Money Moral Dilemma: Should I rent out my house if it means my daughter has to stay elsewhere?

squirrel59

Either you & bf move into your home and he can rent out his flat, or you do Air B&B in yours. If I were your daughter I would be very sad if you sold the parental home. It's an important anchor for a child -  because that is what, after all, she is until is truly settled in her own life.
I was fortunate enough to have my childhood home until both my lovely parents passed away when I was 45, and it was always the safe place. I'm convinced it gave me an unshakable core of stability.
My husband, on the other hand, during the first 30 years of his life moved from pillar to post, first because of his Dad's work, and then his own. It has turned him into a rolling stone, and he regrets that terribly.
Of course everybody is different, but just sayin'.

seven-day-weekend

I would do Air B&B and then it can be free for your daughter .

keithyno.1

CapeTown said:

Never put boyfriend before your own children. I am also a landlord. The costs of being one are so expensive.  £650 per month really isn't worth it. You will pay tax on that too.

Relationships break up but you should always aim to keep the one with your daughter 

That last sentence is so true. Think ahead to the future, when you’re in your 80’s (I know it’s hard to do right now, but it WILL come to you) - boyfriend may well be long gone by then. Who will you turn to for help with all your needs and support? Your daughter of course, because basically nobody else will be interested in you…you’ll be just yet another old person as far as the system’s concerned.

And in the back of her mind, what would your daughter remember? Why, how you stuck her in a hotel for weeks and months at a time when she returned from university, when she needed a HOME to come back to. I think you’d find yourself dumped in a miserable, soulless care home before you could say “soft Mick.” 

Think carefully about what’s important to you in your life - a few quid a month from a property rental, or your daughter’s enduring love? Because make no mistake, the tables will turn in the future, when it will be YOU who needs all the help and support you can get, rather than your daughter right now.

CornishJoolz

I have a slightly different situation in which we have a buy to let property in which our daughter has been living, paying us nominal rent to to cover the mortgage and Council Tax, since our last tenant moved out at the start of the pandemic. We're happy to do this because she's a newly qualified nurse working gruelling long shifts inc. several nights in a row, plus nurses Covid patients so can't live at home as my husband is in the vulnerable category.  There are dozens of prospective tenants chasing every rental property in Cornwall and much greedier landlords than us are charging extortionate rents which a bottom rung nurse's salary can't cover.

While we're in effect losing money at the moment there's no way I want to make a profit out of my own daughter, particularly as she's working flat out for the NHS.  It won't be for ever, and if parents can help young adult children in this horrible time, why wouldn't they?

Sanctioned_Parts_List

OP's daughter is an adult and has agency. She might no longer need nor particularly want to come "home," especially as it's now empty, and may have other options she'd be happy to explore. Thus, in answer to the question, "What should I do?" the answer is that OP should have this exact conversation with her adult daughter rather than with random strangers on the internet.

My parents emigrated while I was at university. I took summer jobs. Meh.

honestcove

£300/month to run a house? 

That’s presumably excluding rent or mortgage payments, or you own the property outright.
If the latter then you are in quite a fortunate financial position and so the loss of convenience for you and your daughter might trump the relative small amount of profit forgone.

Snookie12cat

I suppose it depends how much you want her to visit you. If you make it too hard by her having no where to stay she will probably come back less. 

Is that money worth it to you?

smiths5

On top of what most have already mentioned, what about when she finishes university in the near future? By taking away her home and safety cushion you would be putting a lot of pressure on your daughter to find employment straight away to support herself and provide herself with somewhere to live permanently (unless you’re willing to provide for her financially after university too?). Unfortunately being employed immediately after studying is not a reality for many graduates, and I speak from experience that this pressure could be incredibly damaging to her wellbeing. One of the few comforts in her stage of life will be knowing she still has a family home to return to in the worst case scenario.

It’s quite likely even suggesting this to your daughter will cause a rift, let alone going through with it.

davilown

CapeTown said:

Never put boyfriend before your own children. I am also a landlord. The costs of being one are so expensive.  £650 per month really isn't worth it. You will pay tax on that too.

Relationships break up but you should always aim to keep the one with your daughter 

Not sure I agree with this - the daughter is an adult. Mum has already invested her life to her so perhaps if daughter doesn’t get in with the Bf then that’s the daughter’s problem.
you can’t live you life for your children and neither should you. They’ll never become independent.

Indigo_and_Violet

My parents moved house to a rural village about 500 miles away from where I grew up in my first term at uni. While there was space and I was always welcome there, I knew nobody and there was no prospect of any summer work or similar. I went home for a couple of weeks at Christmas and maybe a week at Easter but other than that I always found a way to say in my uni town (I was in halls for 2 years but always found a short-term sublet over the summer). I was at a small university who were flexible about finding me a room somewhere (even if not my normal room) and had storage space for international students that I used to keep a lot of my stuff over the summer. My parents helped with the extra rent, particularly at Christmas/Easter where it was harder to find short-term work and typically got added to my regular accommodation bill, but I generally paid to stay over the summers. 

It wasn't typical and possibly contributed to me being more independent than other people but it's not as uncommon as you think. I made a very international friendship group at the various random accommodation blocks that were dedicated to housing the students that stayed. 

I would talk to your daughter about it first so you both know how you feel about it. My parents were clear that this was something they had wanted to do for a long time but had waited until after I (the youngest) had finished school and that since jobs came up in that area infrequently they wanted to move when they could. I have no hard feelings - they spent 18 years putting us first and were generous in supporting me at uni in other ways. However, your daughter might feel differently, particularly since you're moving in with a new partner and there's not space for her.