Curbing the ridiculous

17172737476

Replies

  • edited 1 June at 10:22AM
    QueenJessQueenJess Forumite
    2.2K Posts
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Forumite
    edited 1 June at 10:22AM
    You can have financial security without being entitled and pots and pots of money. I put a small amount of money away for both my kids in an ISA each month so that come 18 they can use it to either have no uni debt or use it to get a deposit on a house. Should be an excellent start in life for them without feeling entitled or whatever. I also save sensibly into pensions/ISAs and mortgage overpayments so I can get to financial independence.

    The thing is that although money makes things easier and obviously has a big impact to people without any/very low incomes, the impact is less and less as you go up the scale. You are comfortable right now, so more money isn’t going to bring happiness.

    I have a decent wage, but feel like I’m selling my soul at work and feel so depressed that I just don’t see my kids enough. You never get that time back again. In my mind I’d rather spend time with the kids whilst they are growing up and then can work harder when they are older if I want to do that. The kids will not remember whether they got lots of stuff for Xmas etc, but they will remember that they never saw you as you were always working (stuff will not replace you). I really don’t believe that would make you happy. On your death bed are you going to wish you’d bought more stuff or are you going to regret you couldn’t spend any time with the kids/husband/friends, they are relative strangers and you are alone?

    Whilst we all need money to survive, there is a balance to be made. You can spend your life pursuing more money, but what’s the point? If it’s also a career you absolutely love, then that’s a trickier balance, but just for the money, no.

    So what if other people are richer? Time is the most precious resources and life is about using it most wisely to make yourself happy. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.


    August 2022
    NSD 3/12
    Fashion on the ration 38/66 coupons used
    2022 decluttering 3664/500 1,000 3,000 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 🏅


  • BellaLasagna2018BellaLasagna2018 Forumite
    183 Posts
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Forumite
    In the past I have carried a lot of guilt from raising my DD in a not well off, not even comfortable single parent household. Not the single parent bit, but the not a lot of money bit, especially as her father could afford to shower her with presents at Christmas for instance. That was until I had a chat with her, and she told me the things she remembers are the times we spent together. Even now, when she is nearly 30, she occasionally asks to recreate those experiences like having a « pick and mix » (buy lots of different treats from the supermarket) lunch together and have a chat or watch a bit of tv. 


    Also, there is a lot of pride to be had from gaining things from your own work and success rather than getting your parents to pay for it. 
    LBM: August 2006 - £12,568.49 ——  DFD: 12 March 2012
    MFD: 30 March 2019
     »The road to DF is long and bumpy » Greensaints 
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
    740 Posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Forumite
    @QueenJess sorry you are struggling at work xx

    Everything you say makes total sense and I needed to hear it.  I've just read my post back and I sound like an idiot - it's not how I thought it came across when I typed it but definitely is on reading it back!.  I definitely do value time with my kids/DH over money and material things and I didn't even like my old job(!) so I don't even know why I am being such an idiot.

    think I should probably delete that post if I can.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
    740 Posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Forumite
    @BellaLasagna2018 - so so lovely that your daughter remembers this and wants to re-create it!  I love the pick n mix idea.

    I really do want my DC to remember fun and laughter.  I need to focus on that as the no.1 priority.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
    740 Posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Forumite
    Sorry I deleted the post as I just hated reading it back.  Thanks for your comments - really appreciate it x
  • QueenJessQueenJess Forumite
    2.2K Posts
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Forumite
    @QueenJess sorry you are struggling at work xx

    Everything you say makes total sense and I needed to hear it.  I've just read my post back and I sound like an idiot - it's not how I thought it came across when I typed it but definitely is on reading it back!.  I definitely do value time with my kids/DH over money and material things and I didn't even like my old job(!) so I don't even know why I am being such an idiot.

    think I should probably delete that post if I can.
    You are allowed to have a wobble and consider if you are doing the right thing. Priorities change throughout life, so it’s good to have a think, even if the answer is the same.

