Learning to walk before I run

edinburgher

@savingholmes - absolutely - he's an absent-minded everyday angel

LadyWithAPlan

Yes I understand what you mean - some of the funds are more high risk than others but for me low cost long term passive global funds are lo risk if I am keeping them for more than 5 years.
Everything has risk - bond markets included and it turns out even 3 month gilts when Truss is in charge!

My definition of high risk is more  single shares of which I do own a few or highly active trading funds in commodities. Vet high risk is options, trading on margin and bitcoin - none of which I have.

 I do have some REITS as well which can be considered med-high but again I think risk is also a function of length of time in keeping it. Will a share/company  survive ten years in the markets - possibly no vs a S&P500 passive  over 10 years - lot less risk in losing ones capital in the latter as it has averaged over 10% pa if you look at long term trends.

I need to up my SIPP contributions so definitely will be drip feeding and avoiding UK markets.. 

Your builder experience sounds exhausting and frustrating. Did he sign all relevant necessary h&s paperwork off and did you get all required building paperwork signed off? As he sounds v unreliable and disorganised.

edinburgher

@LadyWithAPlan - I absolutely appreciate that you had a more nuanced view of things - my comment was solely intended for people who have maybe read a wee bit about passive investing on the MFW board and think "that's low/no risk". It is genuinely heartening that so many people seem to have a handle on the benefits of passive investing these days, naughty active investors like @Suffolk_lass are relatively rare

All of the furniture has now been assembled for DD2's new bedroom bar a base for a chair (10 minute job). We're all going to spend some time this morning moving more toys, clothes and books up to her room. I quite like that one of the "wings" of the room (think a square "C", or a staple) will have enough room for a bookcase at the end of it and a small couch or basket chair. This will provide a lovely little reading "nook", I would have killed for one of those as a kid I assembled a bookcase, desk and a bedside cabinet yesterday (technically it's an under desk cabinet, but it looks the part and fitted the brief of being no more than 36cm wide). There was a little damage to a few corners of the medium "B1lly" bookcase (I developed butterfingers putting it into the car) but it's not too noticeable and DD2 doesn't care. Not worth buying another one when it was £30 or so, would cost £3 in petrol and at least 1 1/2 hours just to buy another.

£120.69 paid off largest CC (2% ish). Today to be a quiter day of shoogling stuff, a bit of cleaning and laundry, maybe a trip to the tip for cardboard disposal and a roast dinner (orange stickered joint of fancy aged beef slow roasted yesterday afternoon and HM stock made with beef bones and lots of veg). Will probably make some roasties to have with it and some fresh veg on the side.

LadyWithAPlan

Its good to be a little naughty if its a small % of your wealth Yes I do understand your point, anyone looking at their S&S ISA's or SIPPS right now is going ouch.. Just a shock how the current Govt seem clueless about how  financial markets work and lost confidence  is rarely found again... I gather UK credit rating is about to be downgraded again..
I was underweight in UK but still not finding it cheap.

I personally hope to never again build an Ik** cabinet Her bedroom sounds fabulous!

savingholmes

On the furniture - for future reference if you used your family card you are covered for accidental damage I believe.

edinburgher

@savingholmes - I had completely forgotten that - would have been useful to me a few times over the years! Thank you, mentally filed for later.

Happy World Mental Health Day all! Today was a day of two halves for me, one good, one not so good.

On the positive side, I sold off a wee ISA pot that I mentioned recently to help pay off the CCs. I figured I'm never going to be FIRE without good fundamentals, £896.74 gone in a day

On the negative side, our made to measure blinds arrived and one of them doesn't fit. Despite following the fitting instructions carefully, I managed to provide one skew-whiff dimension and a £150 blind didn't fit Cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth, to the extent the neighbours probably thought I was a man possessed as I cursed bloody murder at the blind rail as I scraped the window surround paint and plaster in an attempt to get it in, eventually resorting to whacking the damn thing with a hammer.

I called the manufacturer and (fingers crossed), I may still be able to use the blind itself and they are going to send me a replacement rail (about £20, kudos to Blinds 2 Go). I picked up a tub of filler from Scr3wfix and will be able to repair the window surround fairly well over the course of the next day or two. The problem for me is how do you learn to be resilient? I know it has been a difficult and stressful time for the family and we need to be kind to ourselves but I'm seldom 5 minutes away from a pit of despair or a lake of firey rage when something apparently insurmountable arises (sometimes both)

How do the rest of you remain steady when things are going wrong all around you? I sometimes wonder if I should speak to someone professionally about this, I don't want to end up traumatising my family! (where is the super ashamed face)?

