Gift giving at Christmas - how do you approach it?

DD265

My family are exchanging token gifts and 'time' this year.

I think I'll be helping my grandparents declutter, my mother decorating, and I would like some advice for the garden and some help making a blind and cushions. It's not that we wouldn't help each other, but I guess we probably wouldn't ask normally, and I value time higher than 'stuff'.

With OH's family, we're trying to direct people to small gifts that we know we want. Please, no more mugs!

OH and I bought a Lego set which we'll build between Christmas and New Year, then we'll do stockings which is basically going to be all edible.

pollypenny

Savvy_Sue said:

olgadapolga said:

I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children open their presents and that's all I need, apart from someone to prep the vegetables as I detest peeling carrots! 

Anyone in the house on Christmas Eve is required to be in the kitchen at 3pm when the service of Nine Lessons starts on Radio 4. Pick a knife, veg peeler and chopping board, get prepping.

I supply treats and live accompaniment to the service.

Oh, no!  I have the kitchen, the radio and the vegetables to myself!  😄

powerspowers

I don’t buy for many at all now! We’ve set up a secret Santa for dads side of the family (6 grownup kids, 2 with partners + dad + step mum) with a price cap of £20- it works really well, people either get something they’ve requested or something silly. The youngest are16 and they joined in a few years ago. Their parents are still buying for them but that doesn’t make sense for the oldest. 

The only other people I buy for are my mum, my partner and my nephew. My partner buys for all his family and I think it’s bonkers- last year was mostly just transferring each other £20. 

Username03725

pollypenny said:

Savvy_Sue said:

olgadapolga said:

I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children open their presents and that's all I need, apart from someone to prep the vegetables as I detest peeling carrots! 

Anyone in the house on Christmas Eve is required to be in the kitchen at 3pm when the service of Nine Lessons starts on Radio 4. Pick a knife, veg peeler and chopping board, get prepping.

I supply treats and live accompaniment to the service.

Oh, no!  I have the kitchen, the radio and the vegetables to myself!  😄

Festival Of Lessons & Carols in the kitchen? No way - that's the start of Christmas so that's the time to be on the settee in front of the hifi listening to it properly, including the pips and the news bulletin that precedes it. Anyone can be there alongside, but no interruptions certainly not for the first few minutes pls.

Anyway, gifting. Agreed with siblings years ago to stop after the tat became an in-joke but still meant we had to deal with incoming tat, and had to buy a load to give back. Trying to second guess what middle-aged siblings want is beyond me these days unless it's a bottle of wine and they may as well buy themselves what they like and I'll get what I like. It doesn't alter the relationship, it's still great.

My theory on xmas gifts is that those of us past say 50 grew up in an age where as kids we didn't really have things through the year and Christmas was an excuse for relatives etc to give us things - toys, clothes, an album we liked etc. And I think that's largely gone, we now live in a very materialistic society and kids in general don't go without like we did, and the same goes too for most adults I reckon. So giving doesn't fill the gap that existed when we grew up in the 60s, 70s and to some extent the 80s. It also costs a lot more and takes up time, for no real benefit to anyone.

And, as it's the man himself, here's Martin Lewis with his take on gifting.

maisie_cat

Username03725 has hit the nail on the head, if we need things we buy them or save for them as we are going along. We used to get Christmas clothes, and they became best for that year.
My mum suggested the "only for children" presents about 30 years ago because we are such a big family. At the time we were all adult and only 2 of my siblings had children.
It did mean that a couple of us without partners or children received no presents at all and I used to buy myself something with the money I saved. For a few years in the early 2000s we sisters started exchanging gifts again  but eventually stopped because it became a "tat for tat" 10 years ago.
We did buy for my late MIL because she was largely housebound and as others have said the gifts made her day. Now hubby and I only buy for each other, with a £50 limit for things we'd like rather than need. Mine are usually woodworking or kitchens tools/gadgets.
The original "children" are now in their 30s and don't even bother sending cards.

TripleH

My late father was happy with several packs of his favourite biscuits / chocolate (although he'd happily share them out), I'm similar. It is the giving and thought of getting something you want and like even if it is perishable.

Luckily we don't do gifts as I dread presents that someone thinks I like because I made a vague remark in passing 3 years prior. Mainly as I am terrible at faking appreciation for unwanted gifts.

Silvertabby

My late mum always believed in getting the most for her money, and not just at Christmas.

As an adult, and knowing that she had limited funds, (and that not buying presents wasn't an option!) I would try to suggest a small gift that I would treasure.  Unfortunately, she believed that 20 bits from the £ shop was a much better value present that the one thing I had suggested.  Such a waste, as the whole lot just went into the bin.

I still miss my mum and her Christmas tat. 

74jax

Silvertabby said:

My late mum always believed in getting the most for her money, and not just at Christmas.

As an adult, and knowing that she had limited funds, (and that not buying presents wasn't an option!) I would try to suggest a small gift that I would treasure.  Unfortunately, she believed that 20 bits from the £ shop was a much better value present that the one thing I had suggested.  Such a waste, as the whole lot just went into the bin.

I still miss my mum and her Christmas tat. 

My dad used to buy me tons of soup and custard. Stuff I'd never eat, rolled my eyes at every time he gave me them, and eventually I donate to the food bank......

I'd give anything for him to buy me some soup now 😂

eamon

Finally after many years of procrastinating to myself re presents for good friends at Christmas they made the decision for me - no more gift vouchers etc as they hadn't spent the last couple. I long ago stopped buying them gifts that would take up space. To further cement this I suggested no presents altogether, so we compromised on max budget £10 and no "stuff". I'm hoping to get a sponsored Donkey (£30 between 4 works). They shall be getting something along similar lines.

SingleSue

I buy for my (now adult) children, my nieces and nephews, my two siblings and my mum. I have an allowed maximum budget of  £5 per person for nieces, nephews and siblings, £40 per offspring and £20 to £30 for mum. I have managed to get my brother's, his wife's and their daughter's for the grand total of £11 this year.

We do lists to cut down on tat we don't need. The main things on my list are teabags, Amazon vouchers (so I can buy books, knickers and bras) and a V pillow.