Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

chicker

Hi SH 

I have been trying to catch up for a week or so until I came across another poster saying they had given up trying to catch up so thought I would do the same   

If you could find time to post a weekly synopsis that would be most helpful 😉

Chicker

EssexHebridean

enjoy your time with your friend SH.

Om the stuff with DD - much as everyone else will have their own way of doing things, remember there's no hard and fast "right" on this - but there probably is "right for you". I will say be wary of making too many excuses for her though - regardless of other issues, she could certainly be listening to you more by the sound of it, and if she genuinely doesn't understand the financial side, she could ask you for explanations. You certainly don't have to justify yourself to her in any way though! 

girlatplay

Am caught up.

Is your DD at uni as part of her apprenticeship?  If not then the circumstances between her and DS are totally different.  I could give a couple of examples of my own experience of different circumstances between siblings resulting in unequal financial treatment (even though "we treat you both equally") but I don't want to bore anyone to sleep.

Enjoy your evening with your friend.

edinburgher

@savingholmes - sorry DD can't see things from your POV. For what it's worth (and I think borne out by comments made by others), it's surprisingly common. One of my siblings made a constant fuss about paying minimal rent when working full time and living at home (say £250, maybe 30% of income). When given the despairing "you treat this place like a hotel chat" they replied "if I was living in a hotel I'd get better service" They're now 40+ and have never sorted out their finances (or sense of entitlement)! Stay the course 

jwil

Have a good time with your friend

MovingForwards

Enjoy your evening of chatting and catching up.

happihorse

Hi savingholmes - just stopping by to say 'hi'.

I think it kind of comes with the territory re the sibling thing.  Looking back now I always thought my parents’ gave my brother preferential treatment but now I see that we were both extremely fortunate to have such caring and generous parents.  They have always been quite tight and very careful with money which, as a teenager, I was quite frustrated by but now I totally see where they were coming from.  They have taught me some fundamental life lessons as a result and it's definitely paying off now.

I hope you have a lovely evening.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Our eldest DD is very good at noticing (or perceiving) what her siblings get that she doesn't... completely forgetting all circumstances where any discrepancy is in her favour.  Drives me absolutely mad.
Liking the gratitude list

savingholmes

chicker said:

I have been trying to catch up for a week or so until I came across another poster saying they had given up trying to catch up so thought I would do the same   

If you could find time to post a weekly synopsis that would be most helpful 😉

@chicker but what day would I do the weekly synopsis? I have the same feeling on Cheery's diary and South Coast's diary... 

Synopsis
It usually boils down to I made some art. I tried to tackle something on the house... I looked after DD and the cat - and they both drive me demented at times - but can be good company. My counsellor is ace (fortnightly). Work is mostly okay - but trying to get more pay.... Trying to squeeze more joy into my life - hence the art - but more recently also baking again, experimenting with cooking e.g. different stuff in soup... Trying to make money stretch without becoming Scr00ge Mcduff. I tried to tackle some life admin - this week it was Energy and my will. 

This week's addition is I invited a particular work colleague to my house for the first time ever to make art. It went well. I'm off to the city at the weekend and trusting DD doesn't have a party or destroy my house while I'm gone!!! I'm fitting in seeing family/staying with family and if I'm really lucky I may get on the day tickets for a show. I suppose also - how do I create more adult relationships with my children now they are young adults and post my divorce...

Decluttering was January's theme. February's theme could be variations of how do I stop people pleasing? How do I put myself higher up my own list? (Still difficult even though now divorced). How do I create more joy in my life without feeding my Am**** addiction? How do I maintain a budget without being consumed by it...? You know the little things

EssexHebridean said:

I will say be wary of making too many excuses for her though 

100% agree. Still finding balance with this one.

girlatplay said:

Am caught up.

Is your DD at uni as part of her apprenticeship?  If not then the circumstances between her and DS are totally different. 

Well done GAP on catching up. I get how difficult it can be!! No DD is not at uni - she is doing college 1 day a week as part of her apprenticeship.

edinburgher said:

@savingholmes - sorry DD can't see things from your POV.... it's surprisingly common.... Stay the course 

Thanks that's encouraging. I think she will only understand if/when she's finally in a similar situation to me...

Waves at jwil, MF and happihorse and Ohsh....

I remember being very jealous of my siblings... DD does give me more sympathy for my own parents

I really do appreciate you all tagging along and posting!!

EssexHebridean

One thing that did leap out at me from the earlier comments - don't lose sight of the fact that by explaining to DD and detailing real-world costs you're actually doing her a favour - you'd be doing her a favour by asking her to contribute to those costs too but I suspect it will be harder to get her to see that!   (She WOULD see it eventually though - even if just when the time comes that she has kids of her own who are at the stage she is at now. )

There are times when I think that being an only child had some advantages - nobody to compare with or feel hard done by in comparison to is definitely one!