Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my gran for a new birthday cheque?

edited 25 January at 3:03PM in Special occasions & other celebrations
38 replies 27.1K views


  • Andrea9876Andrea9876 Forumite
    9 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Is Gran your mum's mum or your dad's? I would get them to mention it. 
  • AfourteenAfourteen Forumite
    75 Posts
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Posts
    Myself, I'd not say anything until she asks why you haven't cashed it, then thank her profusely followed up with the explanation why you haven't also telling her that you think she needs to think of her own needs also. 
  • FiFiFooFiFiFoo Forumite
    5 Posts
    First Post
    You could try putting it into the paying in machine at your bank, we’ve done that in the past for exactly the same reason (wrong first name, correct surname though) and it was accepted. I think maybe they only scrutinise if the cheque is queried by the payer? 
  • elsienelsien Forumite
    28.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    There’s some very strange suggestions on here making a mountain out of a molehill.  It’s family, for heavens sake. 
    Really not seeing the problem just explaining and asking for a new cheque,
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Doddie1Doddie1 Forumite
    5 Posts
    Third Anniversary First Post
    If you're not short of money then i wouldn't say anything until your gran asks why you hadn't cashed the cheque.
    Should that day ever happen then you can explain to your gran that she needs the money more than you do and you thought it would be unfair to ask her to write another cheque given that you don't need the money as much as she does.
    She'll probably be annoyed at herself for making such a silly mistake like that but she'll likely be thankful for having such a thoughtful grandchild.

    If on the other hand you are desperate for money and in a worse position than she is, then yes, you probably should consider asking her to write another cheque, but how you approach her to do that only you will know.
  • keithyno.1keithyno.1 Forumite
    52 Posts
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    ABSOLUTELY ask her to make out a new cheque to you in your correct name (but give her the original cheque back, just to avoid confusion).

    She WANTS you to have the £100 as her birthday gift to you. The cheque itself is ultimately only a worthless piece of paper. You haven’t received the gift until the money is in your bank account, to then spend as you wish (which was obviously her intention from the very beginning).

    I can’t see any embarrassment or awkwardness being caused here, it simply sounds like a slightly absent-minded mistake was made. She’ll probably just say, “Oh, silly me!” or something. She’s your gran, she loves you and just wants to spread a little kindness and happiness to those closest to her in the time she’s got left on this Earth.

    If you DIDN’T say anything and she noticed in, say, 6 months time that the cheque had never been cashed she could assume, without knowing otherwise, that you were indifferent to her gift to the point of not bothering to cash it into your account. How hurt would that make her feel then??! 

    Of all the MMD’s I’ve seen at the end of the MSE weekly emails over the years, this surely has to be the easiest one ever to answer.
  • dirtmotherdirtmother Forumite
    129 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    This is a regular problem in my family (due to some perhaps less than sensible naming decisions many years ago) I have also had a problem of an elderly relative being very anxious about what had happened to an uncashed cheque (not a gift but a reimbursement not needed due to a cancellation) who then went to a lot of trouble chasing it up and getting it stopped, before asking!

    If you don't speak up now, it may well happen again and again, and yes, do frame it as "The bank are insisting it has to be X name" rather than "You put the wrong name" (because in a sense she didn't, she put your name but she didn't put the account name)

    I should also add the small warning that this could be (because it has been for us with some relatives) a sign of cognitive decline. 
  • honestcovehonestcove Forumite
    30 Posts
    10 Posts
    As an earlier post suggested, try using the bank’s auto teller or cheque scanning app if you have access to these.

    Alternatively, alter the name on the cheque. This is not fraud - the money is intended for you. 

    Morality - only go back to the elderly relative if you dislike your nickname and want to teach them a lesson, although this might backfire if they “forget” to send you a new one🙂
  • EECherryEECherry Forumite
    1 Post
    Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    My 87 yr old gran did a similar thing this Christmas - wrote the wrong surname and also added my partner. I think she assumed we have a joint account. I just called her to politely thank her but mentioned it was another family members surname. Turns out it she wrote a few cheques at once and got a bit muddled. I'm sure your gran won't mind you calling to explain.
  • pollypennypollypenny Forumite
    29.3K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    I'm thinking that a grandmother would would be using a diminutive rather than a nickname - Chris instead of Christopher. She's unlikely to have written Shorty, or a real nickname. 

     Perhaps asking the bank to be be more sensible will help. 
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
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