Gift giving at Christmas - how do you approach it?

squirrelchops2

I have just been very vocal that I don't want tat cluttering up my cupboards or me having to do a run to the charity shop on 3rd Jan so please let's just agree on a couple of little bits I really want - this extends to inlaws and partner. I don't buy for anyone else now except my mum and she gets a food hamper which she loves.
I see all these sets in the shops, see people buying random stuff and think people really are just buying stuff just for the sake of giving something. I would also hate to see anyone get in debt and actually a better present for me would be for someone who is strapped for cash to save that and enter the new year in a better financial position.

tealady

As an "adults only" family (no kids or grandkids) we agreed years ago on not buying presents.
The rationale being we would use the money we saved to treat ourselves.
That suited the bargain hunter in the family.
I loathe busy shops, have lousy taste and so it's great for me as I can ignore all the  boxed "tat" (aka "gift" sets) and just batten down the hatches till the madness is over.

Pollycat

Frugalista said:

boldaslove said:

How do you approach this with your families/friends? If you like gifting at Christmas what’s your take on it? I’ve debated sticking to my guns and not buying anyone anything this year but I know for a fact I’ll end up getting presents and I’ll feel very awkward about that. But perhaps that’ll install the message for next year?

I had this situation with my family a number of years ago.  I don't like Christmas anyway, and my husband and I had both been made redundant - so had no money for presents.  I simply asked everyone not to buy us gifts as we wouldn't be buying them gifts. 

My mum and one sister were not happy saying "Christmas is for giving, not receiving" to which I replied that I refused to be made to feel guilty if they insisted on buying for us as I had been completely open an honest with them well in advance. It took a couple of years but we stuck to our guns and, finally, they got the message.  This has been totally liberating!!  When folk are rushing around like headless chickens trying to buy all sorts, I can just sit back and relax.

Good luck!

+1 to this ^^^.

I stopped buying gifts for Aunties when it got to swopping boxes of chocolates/bottles of wine.
It was a relief all round.

We have a very small family, I gift money to my sister and her grown up kids.
I buy a few bits for my OH and buy for my friend and her OH.
That's it.

I buy throughout the year so it's not stressful.
All my gifts are already wrapped up.

I'm retired now but we used to do secret Santa at work.
I stopped that after I specifically said 'no make-up' and someone bought me a cheap eye shadow palette with colours that I'd never use.
It went straight to a charity shop.

olgadapolga

I buy for my children who range from 8yo to 21yo and my mum, that's it. DH and I decided years ago not to get each other anything as if we want something, we just buy it.

I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children open their presents and that's all I need, apart from someone to prep the vegetables as I detest peeling carrots! 

Torry_Quine

It's a shame that it seems for a lot of people gift buying is a chore partly it looks like due to large numbers of people to buy for 
In my case there have never been children to buy for and only a handful of adults. I buy what I hope is appropriate and appreciated and get gifts that are always welcome.

thegreenone

olgadapolga said:

I buy for my children who range from 8yo to 21yo and my mum, that's it. DH and I decided years ago not to get each other anything as if we want something, we just buy it.

I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children open their presents and that's all I need, apart from someone to prep the vegetables as I detest peeling carrots! 

You peel carrots????????  

You are right about buying things as and when we need them.

Hubby and I have a weekend away in early December and give a token present to each other on the day.  Again, token presents for our adult sons and money.   MiL decided last year that they wouldn't be giving presents, just money and I'm hoping for the same this year.  

OP, I think you have the perfect reason this year - no room for putting anything.  If family are really not happy perhaps suggest they hold back until you have your house and know better what you actually need.

Spendless

I peel carrots too. I've never had them served in pubs/restaurants with their skin still on.

I'm intrigued with the 'only for children' presents. How does that work as the children grow up start working themselves, do they not buy for anyone other than a younger generation? If that's the case as I started work I would have only bought for my younger sibling for a few years, and she wouldn't have bought for anyone at all until we both had children of our own, a decade later.

Instead I was quite happy to buy for parents, grandparents and for a while continued with siblings and partners as well as Neices, Nephews and Godchildren. Most of what I call 'extended family' (eg not a parent/grandparent/great grandparent to child relationship) thave dropped off now. I've just got 1 on my present list that I think is time to remove but it's a bit family sensitive at the minute. That situation should  resolve in the next year or so. I'll also say as my kids grew up they didn't lack items, and always had plenty of toys, electronic games, clothes and make up (as DD grew older). If they'd grown up in impoverished circumstances it would have been different. The older generation however, was always happy to receive things that made their pension stretch further, gave them a luxury item they'd not considered before (buying my Mum some tweezerman tweezers being a perfect example, though tweezers are an item she doesn't live without, she was still buying the £2 ones she'd had when I was a teen. Could she afford a decent brand, absolutely, would she consider spending that much on them not knowing the difference they can make - highly unlikely. I bought her some as a gift and it was her favourite christmas present that year0  

Pixie5740

@Spendless, in my family it works that you buy the children of your siblings birthday and Christmas presents up to the age of 21. I don’t know if the rule applies to grandparents as mine had all died long before any of us reached 21. 

olgadapolga

thegreenone said:

olgadapolga said:

I buy for my children who range from 8yo to 21yo and my mum, that's it. DH and I decided years ago not to get each other anything as if we want something, we just buy it.

I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children open their presents and that's all I need, apart from someone to prep the vegetables as I detest peeling carrots! 

You peel carrots????????  

You are right about buying things as and when we need them.

Hubby and I have a weekend away in early December and give a token present to each other on the day.  Again, token presents for our adult sons and money.   MiL decided last year that they wouldn't be giving presents, just money and I'm hoping for the same this year.  

OP, I think you have the perfect reason this year - no room for putting anything.  If family are really not happy perhaps suggest they hold back until you have your house and know better what you actually need.

No, I don't peel carrots, my husband does!

kimwp

Spendless said:

I peel carrots too. I've never had them served in pubs/restaurants with their skin still on.

I'm intrigued with the 'only for children' presents. How does that work as the children grow up start working themselves, do they not buy for anyone other than a younger generation? If that's the case as I started work I would have only bought for my younger sibling for a few years, and she wouldn't have bought for anyone at all until we both had children of our own, a decade later.

Instead I was quite happy to buy for parents, grandparents and for a while continued with siblings and partners as well as Neices, Nephews and Godchildren. Most of what I call 'extended family' (eg not a parent/grandparent/great grandparent to child relationship) thave dropped off now. I've just got 1 on my present list that I think is time to remove but it's a bit family sensitive at the minute. That situation should  resolve in the next year or so. I'll also say as my kids grew up they didn't lack items, and always had plenty of toys, electronic games, clothes and make up (as DD grew older). If they'd grown up in impoverished circumstances it would have been different. The older generation however, was always happy to receive things that made their pension stretch further, gave them a luxury item they'd not considered before (buying my Mum some tweezerman tweezers being a perfect example, though tweezers are an item she doesn't live without, she was still buying the £2 ones she'd had when I was a teen. Could she afford a decent brand, absolutely, would she consider spending that much on them not knowing the difference they can make - highly unlikely. I bought her some as a gift and it was her favourite christmas present that year0  

"Still buying tweezers", you know they are re-usable, right? 🤔