Money Moral Dilemma: Should I rent out my house if it means my daughter has to stay elsewhere?

oldnewhand

Consider your priorities:
1.Relationships a) with daughter b) with boyfriend.
2.Finances how much do you need the income your house could generate.
3.Location your house, boyfriend's house and daughter's university.
1.Discuss with both daughter and boyfriend either may suggest a solution. How long term and stable is your relationship with boyfriend, your daughter may not be the only one in need of a second home.
2. Although property prices vary regionally, not wanting to upset OP £650 is quite a low rent for a house so guess finances could be tight or maybe you just don't overstretch the budget so maybe depending on proximity of your house and boyfriend's house AirB'nB could be a viable option, leaving your daughter's room for her but you'd need to consider security. 
3. I guess Uni is too far to commute otherwise daughter could share with paying student friends and you could buy her a car. Lectures aren't every day. If you let exclusively to students you don't pay council tax so your outgoings would decrease.
Keeping an empty property does seem selfish in some respects but family stability is very important too. 

cressida1980

Why not live in your house and rent your boyfriends house out instead, then she can come home to her own room :-) 

davilown

There’s too much information missing to give any sensible answer to this. 

Those who are asking whether the BF or daughter relationship is more important, we don’t know what the relationship is between the three.

Mum could have been with the BF for 20 years and moved in when the daughter went to Uni to be with the love of her life who the daughter hates because it wasn’t her father.

The daughter could have been an absolute pain the backside to her mum and mum’s decided she doesn’t want her living with her anymore.

My relationship with my daughter improved dramatically the day she moved out - there’s always a bed for her to stay over but certainly not to move back into unless the proverbial occurred. We just can’t live together. It happens whatever people may think.

The fact that this country believes parents are obligated to support their children through university (sometimes 2 or 3 times in case of PhDs) beggars belief. Plenty of part time jobs (admittedly some have less Uni contact times than others) for students to support themselves.

Unless you’re rich enough to pay for the fees and accommodation, or poor enough to have it paid for you, these young adults needs to consider their options with regards to finances. Parents who have mortgages etc do not necessarily have the money spare to pay for this eduction. Live to means is a very important lesson in life.

I pay/paid for food each month for both of mine, and if they wanted anything else then they worked. Both are happier and better off for doing so.

Some people will think that’s wrong, but hey, they’ve learnt how to become independent and then they don’t want to come home, hence we downsized to a 2 bed with no mortgage. A positive for the kids is that if they need some money for a deposit on their own home then we can give it to them.

lookstraightahead

davilown said:

There’s too much information missing to give any sensible answer to this. 

Those who are asking whether the BF or daughter relationship is more important, we don’t know what the relationship is between the three.

Mum could have been with the BF for 20 years and moved in when the daughter went to Uni to be with the love of her life who the daughter hates because it wasn’t her father.

The daughter could have been an absolute pain the backside to her mum and mum’s decided she doesn’t want her living with her anymore.

My relationship with my daughter improved dramatically the day she moved out - there’s always a bed for her to stay over but certainly not to move back into unless the proverbial occurred. We just can’t live together. It happens whatever people may think.

The fact that this country believes parents are obligated to support their children through university (sometimes 2 or 3 times in case of PhDs) beggars belief. Plenty of part time jobs (admittedly some have less Uni contact times than others) for students to support themselves.

Unless you’re rich enough to pay for the fees and accommodation, or poor enough to have it paid for you, these young adults needs to consider their options with regards to finances. Parents who have mortgages etc do not necessarily have the money spare to pay for this eduction. Live to means is a very important lesson in life.

I pay/paid for food each month for both of mine, and if they wanted anything else then they worked. Both are happier and better off for doing so.

Some people will think that’s wrong, but hey, they’ve learnt how to become independent and then they don’t want to come home, hence we downsized to a 2 bed with no mortgage. A positive for the kids is that if they need some money for a deposit on their own home then we can give it to them.

This with bells on.

my DD is 22 and is now living and working independently in a different city. We moved house this year, so those who expect their rooms to stay the same expect their patents not to ever move? She can come home as a safe haven, she will never be homeless. However, she will also expect to get on with her own life, only using us for a safety net.

I remember leaving home. It was exciting to be independent. My room and my brothers became spare rooms for us or anyone else. 

The thing parents should consider here is who are they doing it for? Their children or themselves? 

Also, why would adult children expect to have a room devoted to them, any more than when the child has a room devoted to the parents.

