Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 5 - Trying to recover from the pandemic

WinterWarrior

What @foxgloves said. What a lovely post and so very true. I also have the fear of missing out…I’d like the diet option, but worry I will regret not having the chips. I used to be good at dieting, but also after menopause it’s stuck to me like glue and is very disheartening. Be kind to yourself, be proud of yourself for all the wonderful things you do, we should all be our own cheerleaders 🌺

crazy_cat_lady

Thank you for the kind words foxgloves. I know that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to me and my own needs. I would love to see what other people see when they look at me (even if it was just for half an hour or something). I have ordered a second hand book - not a diet book but one about the psychology behind food and eating. It was only £1.20 and I figured I am at least worth that (along with investing the time to actually read it). I am always willing to try and I don't give up.
Haven't had a great day... I had a headache by lunchtime. Think I might have overdone it just getting up and going out this morning, and I'm a little out of practice with my longer walks as well. Paracetamol didn't shift it but managed to move it with ibuprofen (which means migraine) and a 20 minute power nap at 3pm. I have been asked to sign up for a night walk for charity. It's 10km and I should be able to do that so I've said yes. Walking is always easier with purpose and company.
Popped out with dd to visit my mam for lunch - via the hairdressers (dd needed a patch test as she is having her highlights done Wednesday) and Herr Aldee as we needed milk and pasta. Also bought some courgettes and mushrooms that were reduced with the intention of cooking (!) some kind of thing with a reduced joint of gammon I'd picked up on Friday morning and done in the slow cooker. I've basically chopped the veggies and the leftover gammon and cooked it all up in a tomato sauce to serve with pasta. There's a lot of it. And I suspect I will be the only one eating it, but I can freeze it and take it for lunches etc. Bit of a batch cooking thing.
Didn't stay at my mam's for very long - just over an hour. She's not very well - although I've no idea where's she's been or who she's seen to catch a cold as she's barely left the house for 18 months. Stepdad had made lunch, and dd had chosen cookie dough pie to take for dessert. Quick and easy and very tasty. She couldn't be bothered with visitors and I had a headache so we didn't hang on after we'd caught up. She's stressing a lot at the moment too but I'm putting it down to her being poorly and stuck in the house for far too long. 

f0xh0les

Everyone and his dog here is coming down with a cold.  The really nice thing though, is that they are masking up because they are sniffley and don't want to pass it on.  Quite a mindset change culturally innit?  So that is one good thing to come from the last 18 months - wanting to protect others from their germs.

LittleMissDetermined

Came across your diary and remembered being subscribed to one of your previous ones. Here to cheer you on when you need support x 

You really must try to make time for taking care of yourself, it’s become even more of a priority over the past few years.  I’m guilty myself of trying to run around taking care of everything else but eventually you can’t because you’re totally spent. Even a half hour soak in the bath with your new book may give you a lift? 

