Curbing the ridiculous

in Debt Free Diaries
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @doingitanyway - thank you.  I think logically, we will both definitely be ok, it's a question of "when", not "if".  But like you say, it's the dark moments that get you!  I will definitely be following your journey and perhaps, when we are both settled into our respective new homes, we can share a virtual glass of something fizzy (not water!)

    @carolbee - thank you, yes that is the big driver for me.  That, and that fact that where we are is so terribly elitist.  I am not sure I want my lovely DC to grow up in that environment.  I would much prefer they had a childhood of rough and tumble in a farm-like atmosphere.

    So, I went to shops even though feeling rough.  We only "needed" milk but as it was quiet, I decided to get some other things which I would have had to get on Saturday anyway.  So it's in the same budget month.  Got things like my coffee (I could probably have just about gone another week with what we had but the one I normally buy was on offer, the large jars so go that), the frozen vegan stuff we eat because they oftentimes don't have it, fruit for the kids, lemon juice (we'd run out), flour, bread flour, and 3 bags of nappies as on offer (they were instead of ordering the £22 box but I got home and realised they are "dry nights" so think I will take back and order the others instead).  So total was £50.33 but will obvs be £35.33 when take the nappies back.  The only rouge items to make it into the trolley were bonfire mini rolls (£1) and a bottle of white (£6.88) so not too bad and we shouldn't now need very much at all when I go on saturday.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @enthusiasticsaver - thank you.  I think one of the issues is that we have a very nice lifestyle here, but it is going to be at a huge cost (i.e. huge mortgage to get a house we like_  And then yes, there's losing the support and also our friends.  Gah, it is difficult.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    Lots of spending this last few days (too much to set out here).  Lots essential, a fair amount non-essential.  Big B88ts shop - for things we need for holiday (you know, the usual like diarrhoea tabs, dioralyte, medicine, bite cream, etc etc)  however, we are still under half budget for the month which runs to 20th.  We go away on 17th and that is not paid for (flights and hire car are but hotel isn't) so some of the budget left will go towards that - rest will come from savings (I normally save for holidays but because of house we've just been putting all money into one savings account so will come from there).  We are on half board so only lunches and drinks to buy and we are intending to do things like grab some extra fruit and pastries at breakfast to keep in our room for the kids to snack on.  On holiday, we normally have a big breakfast and then just share something at lunch so we will probably do that again and just grab extra sides so the kids can have some too.  Though both are eating a lot at the minute so it might not be possible for DH and I to share - either way, it won't be the lunches that "get" us - it will be the number of c*cktails I drink!!

    Top tip: get yourself an "excess insurance" policy - we always do this, it was £38.15 and lasts a year (check which countries it covers) but it is WAY cheaper than taking out the hire car company's one and gives you peace of mind too - well worth it.

    Two large expenses about to come up - I need glasses.  Had eyetest friday and need them.  Work pay for eyetest (£59) and give £65 towards glasses.  So I need to go in this week and choose frames as I didn't get time Friday.  We also need to get DC2 the next size up car seat and we need 2, 1 for each car.  So that it going to be around £500 with the bases too.  However, we are going to sell our old car seats and bases which should raise around £75 towards it, and also our perfect prep bottle machine as he will be off formula in the next week so that should be another £25.  Also have some children's christmas clothes in storage to sell which should net a few pounds.

    My boss is now formally asking HR if I would be able to work from the UK if we moved.  She said she didn't have an issue with it but has to check formally.  If that is a yes, DH will have a formal conversation with his work (his 2 bosses have said yes but need to get formal approval also.  At least then we know if it is a real possibility.  We've seen a house we like online which has an outbuilding which could potentially be converted to a holiday let.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    We actually decided just to order one seat and one base as we rarely have both of them in the other car - on a friday when I take DC2 to MIL, he can use DC1's seat as DH takes DC1 to nursery in the other car and then picks them both up in that car.  The seat we have just bought for DC2 for our main car is the same as the seat we have for DC1 so no issue with him sitting in DC1's seat in the other car.  So that has just saved us about £250!


  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    I also HAVE to try on the bras I bought today (which have already been paid for) and take back what doesn't fit as my last day for a refund is Wednesday.  So I will do that today!!!
  • BuffythedebtslayerBuffythedebtslayer Forumite
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    Oh My Goodness Rebecca! You have all been so ill, that is just so grim and frankly a bit scary. I really hope you are all ok now. it must have really taken it out of you. 

    I think would want the cheapest lifestyle to maintain, the least financial commitment and the most well rounded lifestyle and friendship group for the small people. Can you taken MIL with you at all? Would she want to move? I know she probably wouldn't but thought I would ask. 

    Can't believe you have been through so much with the hospital etc. Please take care, I hope you are enjoying a peaceful Sunday XXX

    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @Buffythedebtslayer - thank you.  We are all feeling much better though DC2 not 100%.

    No, they will be carrying her out of that house in a coffin!  She won't even move house here even though it is far too big for her and she can't maintain it, so no way would we get her to move.  I'm not that bothered about leaving her (though will miss the support) but for me, it is my friends.  

    So we took DC1 swimming (well, DH did, I walked around the park lots with DC2 so I would avoid the rubbish over-priced coffee and inevitable also suitably over-priced snacks at the pool).  Home now and DH is cooking a squash soup for lunch.  DC have had their lunch.  Going to head to MIL this afternoon and also get some yogurt and waffles from the supermarket near her (where they are cheapest).  I am doing lots of washing/drying and will then get the DC's clothes ready for the week and their nursery bags for tomorrow.

    We have now gone over half budget for this month because of the car seat/base but like I said above, we will claw around £100 of that back by selling the old car seats/bases and bottle machine.
  • mumtoomanymumtoomany Forumite
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    In trying to decide whether to stay or return, try this. Close your eyes and imagine you have stayed where you are, and we are now 20 years in the future. Is there anything you are regretting about staying? Now imagine you have come to England and do the same thing. Whichever is the one with the fewest regrets is probably the right choice. Good luck whatever you choose. Mumtoomany.
    Frugal Living Challenge 2022.
    Food/groceries £2640
    Bills, (electric, gas, wood, insurance, council tax, water, phone/internet) £3600
    Car, (tax, insurance, diesel, maintenance) £1200
    Animals, (sheep, chickens, dog, etc) £600
    Savings. £1320
    Clothes/mobiles/entertainment £480
    All other spends to be from earned, very small, income.
  • enthusiasticsaverenthusiasticsaver Forumite, Board Guide
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    For us we left all our family and friends when we moved 250 miles away but we moved for a better lifestyle. For us that meant more rural, a bigger and better house for the same money and less busy. We never moved again after that and still live there now so our mortgage was repaid early, we could save more into pensions so retired early and had more available cash each month. It wasn’t to a different country though but it might as well have been as we really only went back every 2-3 months. We had young children though and it was easy to make new friends and I expect you would do the same. Only you can decide whether moving for the advantages of an affordable house without a crippling mortgage outweighs leaving your friends and MIL. Would they visit you if you moved? 
    Early retired in December 2017. Debt counsellor for a High Street bank in a previous life.

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  • edited 10 October 2021 at 2:45PM
    CRANKY40CRANKY40 Forumite
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    edited 10 October 2021 at 2:45PM
    I'd move and try and find somewhere with a flat that MIL could come and go from so that she could visit regularly. The only thing that made me wonder is that you say that MIL's house is too big for her and that she can't afford to maintain it? Are there any possibilities there? Moving in with and extending? 
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