Op should make a decision for themselves. I find having a safety net if needed means kids can take a few more risks confident that they will be supported, in an adult way, if really needed.

lookstraightahead

greensalad said:

davilown said:

Perhaps we should be a bit more like this!

Despite my other comment, this article seems horrible. Why does anyone have to be "more important" than another in a family? What's wrong with everyone being "important", or no one at all? It's not a competition. Children's desires are important and so are parents. Neither is better or "on a pedestal" more than the other. 

I think the article is excellent. 

Without the parents putting themselves first, their relationship will suffer, which will affect the upbringing the children have. Which is what bonds the family.
I think it's more to do with decision making importance, not 'whether the children are important'.

think of the advice on a plane - fix your mask before dealing with dependants (or something to that effect).

I know far too many teens where the parents pander and the kids learn nothing. That's quite scary. 

JB50MSE

Don't make decisions based solely on emotion, especially guilt. You need to take everything into account. Long term relationships, long term finances, long term security etc.

Dog Lady No 4 has the best suggestion. You can legally rent a bedroom in your house tax-free, if you follow the government rules. See https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home

Dog_Lady_No_4 said:

Why not rent out a room instead? That way u get some income and your daughter still has her home 

Rent A Room - to a carefully selected lodger, who you have personally vetted - has the advantages that

(a) You keep your house. It is your safety net and (depending on the practical, legal and payment arrangements you have with your boyfriend) perhaps it is still your principal private residence and your home. Carefully consider all possible long term consequences before you rent out or sell your house, and

(b) You, your boyfriend and/or your daughter could stay in your house alongside your lodger, depending on its size.

(c) Properties deteriorate if left empty. It's better that someone lives in your house.

I had a brilliant long-term lodger for 4 years, and I couldn't have afforded all my bills without her. I didn't charge her a lot, but the arrangement was very helpful to us both, and I could still have visitors - friends or relatives - to stay.

Slithery

I don't think that the 'Rent a room' arrangement would work as it isn't the OP's main residence.

Pixie5740

JB50MSE said:

Don't make decisions based solely on emotion, especially guilt. You need to take everything into account. Long term relationships, long term finances, long term security etc.

Dog Lady No 4 has the best suggestion. You can legally rent a bedroom in your house tax-free, if you follow the government rules. See https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home

Dog_Lady_No_4 said:

Why not rent out a room instead? That way u get some income and your daughter still has her home 

Rent A Room - to a carefully selected lodger, who you have personally vetted - has the advantages that

(a) you keep your house. It is your safety net and (depending on the practical, legal and payment arrangements you have with your boyfriend) perhaps it is still your principal private residence and your home. Carefully consider all possible long term consequences before you rent out or sell your house, and

(b) you and/or your daughter can stay in your house alongside your lodger.

I had a brilliant long-term lodger for 4 years, and I couldn't have afforded all my bills without her. I didn't charge her a lot, but the arrangement was very helpful to us both, and I could still have visitors - friends or relatives - to stay.

From the first page of the Rent a Room link…

Becoming a resident landlord

You’re a resident landlord if you let out part of a property which is your only or main home.

The property is no longer the only or main home of the person who sent in the MMD. 

JB50MSE

Pixie5740 said:

From the first page of the Rent a Room link…Becoming a resident landlord

You’re a resident landlord if you let out part of a property which is your only or main home.

The property is no longer the only or main home of the person who sent in the MMD.

Note "..your only OR main home." The MMD questioner doesn't actually say which is her main home. "Living with a boyfriend" does not necessarily mean her boyfriend's home is her main home and it's certainly not her only home. For all we know, her house may be her main home, and her boyfriend's home may be her secondary home. What rights and obligations does she have in relation to to her boyfriend's home? Possibly few rights if the relationship fails. If the questioner rents out her entire house, there is likely to be tax to pay on the rental income, and also possibly on the sale proceeds when/if she may later sell her house. She may find it helpful to check/find out all the legal, tax and financial implications independently, before discussing the situation with her boyfriend and/or daughter, so that she doesn't disadvantage herself, and emotions don't overrule the best option(s). 

GaleSF63

greensalad said:

davilown said:

Perhaps we should be a bit more like this!

Despite my other comment, this article seems horrible. Why does anyone have to be "more important" than another in a family? What's wrong with everyone being "important", or no one at all? It's not a competition. Children's desires are important and so are parents. Neither is better or "on a pedestal" more than the other. 

I think the article gives food for thought even if you don't agree with it all.