Learning to walk before I run

rtandon27

🤍 Glad to hear you are taking time to recuperate & spending time with the family! 🤍

If you are feeling up to some gentle exercises, I've found somatic exercise utoob videos to help with calming my nervous system (due to a high stress job) - I thought it was just a wacky new fad - but hey they seem to work and are gentle so I'm not going to question it!

KajiKita

I’m not at all surprised that you are feeling like things are not improving yet. Your body is just starting to catch up with itself. Give it time. 

Sending supportive hugs.

KK

Merlin's_Beard

From past experience, it definitely takes time for your brain to unwind itself. It's taken a long time to get it to the point where it is!

edinburgher

So April has come and gone...

Work want me to speak to Occupational Health next week, which is ok but I feel that OH "work for" the employer and I am wary of what I should say to them about the frustrations of my role?   

I continue to find it really hard to relax and have been doing a few wee practical things and moneymaking things around the house. I sold a Lego set that was gathering dust for £40, cleared a shelf of paperbacks to Ziffit (£20 or so) and did some surveys. Mrs E continues to make dribs and drabs selling on Vinted, too. We have managed to earn £88/each for May pocket money. I also arranged for a faulty electric blanket to be replaced, it only lasted 3 months!

Other than that, I've been doing a bit of soul searching and trying to come up with alternative career paths that I could transition to relatively soon (say over the next year). IT would seem to be a possibility, with a few training providers offering guaranteed entry level roles or your money back. Would be quite a drop in earnings for a couple of years but I would obviously be driven to make the most of any new start and to climb the ladder to regain earning power. To be honest, it's maybe one of the best options as minimum wage posts can very quickly transition into roles with more responsibility, as I saw happening to other people when I worked for an IT provider in a non-technical role.

Month end finance wise, things have been a bit of a wash. Strict NW up by c. £2,500, total NW up by c. £3,100. I was pleased with our 19.14% savings rate, would have been 22%+ if I could log into my pension AVCs account to check those details.

Take care all, thank you for the reassuring messages over the last week or two, they have been appreciated

South_coast

Better a drop in income than keeled over from stress (SC's Proverbs #1 😀)

With Occ Health, I think I'd be leaning towards brutal honesty. My gut says it would do you no harm to have it documented, plus it might do you good to get things off your chest. 

pavlovs_dog

I belong to a facebook group for people who are considering leaving teaching.  The founder of the group posted something about how much self worth we associate with our career and earning power, often unconsciously.  We consequently struggle to give ourselves permission to leave a secure, high paid, respectable career.  Despite the fact that the career has become undeniably toxic and damaging to our health and wellbeing, the only way we could possibly permit ourselves to step away from it and forgive ourselves for 'giving up' on a career that was supposed to see us through to retirement is to wait until  we have our new 'this is me until retirement' career lined up.  She argues that not only do you NOT need to have your new career lined up in order to leave, you don't even need to have the first clue about what it might be.  Her argument is that you simply need to work out what your financial bottom line is, and seek employment streams that cover this.  With your financial obligations covered, you can get out of the toxic work environment, heal and THEN make decisions about your forever after. 

Her comments about the self worth we derive from our job and earning power really struck a chord because it was something I had never properly considered or recognised in myself.  As the main breadwinner, any decision about leaving teaching wouldn't just affect me, and I feel a real sense of obligation and duty to maintain the financial security and standard of living that we've come to enjoy.  However, when work is at its worst, the flip side of that choice is that my loved ones get the scraps of me, not the best of me, because work is simply demanding too much of my time and energy.  So if I'm truly honest with myself, they lose out as much from me staying as they would from me taking a drop in income if I were to leave.  It was a hard hitting and painful 'a-ha' moment.  It has forced me to be much stricter about putting boundaries in place between home and work to make the here and now more bearable.  On the dark days when I find myself on the job sites looking for an escape, it is making it easier to fight my perfectionist tendencies and broaden my search category (and mind!) to different possibilities.

I guess the TL:DR version is don't let the lack of certainty about the end game hold you prisoner. Big decisions about your future should ideally be made with a open heart and mind, not when you are backed into a corner and feeling like there is little hope of escape.

The founder of the leaving teaching group guides people who are wresting with the above to her Youtube video here. It contains a lot of food for thought, and much of the advice would work for anyone contemplating a big career change.

SuperSecretSquirrel

Well done on making the difficult but no doubt necessary decisions Ed. Hopefully this is the start of a brighter and happier future for you and your family. Best of luck!

edinburgher

I thought that the MSE newsletter was interesting yesterday, with details of some good free courses for Scottish people being offered by the OU. The specific one that looked interesting from a career POV is probably too detailed for me at this point but it put me on to 2-3 free introductory courses that could be useful as a "sign of intent" if I give some thought to IT work?

KajiKita

Couple of thoughts 😊

In the OH review they should treat quite a lot of what you say as confidential, but if you are worried you can keep it very non specific (talk in terms like significant pressure, difficult to implement policy decisions, poorly resourced workload etc - so it gives a picture of the load on you but without being ‘incriminating’). 

If relaxing is being elusive, perhaps some relaxation or meditation apps might help. Or whatever music helps you get into the quiet zone?

If you decide to do the introductory courses, I hope you enjoy them 😊 My uncle tried to train as an accountant as he thought he had to ‘be responsible’ but after failing the exams 4 times, diverted to his passion hobby of IT and ended up as a systems engineer for a big corporate , which he absolutely loved 😊

KK

edinburgher

OH weren't much help. They said I had been marked as "long-term sick", that I wasn't and that I shouldn't have been referred until I'd had time to rest.

They said they couldn't suggest changes until I had a return to work date but I don't see how I'll be ready to return to work without changes, IYSWIM?

A mindfulness app is near the top of next week's "To Do" list and my starter course is a bit basic but forcing me to try and concentrate a little bit more, which is ok in small bursts. Thank you @KajiKita - I took your tips on board during the call