work on your relationship with your gran. Take the cheque to her, explain and ask her to correct the name and initial it (or write a new one and tear up the original in front of her). Man or woman up!
  • marylou2121marylou2121 Forumite
    9 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Photogenic First Post Combo Breaker
    As someone said before, cross out the wrong name, or add to it, and initial it.  Never had a problem with doing this. 
  • peterjames5peterjames5 Forumite
    1 Post
    First Post
    If she deffo needs the money more than you then leave it. 

    Worse case, she asks why you've not cashed. You answer honestly and say you felt bad to ask. She says don't be silly and writes you another cheque. 
  • efslefsl Forumite
    6 Posts
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    As a granny who's been on the other end of a slightly similar story - please just kindly explain what's happened and she'll happily write a new cheque. I'd be mortified if my senior moment had deprived my grandson of what I really wanted him to have, and could have felt slightly miffed if he hadn't been straight with me.
  • ginger_chocolateginger_chocolate Forumite
    254 Posts
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Posts
    Is Gran your mum's mum or your dad's? I would get them to mention it. 
    This is what I'd do too.
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