Evicting an adult child/alternative accommodation

canaldumidi

Just say no.

There is no other way to proceed as this could drag out endlessly. It has to be brought to an end.

Like Atomix, I am also of the view that the father should be made to assist whether by letting her move in with him, or by providing the finance for her to rent somewhere. But it sounds like that's not going to happen as she is the one who'd have to try and make it happen.

There is another option of course, but I suspect she won't consider it from what you've said, and I hesitate to even mention it and risk the consequential wrath of some posters. ......

deannagone

I had a feeling termination would come up.  If the daughter is due in March, it would be a late termination.  I'm sorry - if you knew what happens with a late termination, both to the baby and the mother I'm not sure anyone would see it as an option unless there's a threat to life.  I believe women should have choice.., but late termination is difficult.  No wrath from me, but its a very difficult thing to do on all sorts of levels.

I have been in a situation when I had to evict my 24 year old due to behavioural and attitude problems after lots of discussions to try and come to some sort of compromise.  He is neurodivergent, and has some emotional difficulties that aren't his 'fault' but were very difficult to cope with.  He could be fairly scary and threatening at times as well as manipulative. I suspect my parenting caused some of these problems, I have to be honest so that was part of the problem.

He still isn't in a brilliant situation and we've had to do quite a lot of work to rebuild the relationship on both sides.  We do get on better now, but some level of trust has gone on both sides, unfortunately.  He never thought I'd evict him, I never thought he'd do what he did. He has grown up an awful lot in the last year.  But I still wish there had been another option.  Its certainly not something I viewed could ever happen when he was a child.  Its not an easy situation, there's no support available. I was promised my son would have social services support, it just didn't happen - I tried very hard to make sure there was some support. But I couldn't have him living here anymore either.

I doubt many people would consider evicting a grown up child unless they felt there was no other option.  

Morglin

You could try phoning or contacting SHELTER for advice, as they are pretty good.  

One way would be to take her, with suitcase, down to your local council homeless persons unit, and tell them she’s not being allowed back into your home.  She hs vulnerable, and they are legally obligated to help her, if she’s actually homeless.

Bidding can mean a wait of many months, if not years.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/get_help/helpline

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness

ayupmeduck

Morglin said:

You could try phoning or contacting SHELTER for advice, as they are pretty good.  

One way would be to take her, with suitcase, down to your local council homeless persons unit, and tell them she’s not being allowed back into your home.  She hs vulnerable, and they are legally obligated to help her, if she’s actually homeless.

Bidding can mean a wait of many months, if not years.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/get_help/helpline

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness

A friend of mine sat in the council offices until they found her a property.

My niece was living in a 1 bed flat with 2 kids for a few years (youngest is nearly 3) before getting a 3 bed house. I'm pretty sure the OP's daughter wouldn't qualify for a 2 bed place for a while yet, my niece wasn't. Maybe council depended though

RogerBareford

celeliza said:

Thanks everyone for the replies, it is much appreciated! 

The daughter (A) still continues to emotionally abuse him/cannot let go and constantly have a go at her dad.  Very brave G did an eviction letter with a month's notice from last Saturday, she was not happy at all as she wanted 12 weeks!!.  Also, that's when the baby is due which I know it's not the right timing in the midst of all.

The council emailed him today (after hearing/receiving the eviction letter from A) and asked if he can confirm if he is able to extend the notice until the sale of his property (around March/April).  They said she is bidding on the social housing register weekly (they have been saying that since Dec).  They also said that they are hopeful that given extra time she will be successful without having to make a homeless application and go into temporary accommodation.  I have heard that it takes a long time before becoming successful in getting a house 2-bed property.

G has been through hell and cannot bear to give anymore chances and live under the same roof with a further extension.  G thought he is being fair with giving a month's notice so they can find her temporary accommodation and she can be prepared for the birth.  He knows it's going to be a rough ride between now and 4 weeks.  This is now impacting on my health because I'm worried for his wellbeing.

What should he needs to say when replying back to the Council people that he won't extend it?  All he said that the buyer has been found and in the process of going through legal paperwork and ask her to leave the residence in a month's time.  He is worried saying too much information will make things worse.

Thanks in advance.

All the council are doing is trying to get A to stay there as long as they can until they have to deal with her. With the shortages of council homes i don't think that giving a month will help in any way at all and they won't be acting to urgently find somewhere until she is actually evicted.

By giving another month G is just delaying the inevitable and that will help no one with the situation by having to put up with each other for another month.

Like i said they best thing he could have done was given her a couple days notice and get her out ASAP so the council have to find immediate emergency accomodation and then she will be the highest priority when a suitable place comes up.

By giving a month he is just wasting another month and reducing the chance she will be settled in a place by the time the baby comes.

Unfortunetly i'm struggling to beleive she will actually be gone in a month and i wouldn't be surprised if they are still living together even when the house is sold. If i'm thinking that then so are the council.

In this situation he needs to be tough and to the point to get something done.

deannagone

We have to recognise, its easy for us to say 'you need to act' but when you are a parent, it feels like a crime to evict your own child, however old they are, however difficult their behaviour is, however much you recognise you aren't actually helping them.

They manipulate because there's a pay off.  And a parent feels like the worst person on earth when they evict their own child.

wilfred30

I think it's worth remembering that we're only getting one side of the story here and not actually from one of the two people involved.

canaldumidi

deannagone said:

We have to recognise, its easy for us to say 'you need to act' but when you are a parent, it feels like a crime to evict your own child, however old they are, however difficult their behaviour is, however much you recognise you aren't actually helping them.

Very true. But OP came here for presumably objective advice precisely because of the difficulty defining the best/right thing to do when emotionally attached.

As outside observers we are able to assess things objectively. The OP still has to balance the objective advice against the subjective parental instincts. We cannot do more than speak as we see.

celeliza

The eviction date is two weeks' tomorrow.  There has been no developments of her next move.  We are a bit on edge that nothing is happening and G's mental state is putting him more pressure as he's been trying to stay patient living with her under the same roof.  Should he contact the council to find out what is happening?  His daughter doesn't say a lot what's going on in the background and I'm concerned she will talk him out of letting her stay longer (he is sticking to the date on the eviction letter which he told the council).  Or do the council leave the arrangements towards the end of the eviction date?

She is still being very lazy and making a real mess in the house and does not help one bit.  I still find it hard to believe how is she going to survive when the baby comes and live in her own space.

He has booked the storage to put her possessions and the baby contents on the weekend before the D-day.

elsien

They may well leave it till after she has been evicted at which point she will need to present herself at the council as street homeless if she has no one else she can go to.
 Then they will act but it is likely that they will wait to see if the goalposts move again and she’s allowed to stay.