    At work we did a personal development day thing and on one exercise they got us to pick our top 5 values of things that are most important to us (in order) and consider how that impacts home and work life. Mine tended to reinforce what I already knew, but a useful task nonetheless. Values can be anything like family, wealth, independence, knowledge, honesty etc etc. try asking yourself what really matters to you. I doubt money will make it to the top of the list.
    August 2022
    NSD 3/12
    Fashion on the ration 38/66 coupons used
    2022 decluttering 3664/500 1,000 3,000 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 🏅


  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
    740 Posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Forumite
    DH is waking at 0445 to go out gardening(!) but he's waking me too (accidentally) - last 2 mornings now!  It's kinda nice in a way being up before the bin lids (kids) to have a quiet coffee but it ain't 'alf exhausting!

    Got DH's family coming round at 2 for cake - DH wants me to make (for his birthday) a chocolate orange cake so have got all the stuff and will decorate with pieces of choc orange and orange matchmakers.  Got to nip to shop at 8 because went yesterday and they basically didn't have hardly anything but were apparently getting a delivery last night.

    After DH's fam been, have been invited to a friend's for a bbq but DH has band so I might just go for a little bit with 1 DC (no way can I handle both on my own at a bbq) and then get back before DH goes to band - we are only 5 mins down the road from her and I said we would just pop by but not to worry about feeding us.  It's really nice to be invited actually, as I don't have many female friends - same girl who popped by for coffee last week.  She has 2 DC, 1 is a few years older than mine but one is same age as DC1 but we had 1 playdate so far which was a disaster as DC1 was wild and her husband WFH so it was not good and we have not been invited back since(!).  Plus her DC is starting school a year early as she is so far ahead so it is kind of difficult for them to play together as DC1 is behind by around a year-14 months so it doesn't really seem to work.  Some other people I know are going too.

    We are just over half budget for the month if you don't include the holiday we just booked(!).  It's only to another one of the CI in Sept and we had to pay for ferry (and had a voucher for that from pre-covid so cost us less than £100 to take car) and pay deposit for accommodation (£300).  So because we were planning a holiday anyway at some point I am not counting it in monthly budget.  Plus my dad normally sends me a cheque end of June towards holidays (usually a minimum of 1k out of his racing winnings) so that will cover it.

    DC1 has been offered some group speech therapy which DH is going to take him to (as he gets an hours lunchbreak and I only get 30 mins plus his work is near the nursery whereas I'd have to drive from home and back) - will be nice for DH to do this with him as so far all sessions/appointments have been with me taking him.  I'm off 4 July though so may take him then.

    DC1 has been really troublesome the last 2 days - think it might be because his keyworker is off for half term and he doesn't like change.  He at least has 4 days with us now and will see his cousins today and his second cousin (the friends coming round Sat, 1 is DH's cousin) Sat.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
    740 Posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Forumite
    QueenJess said:
    @QueenJess sorry you are struggling at work xx

    Everything you say makes total sense and I needed to hear it.  I've just read my post back and I sound like an idiot - it's not how I thought it came across when I typed it but definitely is on reading it back!.  I definitely do value time with my kids/DH over money and material things and I didn't even like my old job(!) so I don't even know why I am being such an idiot.

    think I should probably delete that post if I can.
    You are allowed to have a wobble and consider if you are doing the right thing. Priorities change throughout life, so it’s good to have a think, even if the answer is the same.

    At work we did a personal development day thing and on one exercise they got us to pick our top 5 values of things that are most important to us (in order) and consider how that impacts home and work life. Mine tended to reinforce what I already knew, but a useful task nonetheless. Values can be anything like family, wealth, independence, knowledge, honesty etc etc. try asking yourself what really matters to you. I doubt money will make it to the top of the list.
    I know one of these would be justice and fairness, which is a bad one because I tend to get very very affected by injustice and unfairness even if I can't do anything about it!
  • BuffythedebtslayerBuffythedebtslayer Forumite
    18.6K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Forumite
    hello 

    Just thought I would check in and see how you are doing XXXXX 
    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • Humdinger1Humdinger1 Forumite
    898 Posts
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Posts Name Dropper
    Forumite
    @RebeccaPearson yes, how are you? Can't wait to hear all your news love Humdinger xx 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Fans demand refunds from Leeds Festival

...after Rage Against The Machine pulls out

MSE News

The 'Ask An Expert' event

Check out last week's energy-themed Q&A with MSE's experts

MSE Forum

Free museums & galleries

Where to get your culture fix across the UK

MSE Deals