Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change the way we split household costs because we're having a baby?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I have always split every cost 50/50 at my request, despite her earning more than me. Now we've a baby on the way, she'll be taking maternity leave and so temporarily earning significantly less. Should we maintain the status quo, or should we now split costs proportionally or even combine our wages fully?

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leanne524

I guess it depends if it will affect the relationship and ability to parent. Money is a stress you can do without when being new parents - they need to communicate to come to an agreement 

Thorssen

I've always earned a lot more than my partner. I've always put everything on joint names and treated all the money as our money. We've never had an argument about money.

My son and his partner have an arrangement like yours. They argue about money quite a lot.

There's a lesson in there somewhere, I think.

borkid

Been together 47 years, we pay all the bills and agree on a savings amount then split equally what is left. There have been times when I haven't been earning but stayed at home raising children this seems to work in all situations. It might be a problem though if one party resented the other not earning for some reason.

Rayche

If both people can be trusted to put the family first, and you love your partner as you do yourself, I don't see what the point is in keeping two pockets, one each.

I get having a pocket for savings, a pocket for living expenses, a pocket for holidays etc., but why would you store money by individual when you are both half of the same whole, with the same goals?

If one of the couple is a gambler, addict, irresponsible then OK that could be a problem. In that case one of you needs to be the gatekeeper on the money. 

mrpunk50

"Hmmm, this is a tough relationship decision. Let's ask strangers on the internet, darling!"

drr2222

If you are planning on being a family after having the baby, I would say sharing your income works much better. Work together as a team, as a family and you will be much stronger as a result. 

DontBringBertie

Wonder how many preachy “you must share ALL money once married” responses we’ll get this week.

spongebob1913

Thorssen said:

I've always earned a lot more than my partner. I've always put everything on joint names and treated all the money as our money. We've never had an argument about money.

My son and his partner have an arrangement like yours. They argue about money quite a lot.

There's a lesson in there somewhere, I think.

The lesson is - everyone is different. I know people that operate in the same fashion as you that argue. It depends on each individual, not the situation, is what I'd say. 

spongebob1913

We were in a similar situation around a year ago in that our finances were split, and we were having a baby. We decided to totally join, so everything goes in one pot and that's it. 18 months down the line it has lead to a few arguments, but would have been more I think if not in lockdown. I'm quite frugal and careful with what I spend despite earning significantly more, however my partner has never been great with money. 

Best thing you can do regardless is put child first. You are an entity now, a family unit. I'd recommend joint everything. 

yksi

You're not flatmates. She's your partner and you're about to become a family! So start acting like one. One family, not housemates each contributing equally. The working and childcare is not going to be equal and can't be compared to each other in pounds and pence, so just stop. It's time to mature and treat this as a joint effort.

Share all your income and agree that essentials come from this. The grocery shopping, the bills, things for the baby, the rent. Then agree on a set amount that you can each spend as you wish without even mentioning it to your partner (maybe £100). That means you can grab Mackies for lunch or spend it on a new bag for your bike. If you both want a takeaway Chinese, that comes out of the joint funds. And if she really wants to buy a backyard spa, that's over the £100 limit so it's something you discuss together first.

Now of course if money is really, really tight (you didn't actually mention this) then you'll need to go into more detail, for instance, that you will only spend X on takeaway each week and only spend Y on groceries and that you'll look for good deals before any baby expenses (just a headsup here, it is easy to go vastly overboard on newborns and most of it is completely unnecessary).