Missy’s Surviving the storm so we can dance in the rain.

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Comments

  • Four_Seasons
    Four_Seasons Posts: 906 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Posts
    Sending you love and hugs Missy, look after yourself x
  • joedenise
    joedenise Posts: 17,543 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    So sorry to hear this @missymoo81.  I can't offer you any advice not having been in the same position but you will get through this.  You are a strong woman.

    Sort out the financial stuff first.  Make sure your OH doesn't have any access to your bank accounts.  Get his name taken off any joint accounts.  

    Sending you a huge virtual hug!

  • jwil
    jwil Posts: 21,562 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    So sorry to hear this Missy.  That's awful.  I agree with the others, you are strong and will get through this.  Lots of people on here to support you the best we can. xx
    "If you can dream it, you can do it". Walt Disney
  • missymoo81
    missymoo81 Posts: 7,912 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Thank you, I really appreciate all of your thoughts and kindness, along with your practical advice. I’ve briefly looked at entitled to. And I can survive on that I think. But my work is seasonal. The business is another thing, I’d need to take advice on that. I’m pretty sure I’m not entitled to any of it. Not sure what to call him but my ‘husband’ is at his brothers seeking professional help. So it’s all a bit cloudy at the moment. But the children are happy and no idea I don’t think. Im
    in bits today, like it has properly hit me, just tried to do the washing and saw his dirty clothes and just broke down out of sadness, hurt and anger. So broken. sorry, just struggling to talk in real life, I’m so exhausted by it all. I’m ok, just so emotionally done.
  • MeandO
    MeandO Posts: 3,173 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Put his dirty clothes in a black bag Missy and let him take them to his brother's. You have done too much for too long. 
    Make yourself a cuppa and sit in the sunshine for 10 minutes, then deep breath, music on and throw yourself into a task. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through this. xx

    If your work is seasonal you can estimate your annual income for the year and they will base any benefit on that. I'd apply as soon as you can as you should be entitled to the government's cost of living payments to which will equate to a further £600 this year. As for the business, is it in his name only? 
    Mortgage @ 03/2019: £125,000, Now: £55,000
    Mortgage OP’s: £18,140.57
  • missymoo81
    missymoo81 Posts: 7,912 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Business is in his name but we are married so I don’t know how that works, it’s all a bit soon for these thoughts though. I’ve had to tell work a lie to get out of it this week. I will tell my proper boss next week but at the moment it’s just too soon. Don’t know what to do with myself.
  • Bluegreen143
    Bluegreen143 Posts: 3,682 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Missy, I’m so so sorry to read this. Just wanted to send love and hugs. You will get through this ❤️
    Part time working mum | Married in 2014 | DS born 2015 & DD born 2018

    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6542225/stopping-the-backsliding-a-family-of-four-no-longer-living-beyond-their-means/p1?new=1

    Consumer debt free!
    Mortgage: -£128,033

    Savings: £6,050
    - Emergency fund £1,515
    - New kitchen £556
    - December £420
    - Holiday £3,427
    - Bills £132

    Total joint pension savings: £55,425
  • fionaandphil
    fionaandphil Posts: 380 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited 17 May 2023 at 5:57PM
    Sending you my best wishes too. If you have access to any joint accounts print out statements now so you know how much is in there, you might need that later. If you can't get him taken off joint account, set up some new accounts of your own and put some money in there so you have that to fall back on. My friends ex tried to conceal accounts and earnings. If there are still documents relating to his own accounts in the house, keep details of those 2.

    Good luck and remember you will get through this. First priority is you and your kids x

  • missymoo81
    missymoo81 Posts: 7,912 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Thank you, I really do appreciate all of your comments, sorry to not thank you all individually, my head is v much all over the place and I can’t think of too much at a time, I’m currently in a sort of limbo that doesn’t seem real, where I’m being all normal to the children and at school like an outer body experience, then getting completely lost in horrible thoughts when I’m on my own. I guess over the next few days or at least after the weekend thinks will become more obvious and I can start making plans. Thank you all for being there, and thank you for your advice and pms I will reply when I can form better sentences x
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