Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change the way we split household costs because we're having a baby?

confusedgranny

Do you have the same spending habits. Household bills are necessities, not much to argue about there. But each has been used to having your own money buying e.g. the clothes you want without needing to justify it. Will one spend on things for themselves or the baby that the other thinks are unnecessary luxuries. If so it might be worth keeping 3 accounts, yours, mine, and ours. Which doesn't answer the question of how much goes in each account. Do people buy each other Christmas presents out of a joint account?
I was a stay at home Mum and we had a joint account, but it never really felt like 'my' money until I got a part time job. 

spongebob1913

DontBringBertie said:

Wonder how many preachy “you must share ALL money once married” responses we’ll get this week.

You don't have to, however if divorce occurs then it pretty much works out that way anyway. 

ljcrighton

Presumably it’s your baby so what’s the problem. If there is one then she needs to ditch you!!

neilmorgan

If you are committed enough to have a baby then you should be committed enough to combine your finances.
From the day we married whose money it was didn't matter. It was "OURS". 
 

pitry

Before our baby I was earning double than my partner but we always paid 50-50 into a house account which I still manage under a strict budget.
I haven't worked since as we're home educating, my savings have now gone and he earns plenty to cover the house budget and pay for extras, but it's really heart breaking for me to having to ask for money, as I have always been extremely independent. 

So really it depends on your partner. Would she be ok with whatever arrangement you lay on the table? Are you prepared to offer her a 'wage' to cover her expenses without her having to ask?

My other half is really attached to his money and it makes for some awkward conversations, after which he turns into Mr generous. He just can't see the damage he's causing.

Please speak to your partner and ask her what she wants to do. After all she's carrying the baby for both of you.

REJP

I wonder if this couple actually thought of how expensive it is to have a baby?  If they can't work out the finances now I wonder who will be paying for child care if mother goes back to work after her presumably paid maternity leave.   
In my own marriage all our pay went into one pot and we never had this problem of dividing up the income.

sgroom

Not entirely sure how it's a dilemma...you have a baby together.. you share the responsibility with some area contributed to more than one partner than the other. Happens that one contributed more financially  but I think you will find the mother contributes in other important ways

. The one thing I know my wife found important was having  given up full time work was to have her own money . Not me saying take it out of our account...just having money to call her own which she did not have to feel as though she had to ask permission to spend. 

So not 50;50 on bills just 50:50 on being parents

Gervais3232

The child must come first. If your partner will be earning less then of course you need to make up the shortfall. You’re both in this together. A child is not a percentage. Once your partner has returned to work you could then reassess the situation. An alternative is for you both to share the maternity/paternity leave. You will both get the benefit of spending time with the baby early on its life and your partner will be back earning a higher salary much quicker.  A possible win/win. Lifestyle changes will come along many times during a relationship. Talk it through together :-)

OctaviaP

There is no 'should' here. You have to do what works for you. There may be a time further down the line where she wants to work more and you want to work less.

You could also recognise that cash isn't the only measure of value. If she pays less cash into the communal pot, you need to recognise that she is 'paying' with her time with the baby, her attention, her loss of career progress, and that this will go on for several years. Take a holistic view of the whole endeavour, and realise that she will be saving you money by providing childcare while she's on leave, and taking a substantial hit to her career thereafter.

HampshireHound

There is no right or wrong, everyone organises things differently. Really important to talk about what you both think is fair and reasonable. After we talked about things many years ago this is what we did.
My wife and I have had different incomes since before we were married or had kids. We have a joint credit card and all spending goes on that, we are both similar with money. Whether we are going out as a family or one of us is treating ourselves to a nice lunch, or a new phone it is all the family money.
The only separation we have is that our wages are paid into individual accounts and we transfer some money to the joint account to cover what would be a 'normal' months mortgage, bills, and credit card payment.
My wife contributes 1/3 and I contribute 2/3 primarily because I have a generous company pension scheme while she does not so she pays directly into a private pension from her account, in addition we are trying to build up the cash savings under her name as for some reason I have ended up with a disproportionate amount of the family savings.
We treat everything as joint, have been married 8y and together over 20.