Evicting an adult child/alternative accommodation

RogerBareford

celeliza said:

I'm creating this post about my partner (G) of 3.5 years whose daughter (A) is currently living with him.  She's 20 and pregnant (due in April).  We were both disappointed and  flabbergasted with the news and G wants to move forward with his own life with me setting a home together in another county.  

Now she has made that choice, he wants to make his own choice.

Since she made the announcement, their relationship has got worse.  Back in September she applied for social housing because she wants to have her own space for her and the baby (she will be a single mum sadly).  I know there is a long waiting list.  She also has mental health issues and her relationship with her father has been difficult over the last few years.  She wanted to be homeless so she can be offered accommodation by the council so G confirmed by email to the council that he wants to kick her out by end of November 2021.  He received an email from the Housing Support Worker just before the end of November whether that was still the case and the council would have to provide her in a homeless hostel if he still wants her out of his house.  She was petrified of the thought of being in a shelter accommodation surrounding drug addicts or alcoholics.  The council said they would make referrals to the children's services and mother and baby groups.  G spoke with her that she can stay in the house until his house is sold (literally before the baby is born).  He confirmed this with the council with this circumstances.

With her mental health issues (she has a personality disorder and is a narcissist), she kept changing tactics and they have been having major arguments because she create a lot of mess (and not tidy up) in the house and she has ordered so much baby stuff which has taken over the house.  Now she is feeling stressed of nowhere to go. She does not pay rent/bills and buy groceries so she is literally an excluded occupier.  G is running around for her and he has had enough.  Now he is signed off work with stress/anxiety and is getting less income with SSP.

More recently he has been getting a lot of emotional abuse from her and he cannot live under the same roof with her.  He emailed the Housing Support Worked on his 2nd week of sick leave in December that things at home have been intolerable and off sick with panic attacks/stress/anxiety.  Also he explained that he was away from the home situation to focus on his health.  He asked them if they could speed things up to sort accommodation for his daughter as he has already expressed a few times that he cannot cope living with her.  He certainly doesn't want to be running around when the baby is born in their house.

Still we haven't received a response from the council and now thinking of sending another email that he is planning to kick her out sooner than later but he is worried he will make waves.  G is still not himself and still having panic attacks and more likely his sick note will be extended.  He is now feeling very uncomfortable living with his daughter who does not treat him with respect.  He will also say that his house is now on the market and it has attracted a high level of interest and the sale process could take up to 3 months.  In addition to that, he will say he is planning to serve her notice with so many days to move out because he cannot tolerate her attitude towards him.  I'm hoping they will kick up a backside to find her accommodation asap.  He needs to get his life back to normal so the sooner she is out, the better.

Thanks for reading and your advice or suggestions is much appreciated because I'm really worried about his wellbeing and safety.

Claire

Well firstly she's 20 years old so being "disappointed and flabbergasted" with the news of her being pregnant surly didn't help anything and really isn't the right reaction to have at all. Yes it may not be ideal but it's happened, so showing dissapointment isn't the way to be when she is probably concerned about becoming a single mother.

Secondly G has already once said he will kick her out in November then backtracked on that with the council. So he probably won't be taken serious this time by them with another email saying he is "serving her notice" until he actually kicks her out. He has already told her that he can't cope living with her but yet he still hasn't kicked her out so they arn't going to do anything until he actually does it as it doesn't look like he ever will.

This sounds like a no win situation where she can't live with him due to falling out's and it won't be a nice experience for her if he kicks her out but eventually she will get sorted with a home to settle in.

Personally i would say considering what has happened so far then he needs to kick her out ASAP so she has a chance of being settled in a stable envirmonent when the baby comes. The sooner the better so first she can go into temporary accomodation until a place is found as this will take a bit of time. So any email he sends needs to be stating she is being kicked out in a matter of days (give a date and stick to it). But obviosuly talk to her first how this will be in her best interest in the long term.

celeliza

Thanks everyone for the replies, it is much appreciated! 

