Sharing one-time maternity allowance payment with partner? 22 September 2021 at 2:53PM in Marriage, relationships & families 34 replies 2K views

EllaCK

Hello, I am an expecting mom and my partner asked me to put my flat maternity allowance received once after the baby is born on a joint account. We had always have money discussions and this proposal did not come as a surprise. But nevertheless, I was very frustrated since i am the one paying the medical bills and was expecting to cover some of the costs with this allowance. We both bought items for the baby and it came to the point that I told him I will pay him back the money he invested in buying clothes for the kid, if this was the reason why he wanted a share of the allowance. To me, it is pitiful but I am also wondering I am i being reasonable to think that he is cheap and should not request to share a flat maternity allowance fee given to new moms. Other new parents here? How do you deal with baby costs?

Retireby40

Where in the world are you?

EllaCK

Retireby40 said:

Where in the world are you?

I live in Luxembourg.

Brie

Congrats on your expected!  

Frankly he sounds mighty cheap. 

I'd be telling him that the money is to cover all the things to do with the pregnancy and that includes any medical expenses.  Should there be anything left over then that will be spent on the child.  

Has he said why he wants the money paid into a joint account??  Is he good with money or is he likely to spend it all on beer or bowties or whatever???

EllaCK

Thank you, Brie  Brie said:

Congrats on your expected!  

Frankly he sounds mighty cheap. 

I'd be telling him that the money is to cover all the things to do with the pregnancy and that includes any medical expenses.  Should there be anything left over then that will be spent on the child.  

Has he said why he wants the money paid into a joint account??  Is he good with money or is he likely to spend it all on beer or bowties or whatever???

Thank you, Brie
I told him that the money is to cover the medical bills and everything else related to pregnancy. But he feels entitled to a share of it.. Yes, he wants the money paid into a joint account, so he can have access to it "to pay for baby stuff". He is ok with the money, but I am rather the saver of the couple.
Another thing is that the Government will pay some monthly allowance after the baby is born. We will put that money on a shared account, so there will be money for baby costs. But he wants to share the one-time flat-fee maternity allowance, which to me sounds beyond ridiculous.  

74jax

This site is in England and I'm not sure will understand the maternity allowance side of things here or what a flat payment is.

To me it doesn't sound unreasonable to go in a joint account, but that's based on me having no idea what it is and thinking it's 'joint' for the baby. 

pearl123

EllaCK said:

Hello, I am an expecting mom and my partner asked me to put my flat maternity allowance received once after the baby is born on a joint account. 

Does the topic 'maternity allowance' have anything to do with him? Ie: is he either the mother or baby?
Since he's not the subject matter, then the  money should have nothing to do with  him. 

sheramber

Any sharing of money is between you and him.

Can you not pout the money in the joint account and  then pay the medical bills from the joint account? 

maman

I suppose it depends how you manage your finances as a couple before you were expecting. If you normally have your salaries paid into separate individual accounts then I'd say any maternity payments were in lieu of any salary you'll miss out on so should be paid to you.

But if, because of your pregnancy, you won't be able to contribute to family finances much for a while then I can see why your husband wants all the money shared for the time being.

How would you normally pay for the shared expenses like the home and food and utilities? 

Siebrie

I'm in Belgium, where there is a similar system to Luxembourg. The one-time flat fee is only paid to mothers for a reason. Make sure it is paid to where it is needed first (medical costs, nursery, powdered milk?, nappies, wetwipes, special laundry detergent, nursing bras, nursing pads for you, etc.). If there is any left you can put it in the joint account, but I doubt that there will be any. This is not 'fun' money, this is 'government helps you with basic needs' money.

Retireby40

Siebrie said:

I'm in Belgium, where there is a similar system to Luxembourg. The one-time flat fee is only paid to mothers for a reason. Make sure it is paid to where it is needed first (medical costs, nursery, powdered milk?, nappies, wetwipes, special laundry detergent, nursing bras, nursing pads for you, etc.). If there is any left you can put it in the joint account, but I doubt that there will be any. This is not 'fun' money, this is 'government helps you with basic needs' money.

It sounds like from your post you expect the father of the child to not be prepared to pay for the costs of his child.

It's abit strange that a father wouldn't want to pay for nappies, wetwipes, nursery fees etc.

So I find your "it's only paid to mothers for a reason" strange. Actually a little disrespectful like it's only mothers who contribute to the cost of those things.