Cheery_Daff

Oh, that's very frustrating about the blind! Glad you can get it sorted.

As for remaining steady, I do think part of it is temperament, but I also definitely think it's something that can be learned. I'm a pretty cheerful soul on the whole, and usually just roll my eyes a bit in a situation like you described, and maybe swear (and complain on here! 😂), but generally don't end up in either a pit of despair or lake of firey rage (excellent descriptions!)

Mr Cheery, however, is rather more of your persuasion... 

I do know both of us are far more likely to lose it when we know someone else is there who will be more of a grown up. For him, that's often me - when he's alone he's more likely to just get on with it (after a brief period of stomping). I generally don't feel able to lose it, as I'm generally the more resilient one, and who will be the grown up if I can't? (Of course, in serious matters, he would - but in a frustrating DIY incident, it's generally down to me).

I definitely think it's something a professional could help with (I've certainly had professional help in dealing with the opposite - feeling I'm able to let go and be angry/frustrated/upset sometimes). While your family may not be traumatised, they'll certainly pick up on it, and, if they're anything like me, tiptoe round on eggshells trying to take away anything that might lead to an outburst. Not good for any of you and definitely worth sorting out before it gets too ingrained in your youngsters.

So yes, something to work on, for your own sanity, for the sake of other people in the house, and of your woodwork! 😊😊 Nothing to be ashamed about though - we're all working on our stuff in one way or another, and many of us are trying to become better people in the long run 😊 And as you rightly point out, DIY/builder nonsense is enough to fray anyone's nerves! 😮 xx

savingholmes

It could be a number of things.

It sounds like you feel trapped in a job you hate. Trapped dealing with a builder who was all you could get. Trapped for what felt like forever at outlaws. On top of all that you are currently the sole breadwinner, have an addition to the family and are all still adjusting to change in the family dynamics and to your home.

Besides needing a 🏅 you might benefit from speaking to your GP and a private counsellor. If the mood fluctuations are unusual for you could be stress / anxiety or depression. If they have persisted since childhood might be worth doing an ADHD questionnaire...

I cope with tablets and a counseller 

greent

My DH sounds similar - a little thing will send him into a rage - when 5 minutes 'breathing time' would make a difference. He improved when he was seeing a counsellor maybe 10 years ago, but she moved to the Hebrides, so that wasn't an option to continue! 

As someone who lives with a him I would say that it does affect the family. At least you are aware that you may have an issue- that is a good starting point. As Cheery said, others around will try to not cause an issue/ try to defuse it - or alternatively not get involved as them only 1 person is being shouted at, rather than several. I would say in DH's defence that he comes from a dysfunctional background that nowadays would have Child Services involved from a very early age and that he was lacking a decent, lasting father figure for all of his childhood, so struggles to relate to what he thinks *should* be done as a father - he had a series of inappropriate, mostly short term, sometimes angry often, often criminal (to minor degrees) men around - which is most definitely not him (other than anger issues!)

Counselling and some coping techniques could be a way forward? - maybe. Have you spoken to Mrs Ed about it?  

edinburgher

I speak to Mrs E pretty freely about everything. We haven't really had a chat about a practical way forward tho, because it's difficult to know what might be effective. She is definitely supportive of me addressing my temper, I dont think she's really given much thought to anything beyond that. 

I'm not sure that the GP would be much use to start with. I read a thread on R3ddit about adult assessments for ADHD after @savingholmes comments and in *Edinburgh* (we're Glasgow), the wait is now anecdotally 3-4 years!

I'm also not sure what a diagnosis would achieve beyond exploring different therapies (even if there's a diagnosis to be had)? I've managed pretty well in life so far - married with lovely kids, ok job by most standards, nice house in a safe area). Yup, got some areas of my life and personality that don't work for me but don't feel that "bad" day to day.

Just don't want to become the stereotypical "ogre dad" and would like to like myself a bit more and feel less awkward around other humans.

How does anybody find the right sort of counselling for them? Any ideas @Karmacat - your area I believe?