LMD x

crazy_cat_lady

Hello
Been a busy couple of days. I fell into a bit of a work wormhole and once I get started on that sort of stuff literally nothing else matters at all. I finally got the laptop out and got on with the writing I needed to do and my brain has done very little else for the past 3 days apart from think about that (and stress as always). Good news is that it's almost done. The end is most definitely in sight. I'd like to say that it will all be done tomorrow but that would be a lie because I've arranged to go out for a repeat performance of lunch and gin with a friend so I really won't be doing much else unless I have a really productive morning.
Also, it would have been my wedding anniversary yesterday, and whilst I say it doesn't bother me I definitely notice that I'm in a bit of a bad mood for most of the day - on a shorter fuse than usual. I've managed to get out for a couple of walks to try and clear my head and sleep well but I'm definitely still stressed or anxious because I'm not sleeping well and I'm having the most vivid dreams which my (psychologist) sister assures me are all symptoms of anxiety.
I had an alarm set for 8.29am yesterday morning, which was a little ambitious as I was awake from half past four on and off. But dd needed to speak to a doctor, and they have been repeatedly fobbing her off - telling her she's too late and to ring the next day. So they got the mother, who rang the second the lines opened at 8.30 and still somehow managed to be number 15 in the queue. Seriously - I know that the nhs are stressed, short staffed, underfunded etc - but there has to be a better way. Once I'm back at work next week then I'm not available at half eight to ring anyone - here's hoping I don't need a doctor any time soon. Anyway, I did manage to get her on a list and a doctor rang her back within the hour and told her she needed blood and urine tests urgently. Now I feel bad because I've been fobbing her off for months. She's always complaining about being cold - even when it's 22 degrees in my living room and I have the fan on full blast she will be in layers and under a blanket. This couples a bit with poor appetite and often feeling sick and faint. I actually think that it's all anxiety related. I have bad anxiety, and her dad's anxiety ruined his whole life (and had a go at ruining ours too) so I think she might need to be on a list for some counselling. She tidies when she's stressed or anxious. I thought that this would be a great thing, but it isn't. It gets on my nerves when I think that the house is ok and she's flitting round me, throwing things away and moving stuff about. Anyway - I digress - I got to thinking she might actually be anaemic or have low blood pressure so we should have it checked to be sure.
I rang the docs back, expecting to be fobbed off with the test tube shortage but they offered her an appointment at 8.45 this morning. We were there bright and early - blood tests sent off and urine test is all clear.
Spent the rest of the day yesterday working. I have a serious amount of writing to do and decided I could procrastinate no longer. Once I started though I couldn't focus on anything else. All I was thinking was what to write next and whether I could cope without a nap. Couple of breaks and some excellent progress but ended the day with a headache, and another poor night of sleep last night and quite a lot of things to do today.
NT1 went back to the vet for her post op check up. There's good news and bad news. Good news is that she's recovering really well from the op, and has even gained weight. She's doing lots better than the vet expected and doesn't need to go back unless I'm concerned. Not so good news is that this tumour was the same as the last 2 - mammary cancer. I thought the poor love had no mammary tissue left but apparently that just wouldn't have been possible. Vet is confident that she got good margins and that NT1 will recover as she has done the last 2 times - although she is always going to be prone to getting more of them. Vet also said that even if she was insured then they wouldn't be paying by now as it would almost certainly have been classed as a pre existing condition. So at least I'm not paying insurance and vet fees for her.
Then had to pick dd up from the hairdressers (pleased that she's paying her own £100 highlights now anyway) and collect my nephew (same age as dd and not on holiday with my sister and her hubby) to take the pair of them for their LFT at sixth form so that they can start tomorrow. Both negative. Then to the dry cleaner to collect ds blazer, and the uniform supplier for trousers that have finally arrived. It was after 4pm before I finally sat down properly for the day. I have spent the evening working and I'm confident that the end is in sight and I'll have it all done before I go back into school next week.
I'm just looking at the clock and seeing it's 10.30 and remembering I promised dd I would take her into sixth form tomorrow for an 8.30 start - so I'd better go and try for some sleep. My head is still a bit fuzzy so I hope I can sleep that off.

crazy_cat_lady

Good morning all.
It's grey, it's definitely September and I have a mild hangover but I feel a load better mentally after seeing my friend yesterday. We went for Lebanese food and then into the gin shop that lets you stay and drink their gin so you can choose the best one for you. Came home with an amazing bottle of blackberry gin with the most amazing taste and colour and we put the world to rights.
I'd had another awful night of sleep on Wednesday and had to get dd to sixth form for half eight in the morning. Felt so rough that I almost cancelled my day out but pleased that I didn't. DD stressed all of the way there and worried about making friends. I picked her up at half eleven and asked if she'd enjoyed it. Turned out that she'd been put into a group of 12 in the order she walked through the door and then had to do lots of 'team building exercises' which was her (and my) worst nightmare. So she didn't have the best of days - hoping for a much better day for her today. She got up early doors and went on the bus this morning, and although she's very nervous I'm crossing everything.
I've enjoyed my last relaxing morning for a while - back to work on Monday, and I walk early on a Sunday and have to drive dd to work for 8am tomorrow. Two cups of tea and lots of thinking about getting this writing finished - I'm procrastinating again and I don't like it. I'm so close to done and I'm sitting doing nothing.
I haven't been walking yet either - I'm hoping to get ds out for an hour this afternoon. By then the writing should be done. He has a real shock coming next week when he has to start getting up in the mornings again...
So, now I've written it down I'm accountable so I'm going to get on with it.

apple_muncher

How is your ankle these days?

crazy_cat_lady

It's ok thanks apple. It will do about 12km without too much trouble. It gets stiff but not unmanageable. I just need to do a bit more than I am at the moment in terms of walking.
Why is it that the hardest thing to do is always just starting something?

Honeysucklelou2

Enjoy the last day of the holidays🙂.

Buffythedebtslayer

crazy_cat_lady said:

It's ok thanks apple. It will do about 12km without too much trouble. It gets stiff but not unmanageable. I just need to do a bit more than I am at the moment in terms of walking.
Why is it that the hardest thing to do is always just starting something?

12 KM? 

Bloody hell, you should be absolutely fine with 10,000 steps. I could NOT work 12 KM I would cry and sulk and get stuck in some mud. And moan a lot about my knees. 

Hope you are doing ok XXX