Alchemausterity II

Karmacat

Alchemilla, I'm glad work have been good, and that your finances have been working out - but so, so, sorry to hear about your mum's attitude.  Are there any family members you *can* rely on and talk to?

Alchemilla

Not really any other family members. She goes along fine for years then lashes out when I'm down.

I've been really busy today getting little jobs and admin done. The kids are back to school tomorrow. This evening I'm going to do a 60 mile round trip to bail out our Ukrainian family, moved out since the end of August, who have come a cropper with the train strikes. DH would have done it 🙂

Watty1

Sorry to hear about your mum but glad work is supportive and other stuff working out.

Hang in there ... KBO as the saying goes  xx

Karmacat

Alchemilla said:

Not really any other family members. She goes along fine for years then lashes out when I'm down.
Even though you expect that behaviour, that pattern, it must hurt, I'm sorry she does that.

I've been really busy today getting little jobs and admin done. The kids are back to school tomorrow. This evening I'm going to do a 60 mile round trip to bail out our Ukrainian family, moved out since the end of August, who have come a cropper with the train strikes. DH would have done it 🙂

They really don't know how good you are to them, do they.  

I hope school and jobs and all of that go well tomorrow.

Alchemilla

Thank you @watty and @Karmacat.

My Dad has started now, trying to ride roughshod over me. 

I do know I'm uber sensitive but it's like they now think I'm totally dependent on them and they can behave how they like.

I have noped out as Captain Awkward would say. 

Watty1

The flip side of that just might be that they know you are vulnerable and are trying to parent you.  To them you are probably still their little girl and can they see the pain you in.

Whatever, nope out if that is what feels best.  Your priority now is you and the menagerie you live with (I've sort of put children and animals all in one there but I think you will get that)

edinburgher

@Alchemilla - how awful - that's the last blimmin' thing you need right now!

I think I will join you in Dry January. DD1 has been watching a lot of Horrible Histories and I'm watching their harsh depiction of Henry VIII and his massive appetite for food and wine and thinking "amateur"

Moneyfordreams

I think you have every right to be uber sensitive - did your parents have a close relationship with your DH? Will they have their feelings to process? As Watty says, they may just want to protect you albeit clumsily. My mum used to says some corkers - I've noticed I'm turning into her unintentionally! I've found myself apologising a couple of times to DD1
Keep strong and do what you want to give you comfort for you and the children to ease you through this period xx

newgirly

Sorry to hear your parents are upsetting you, have you thought about a grief support group at all yet, I know it’s very early days?  A colleague at work attended one for quite a while and it really helped having people that understood her situation as family and friends can be (hopefully) a great emotional and practical support, but listening to others who have been there really made a difference xxx

Karmacat

I'm glad you've gone back to the Captain - she's amazing, I often re-read some bits.  I'm sure she'd say something like, they may think their current behaviour is loving/ parenting/ what you need/ but right now, your actual needs take priority over their fantasies about your needs.  And you're the one who decides what your actual needs are. 

You can say it kindly, and for the sake of your children's future relationship with their grandparents you probably want to be kindly, but you can be firm about what you want, what you need, what you'd like to happen.