Pay off mortgage and start having even more fun 😁

daisy_1571

That must be very difficult ng.  You both want the mortgage paid but you are trying to manage little bits of money each month when potentially there is some money in the business that could be used to help clear off more of the mortgage making it less tight all round. 

I understand the nervousness of not wanting to use money out a business.   I had a tiny business and kind of did the same, leaving the money rather than taking it as a wage however as you have an offset still (?) it would seem sensible to get some of the business money into there to help get you closer.  I might be wrong?  

Do you think that because you've had a mortgage for such a long time, both of your attitudes to debt prior to you trying to get df then mf, the fact you have tried to reduce the mortgage then took on more to get the house done up, do you think all of that somehow still makes him feel he won't ever be mf?  Or maybe there's actually a slight scariness about being mf?

I'm only curious since I went through a lot of those feelings.   We reduced then increased, we focused on it really hard and often it felt we would never get there then we did and it was a bit scary.  Its funny how our brains sometimes like what is familiar.   Even if the change is a good one.


Daisy xx

Ps obv you don't have to answer, I'm just curious about the feelings behind finances 

newgirly

Hi Daisy, thanks for posting 🙂

I think with dh is partially a fear of losing his job (and therefore temporarily our rental income as his boss rents our factory) although they are underpaying 🙄 so it’s having a big cushion for a few months void. But really I don’t know, I did actually say to him a few months ago I’m a bit worried about being mf in a way as we don’t know if we will agree on how to spend it. He may well be feeling like we won’t ever get there though to be honest. 

I agree though with what you say about things feeling familiar, you often read about lottery winners who lose it all or get divorced, sometimes it’s almost like there’s strength in adversity. I hope being mf will change his approach to work, I’m really hoping he might consider leaving and working for himself doing less hours perhaps or even negotiating less hours working for them so we can travel a bit. What I personally don’t want is a lifestyle inflation for example a crazily expensive car on finance and load of takeaways/meals out/ more stuff etc.  we could easily blast through the monthly savings with no real difference to our lives. However it’s not just my decision 🙂 

newgirly

Wow I have just spent the best £12 of my life 😆 That Blur gig last night was one of the best I have ever seen! Luckily I was at the end of a row which was the bottom of the highest bit and in the stage half of the stadium so not the worst. So emotional when you have been playing a band’s music since the kids were tiny and they love them too, successful brainwashing, doesn’t happen often 😁

Taking mum out for coffee at the shopping centre this morning then off to the doctors later 😩 

daisy_1571

newgirly said:

Hi Daisy, thanks for posting 🙂

I think with dh is partially a fear of losing his job (and therefore temporarily our rental income as his boss rents our factory) although they are underpaying 🙄 so it’s having a big cushion for a few months void. But really I don’t know, I did actually say to him a few months ago I’m a bit worried about being mf in a way as we don’t know if we will agree on how to spend it. He may well be feeling like we won’t ever get there though to be honest. 

I agree though with what you say about things feeling familiar, you often read about lottery winners who lose it all or get divorced, sometimes it’s almost like there’s strength in adversity. I hope being mf will change his approach to work, I’m really hoping he might consider leaving and working for himself doing less hours perhaps or even negotiating less hours working for them so we can travel a bit. What I personally don’t want is a lifestyle inflation for example a crazily expensive car on finance and load of takeaways/meals out/ more stuff etc.  we could easily blast through the monthly savings with no real difference to our lives. However it’s not just my decision 🙂 

I agree completely.   Its so hard watching people with a lot of money do (imho) stupid stuff with it.  These crazy programmes where folk get their car gold plated or £10,000 toys for a 2 year old.   Cant watch those kind of shows at all.  When you think of all the good they could do it beggars belief.  It should be the happiest of times but as you say can often be harder than the struggle.   

Everything is relative isn't it.  And that works right down the scale.   In my head I always feel 'poor' cos I scrimp and try not to spend too much and couldn't just book a holiday or buy a large purchase etc on a whim. Intellectually though, I know I have a roof, clean water comes out the tap, food in the cupboard, clothes,  some money in the bank.  A huge percentage of the world doesn't have that so would consider me rich beyond their possible dreams.  In my day to day world though its easy to forget how far me and my family are from basic survival.   And you guys will work out where you are happy to spend and where you aren't so keen.  I feel in my own relationship the key is the majority of the money must go to the sensible things however there must be some allowance for individual ideas.

I suppose the only practical suggestion i have is to take what you currently pay to the mortgage and apply percentages.  I'm a great fan of that as it takes away the decision making each month.  Maybe x to daily living just so you have more leeway and can eat out or do a takeaway if you want.   Y to each of you as more pocket money so you each can save for and buy things you want without justification to each other.   Then z to holidays and travelling as you both want that.  And so on... savings, future car, house repair and decorating.   It could all be percentaged out so the money has a purpose.   Neither will feel hard done by and you are also putting planned money away for planned important stuff.  That way you still keep a bit of an eye on the pots to ensure the majority of it doesn't get frittered. 

The main difference is the attitude to work.   Even just knowing that if it all gets too much you can tell them to go fiddle, clear your desk and walk out.  Knowing that just somehow makes it instantly more bearable and actually makes you less likely to feel the need to do that.  Hopefully he will feel that relief and be able to think about what he wants from his life.  He's had a lot of work stress over the years and both of you have felt the strain of living with worry.   The thought that no matter what happened the house is safe...... huge relief.



