Evicting an adult child/alternative accommodation

celeliza

I'm creating this post about my partner (G) of 3.5 years whose daughter (A) is currently living with him.  She's 20 and pregnant (due in April).  We were both disappointed and  flabbergasted with the news and G wants to move forward with his own life with me setting a home together in another county.  

Now she has made that choice, he wants to make his own choice.

Since she made the announcement, their relationship has got worse.  Back in September she applied for social housing because she wants to have her own space for her and the baby (she will be a single mum sadly).  I know there is a long waiting list.  She also has mental health issues and her relationship with her father has been difficult over the last few years.  She wanted to be homeless so she can be offered accommodation by the council so G confirmed by email to the council that he wants to kick her out by end of November 2021.  He received an email from the Housing Support Worker just before the end of November whether that was still the case and the council would have to provide her in a homeless hostel if he still wants her out of his house.  She was petrified of the thought of being in a shelter accommodation surrounding drug addicts or alcoholics.  The council said they would make referrals to the children's services and mother and baby groups.  G spoke with her that she can stay in the house until his house is sold (literally before the baby is born).  He confirmed this with the council with this circumstances.

With her mental health issues (she has a personality disorder and is a narcissist), she kept changing tactics and they have been having major arguments because she create a lot of mess (and not tidy up) in the house and she has ordered so much baby stuff which has taken over the house.  Now she is feeling stressed of nowhere to go. She does not pay rent/bills and buy groceries so she is literally an excluded occupier.  G is running around for her and he has had enough.  Now he is signed off work with stress/anxiety and is getting less income with SSP.

More recently he has been getting a lot of emotional abuse from her and he cannot live under the same roof with her.  He emailed the Housing Support Worked on his 2nd week of sick leave in December that things at home have been intolerable and off sick with panic attacks/stress/anxiety.  Also he explained that he was away from the home situation to focus on his health.  He asked them if they could speed things up to sort accommodation for his daughter as he has already expressed a few times that he cannot cope living with her.  He certainly doesn't want to be running around when the baby is born in their house.

Still we haven't received a response from the council and now thinking of sending another email that he is planning to kick her out sooner than later but he is worried he will make waves.  G is still not himself and still having panic attacks and more likely his sick note will be extended.  He is now feeling very uncomfortable living with his daughter who does not treat him with respect.  He will also say that his house is now on the market and it has attracted a high level of interest and the sale process could take up to 3 months.  In addition to that, he will say he is planning to serve her notice with so many days to move out because he cannot tolerate her attitude towards him.  I'm hoping they will kick up a backside to find her accommodation asap.  He needs to get his life back to normal so the sooner she is out, the better.

Thanks for reading and your advice or suggestions is much appreciated because I'm really worried about his wellbeing and safety.

Claire

canaldumidi

I suspect the council will do nothing till she is homeless and they have no choice. That means evicting her - literally. Yes, they'll thenput her in emergencyaccommodation which will be unpleasant, so he has to decide if that's what he wants for his daughter.

I'd be very wary about this house-selling plan while she remains in occupation. What if he exchanges contracts on a sale and she refuses/fails to move out? Given how you describe her, that seems a possibility, and would expose him to a potentially huge financial liability.

Now I'll bite my tongue and refrain from writing the next paragraph in the interests of being permitted to remain a forum contributor......

Slithery

It's often the case that the council won't do anything while she still has a place to live. They will help her after she has been kicked out.

The sooner you do this the sooner she'll get help.

Tigsteroonie

She didn't like the idea of the homeless hostel, but she'll like it even less if she has to care for a baby in that environment. Better to be made homeless now and go through the hostel phase, hopefully it'll be short, whilst still a single person. 

Shaztastic3000

this fellow needs to be a responsible grandad and give the child the best possible start in life, providing lots of love and support for his daughter. Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

elsien

Shaztastic3000 said:

this fellow needs to be a responsible grandad and give the child the best possible start in life, providing lots of love and support for his daughter. Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

He also does not have to put his own life on hold and make himself ill in the process because his daughter’s behaviour is seriously impacting on his wellbeing. 

Offering support does not have to mean living under the same roof. 

His daughter is choosing to have a child while effectively homeless. That is completely her decision to make but it comes with consequences that she also needs to accept.

OP, is his daughter actively involved with community mental health services? 

Slithery

Shaztastic3000 said:

this fellow needs to be a responsible grandad and give the child the best possible start in life, providing lots of love and support for his daughter. Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

This child needs to grow up and start being responsible for their own life. You sometimes have to be cruel to be kind.

Shaztastic3000 said:

Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

Um, not sure where you got that from?

canaldumidi

Slithery said:

Shaztastic3000 said:

this fellow needs to be a responsible grandad and give the child the best possible start in life, providing lots of love and support for his daughter. Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

This child needs to grow up and start being responsible for their own life. You sometimes have to be cruel to be kind.

Shaztastic3000 said:

Leaving the county isn’t the way to go.

as well as the life of the child.

And now my council tax will go up again I suppose.

celeliza

He has been a single parent since she lived with him for the last 8 years and he has provided a lot of support to his daughter over the years but he never felt appreciated.  We already put our lives on hold over a year ago whilst she was suffering with mental health issues.  She secured an Open University place to start study last Autumn.  We had originally planned to live together before she decided to do this so we agreed that he should stay where he is and focus on her education whilst living with her dad and hopefully she will enjoy and eventually moved out.  Now she has changed her plans (this isn't the first time as she doesn't stick to a plan), we cannot do another U-turn so she has made that choice.  She says she is getting the help for her mental health but she doesn't tell her dad into a great detail and when he cares for her wellbeing, she told him it's none of his business.  He really cannot do this and he gave his all.  She is so horrible to him and has already threatened that she doesn't want anything to do him and he is not have anything to do with her baby!

turnitround

Poor girl.  No wonder she is coming across as 'Horrible , she must be terrified, about to be a single mum and homeless with no one to turn to. Cant you both agree to hold your plans for a few more months and help her through the birth and first couple of months. Presumably she didnt plan to get pregnant but what has happened has happened, all this 'Kick her out' stuff seems very sad.

elsien

Did you read the OP where the daughter asked to be made homeless so she could get a council flat?