Curbing the ridiculous

in Debt Free Diaries
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  • QueenJessQueenJess Forumite
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    Please don't feel guilty.  It is all hard and there is a never ending list of things anyone could feel guilty for.  You do your best and love them, that's all they need. x
    March 2022
    NSD 13/15
    March grocery challenge £161.28/£390
    Fashion on the ration 15/66 coupons used
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    Thanks guys.  They are definitely loved, that's for sure.  All we want is the best for both of them.  We so hope this works out as we just think they will be happy with our own place where they don't have to be quiet and we can have music on and dance with them, without worrying about disturbing anyone else.

    Went to best mates house and drank rather a lot of wine.  Took ice cream as shop had no cake so £4.25.  Feeling a bit rubbish today and been up since 5am as couldn't sleep.  

    Making lunch to take in today, and chocolate but we need yoghurt (again!) so will have to get on way home at £3.15.  Another shop has it at £2.75 but that is a drive away so a no go as we need it for the DC.

    Have got 2 (pointless) Teams meetings today and a CPD session so at least won't have to do much proper work with my slight hangover(!) plus some stuff I check and update weekly which is easy.  I will save the stuff requiring my brain until Weds!
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    Bought yoghurt and cheese so total was £5.65.  We go through SO MUCH yoghurt, cheese and milk.  It's criminal.  And the supermarket prices here, also criminal.  We are looking to take car across to UK in May for a holiday so may stock up on store cupboard essentials from @ldi.  

    MIL is taking DC1 this morning so I'll only have DC2 to contend with who will hopefully have a 2 hour sleep.  I've loads of laundry to do though.

    No movement on house stuff yesterday however, landlady here has confirmed she wants a full month's rent despite us moving out on 18th - so that's over £400 we are losing.  Really annoying when DH power washed her steps even though she normally pays her ex SIL to do it!!!  Anyway.  I think the lesson is: never rent from friends (or friends mums!) - not that we had much choice with this one given there was NOTHING on the market at the time.
  • TheAbleTheAble Forumite
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    No movement on house stuff yesterday however, landlady here has confirmed she wants a full month's rent despite us moving out on 18th - so that's over £400 we are losing.  Really annoying when DH power washed her steps even though she normally pays her ex SIL to do it!!!  Anyway.  I think the lesson is: never rent from friends (or friends mums!) - not that we had much choice with this one given there was NOTHING on the market at the time.
    Have you checked your agreement? As long as you've given the full amount of notice this feels a little unreasonable.
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @TheAble - yes, I think it is too but am going to leave it alone as almost just had a fall out with my friend over sorting out the water bill!  They also knocked off 500 a month for us and would normally bind people until the end of the term (and we are leaving before the end of the term) so even though our agreement says we can go before, I just don't want to push it.
  • TheAbleTheAble Forumite
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    @TheAble - yes, I think it is too but am going to leave it alone as almost just had a fall out with my friend over sorting out the water bill!  They also knocked off 500 a month for us and would normally bind people until the end of the term (and we are leaving before the end of the term) so even though our agreement says we can go before, I just don't want to push it.
    Oh, well. In that case doesn't sound a bad deal then :)
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  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    No it's not, I guess it's just annoying that we are paying for something after we have left and they have the ability to re-let the flat if they want (even though they have no plans to).  And things like the bills haven't been dealt with properly in terms of them not doing meter readings when we moved in (despite us asking) so we've actually paid a gas bill for time we weren't even here under tenancy and said nothing about it.  We just don't want the same happening the other end which is why we (I) am trying to control the process a bit more.

    However, I got very stressed out by it all earlier and went off at DH on the phone saying I can't take the mental load any more as it's me who is dealing with all of this and the house purchase and he's not doing anything other than he's liaised with the movers and storage but I've had to ask him to do it around 4 times so it's then still in my mental bank.  Plus I work 28 hours a week and the other times have the kids (and deal with everything needing to be organised for them) so it all gets on top of me on occasion.  Plus I appear to have a cold and feel rotten (negative LFT).
  • QueenJessQueenJess Forumite
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    Please hang in there.  I know how rubbish it is when you have to deal with everything yourself, despite also working full time, kids etc.  If you can, have a word with DH and allocate out tasks.  Write them on a list and then re-review regularly together.  I often find the act of writing them down at least alleviates the mental load a bit.
    March 2022
    NSD 13/15
    March grocery challenge £161.28/£390
    Fashion on the ration 15/66 coupons used
  • RebeccaPearsonRebeccaPearson Forumite
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    @QueenJess - thank you.  I think I might try the list approach as that seems to work for him at work!  Just picked DC1 up from MIL and stayed for a coffee and had to laugh when I was telling her how DH doesn't do anything mental load wise and she said (she was a stay at home mum) - "well I mean he's working isn't he".  To which I said "MIL, I work too and I basically earn the same as what he does so saying that doesn't wash with me".  In her view, the man brings home the bacon and the woman stays at home to look after the kids and the house.  And for people who organise their lives that way, that's cool, but I work and so the load should be shared.

    A NSD today at least.  Tomorrow is the last day of the month's budget and we will need milk, but should be around £5.  Then a whole new shiny budget month from thursday.

    Got details of the DC's nursery costs from sept today - going to be higher than I thought by about £100 a month as they are putting the rates up.  Have pay review mid-feb so hoping they give me a half decent rise.  I must get around to calling some recruitment agents to try to get an idea of what I should be getting paid as I do think I am being under-paid (and have been all my working life!), but that said, I do get a heck of a lot of flexibility and am not very often placed under much pressure.  That has quite a high value.

    Does anyone use any frugal cooking websites which have really tasty recipes?  I am struggling to find any that seem to be cheap enough to justify doing as food is pretty important to us.
  • astrocytic_kittenastrocytic_kitten Forumite
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    The emotional labour for a family is basically a part time job and you seem to do the entirety of it, I’m not surprised it gets on top of you. Obviously I don’t have kids but my friends with them are all in the same situation where they carry the mental load and it absolutely infuriates me on their behalf. Take care x
    Debt at LBM (Dec 2018): £23,167
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