Daisy xxx

killerpeaty

Glad you had fun at the concert and weren't too scared of the height. Must be a terrible fear to have.

I'm sorry it's been stressful recently. It seems you are both working towards feeling secure just in different ways.

newgirly

Hi, thanks KP 🙂

Oops it’s been ages since I last posted, can’t say it’s been a brilliant last week and a half, I was ill (again) stomach upset, so I’ve started taking some probiotics to see if that helps, tests came back clear a couple of weeks ago for the bug the cats had so I suppose that’s something 😂 

Dh has been very stressed and we have not been getting on that well the last couple of weeks, these things happen sometimes and I think we both need to make an effort to spend some time together, he’s been working way too much which doesn’t help. 

As well as that dd has just been made redundant from her dream job 😩 she’s one of twenty going in this country so it’s not personal and not her first time being made redundant but it’s still a shock. Financially it’s not going to be be too worrying as she has savings and her dh has a very paid job so at least there’s no panic over that side of things for the moment. 

On a brighter note I’ve not run out of money yet this month for food which is unusual 😆 I need to take a look later today, at the finances, it’s been so busy recently I’ve let so much slide. It’s the boys’ birthdays on Monday, ds1 is at a festival until then and ds2 is away Sunday night but I’ll need to sort a few bits of food out and a cake for ds1 (ds2’s wife has got his). I think most of the celebrations will revolve around the cinema - we are have an open invite for whoever wants to see Barbie Tuesday night (dress code pink obviously). 

I’m also debating whether to blow some money on a holiday in the next few weeks, it doesn’t fit the plan but I feel like things are getting on top of us and we could do with a break, I’m a bit torn at the moment whether it’s a good idea or not, I’ll be upset moving the mortgage back a month but I think it might do us good? 

lulabelle1

Hi Newgirly.... I started reading your diary many years ago when I first signed up to the site and started my own diary. I only hop on every now and then but often pop in to see how you're getting on. I suppose I'm a lurker, lol! Anyway, for what it's worth, I'd suggest deferring for a month or two and booking the holiday. You've made fantastic progress and yours and your husbands health and happiness is super important - maybe a holiday is just what you need. Whether the mortgage is around for an extra month or two is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.  

CathT

I'd say go for the holiday too. You're already making such good progress, adding on a month or two to improve life right now will definitely be worth it. 

newgirly

I keep accidentally deleting this post 😩 Third time lucky 😆

Hi lulabelle thanks for popping in and for what you have said and you Cath, I think I’m quite hung up on the end date being my birthday which maybe a bit silly if things are getting tricky. 

I’ve not booked anything yet,  as we have still been arguing (although I did go into work to help him Saturday) as well as I’m finding there’s nothing left to book or it’s very expensive or clashes with other staffs holidays so doesn’t fit. I shall keep trying though! 

I did think maybe a drive to York then a few nights in Scotland, but the car is way to old and slow for a trip like that and I did ask to borrow mums new one and she doesn’t mind but they took dh off the insurance and when I offered to put him on again they haven’t bothered getting a quote 😩 

I think the car situation maybe not helping things right now, dhs electric work van has gone (too expensive to replace apparently) and in it’s place an old seven seater which he has been allowed to use to commute to work still (he found it and they are using his no claims to insure it saving a lot as it’s commercial) but they are working on a spreadsheet to work out to the mile what he is using and charging him for that - well knocking it off the large amount they still owe him for buying materials etc. 😡  bearing in mind he was going to work out how much and top it up all the time and he’s very honest! Plus they cut his pay by 20% a couple of years ago and nobody else’s. 

I’m sure things like this are not helping and I think maybe not having a car he can use when he wants is adding to things, I’ve offered my car but he doesn’t want it 😆 it is very small and shabby so that maybe why! 

Today is the boys’ birthdays , ds1 and girlfriend came home a day early from a festival yesterday due to the rain so have had more sleep than expected so may join us at the cinema for Oppenheimer later, ds2 and wife are due home from their picnic and night in a London hotel late this morning. I will pop out later as dil ordered ds2 a cake so I’ll collect it and get one for ds1 as well, after that I’m probably out of money for the month 🙄

daisy_1571

oh dear ng, things not sounding good just now.  My tuppence worth would be: a holiday is nice to look forward to, nice to go and and nice to look back on but... costs an awful lot of money for nothing tangible.   Between the cost and the car difficulties as youve explained it seems like you can't just go away on Fri night this week, all nice and calm and easypeasy spend a few nights away and go back home refreshed.  I know your first reaction is generally to plan a holiday but maybe it would cause more issues than its going to solve right now as nothing will have changed once you get back home plus your timescale would slip.

Perhaps the car issue is something you should both look at?  (BTW the situation with his work sounds shonky in the extreme- how incredibly annoying they are working down what they owe him rather than paying it off.   I hope they aren'tusing the 45p a mile rate, that would be double penalty and insult) if its making him unhappy and not helping in other areas of your lives is it better trying to sort out something that will help him feel better?   You've said before that he spends very little of his personal money,  i don't suppose he has enough in there to buy something?   Give the 7 seater back to the work and let them deal with their own insurance and he would have something he likes?

I know its different in real life but his work situation as you have described over time sounds awful yet he perseveres in staying there.  I do understand, I've been in difficult jobs and it saps interest in even thinking life could be better let alone summoning the energy to look at other job possibilities

Sending you both hugs

Daisy xx