The daughter (A) still continues to emotionally abuse him/cannot let go and constantly have a go at her dad.  Very brave G did an eviction letter with a month's notice from last Saturday, she was not happy at all as she wanted 12 weeks!!.  Also, that's when the baby is due which I know it's not the right timing in the midst of all.

The council emailed him today (after hearing/receiving the eviction letter from A) and asked if he can confirm if he is able to extend the notice until the sale of his property (around March/April).  They said she is bidding on the social housing register weekly (they have been saying that since Dec).  They also said that they are hopeful that given extra time she will be successful without having to make a homeless application and go into temporary accommodation.  I have heard that it takes a long time before becoming successful in getting a house 2-bed property.

G has been through hell and cannot bear to give anymore chances and live under the same roof with a further extension.  G thought he is being fair with giving a month's notice so they can find her temporary accommodation and she can be prepared for the birth.  He knows it's going to be a rough ride between now and 4 weeks.  This is now impacting on my health because I'm worried for his wellbeing.

What should he needs to say when replying back to the Council people that he won't extend it?  All he said that the buyer has been found and in the process of going through legal paperwork and ask her to leave the residence in a month's time.  He is worried saying too much information will make things worse.

Thanks in advance.

SuseOrm

He needs to do the stone grey rock response and literally email as little information as possible just saying that she needs to be out by this date on this date she will be homeless and that is the date that the council will work towards not a single day before.  

SuseOrm

The trouble is you’re looking at it from the perspective that you’re giving them for weeks to find her somewhere else,  where as actually they are not giving his daughter a single second thought because she is not homeless right here and right now,  so they have another 10 of his daughters who between now and the four week notice period ended they are dealing with.  

elsien

If she’s holding out for a 2 bedroom property she’s going to be in for a long wait unless there’s a real shortage of one beds. 

There’s no guarantee his sale will go through in the timescale planned - it could be delayed or fall through for any number of reasons. 

If he doesn’t want to keep extending the timeline then he needs to just say no and keep saying no. He doesn’t need to justify his decision to the council, or give them any information at all about selling up,  just refer back to the letter that he has already sent.  Otherwise he’s giving the impression that she only has to leave because of the sale, whereas the reality is that is not the primary reason. 

SusieT

Not a nice situation to be in at all  In his position I would just reply stating that it is not possible to extend the date, and that she has to be out on or before that day. 
If she is only bidding on 2 bed houses, she may need to start to bid on anything that is available and to take whatever she can get. 

celeliza

Thanks for the quick replies.  Will put a reply that he will not extend the notice and they need to refer to his letter that has been served to her, end of.  Hopefully then they will leave him alone because it's affecting his mental health big time :-(

london21

The council might not take the eviction seriously because your partner extended the time frame.
Until she is actually evicted, council will not take things seriously.

She is better been in temporary  accommodation now and settled than when baby comes. 

Daughter seems like she has a lot of growing up to do.

Hopefully she can care for the baby and won't attract social workers involvements.

Do offer her the support you and your partner can until she gets on her feet.

Seems her mental health might need attention.

So much uncertainty and fear can be the cause of her behaviour. She is an adult at 20 but not fully independent yet. 

Atomix

Call me old fashioned, but where is the father of the baby / his contribution... ?

celeliza

Atomix said:

Call me old fashioned, but where is the father of the baby / his contribution... ?

She is not in a relationship with the father of the baby. They had an on/off relationship for 3 months before she got pregnant. Apparently she split up with him before Christmas but my partner never heard her saying a lot about this chap from day one or their plans together. Also he heard from someone else that the father is willing to be part of his baby's life. Whether that's true or not, I don't know because his daughter never really talk properly with her Dad and no matter what he tried or showed caring by asking her questions/support, she would tell him 'none of his business" or use the F word. So we may never get the full story or whether she's hatching a plan.....