Missy’s Surviving the storm so we can dance in the rain.

Four_Seasons

Sending you love and hugs Missy, look after yourself x

joedenise

So sorry to hear this @missymoo81.  I can't offer you any advice not having been in the same position but you will get through this.  You are a strong woman.

Sort out the financial stuff first.  Make sure your OH doesn't have any access to your bank accounts.  Get his name taken off any joint accounts.  

Sending you a huge virtual hug!

jwil

So sorry to hear this Missy.  That's awful.  I agree with the others, you are strong and will get through this.  Lots of people on here to support you the best we can. xx

MeandO

I'm so sorry to read this Missy. I went through a breakup and divorce when my son was 2 and it wasn't easy. I had no family nearby and friends were mostly OH's contacts, so I was very much alone in dealing with it. 

Firstly, do as others have advised and make sure you sort the financial stuff. If he hasn't left yet, then insist he does so. You can then contact the council and get your council tax reduced and apply for universal credit.

Have some fun, but free time out with the children and try and make the most of the sunshine at the moment.

I fell apart when my marriage broke down but I came out the other side of it as a much stronger, independent woman in charge of my own life and, I have to tell you, it's quite liberating after a while. Don't take this the wrong way, but it didn't sound like your husband had been particularly supportive for a long time. It sounded very much like you had an extra 'adult' child to look after and cater for and I think, in a little while when you are feeling a bit stronger, this may be the start of a brand new Missy who is in charge of her own destiny. Go and be the best little team of three you can be xx

missymoo81

Thank you, I really appreciate all of your thoughts and kindness, along with your practical advice. I’ve briefly looked at entitled to. And I can survive on that I think. But my work is seasonal. The business is another thing, I’d need to take advice on that. I’m pretty sure I’m not entitled to any of it. Not sure what to call him but my ‘husband’ is at his brothers seeking professional help. So it’s all a bit cloudy at the moment. But the children are happy and no idea I don’t think. Im
in bits today, like it has properly hit me, just tried to do the washing and saw his dirty clothes and just broke down out of sadness, hurt and anger. So broken. sorry, just struggling to talk in real life, I’m so exhausted by it all. I’m ok, just so emotionally done.

MeandO

Put his dirty clothes in a black bag Missy and let him take them to his brother's. You have done too much for too long. 
Make yourself a cuppa and sit in the sunshine for 10 minutes, then deep breath, music on and throw yourself into a task. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through this. xx

If your work is seasonal you can estimate your annual income for the year and they will base any benefit on that. I'd apply as soon as you can as you should be entitled to the government's cost of living payments to which will equate to a further £600 this year. As for the business, is it in his name only? 

missymoo81

Business is in his name but we are married so I don’t know how that works, it’s all a bit soon for these thoughts though. I’ve had to tell work a lie to get out of it this week. I will tell my proper boss next week but at the moment it’s just too soon. Don’t know what to do with myself.

Bluegreen143

Missy, I’m so so sorry to read this. Just wanted to send love and hugs. You will get through this ❤️

fionaandphil

Sending you my best wishes too. If you have access to any joint accounts print out statements now so you know how much is in there, you might need that later. If you can't get him taken off joint account, set up some new accounts of your own and put some money in there so you have that to fall back on. My friends ex tried to conceal accounts and earnings. If there are still documents relating to his own accounts in the house, keep details of those 2.

Good luck and remember you will get through this. First priority is you and your kids x

missymoo81

Thank you, I really do appreciate all of your comments, sorry to not thank you all individually, my head is v much all over the place and I can’t think of too much at a time, I’m currently in a sort of limbo that doesn’t seem real, where I’m being all normal to the children and at school like an outer body experience, then getting completely lost in horrible thoughts when I’m on my own. I guess over the next few days or at least after the weekend thinks will become more obvious and I can start making plans. Thank you all for being there, and thank you for your advice and pms I will reply when I can form better sentences x