Future Proofing my life: Deposit saving then MFW journey in under 13 years

PennysIntoPounds

Well done on all your work LaPlan, and for being strong enough to get back in the dating game! 
Definite Absolute No to anyone who early on starts chatting sh*t about their ex. Even if the ex was genuinely awful, they are literally just saying that they're not over that relationship, and will b*tch about you if things don't work out. So attractive 🙄

I'm in two minds about the hand thing, it being raised in flirty conversation is one thing, him insisting on it being a thing could be perceived as a bit much. Thank you for your time and effort meeting people and reporting back to regale your mse buddies with your tales 😁

As an aside @Cheery_Daff I am fully picturing you writing your post with inch long blood red nails whilst wearing a long fur (fake obvs) coat, with a half raised eyebrow and a smug smile, while typing 'the present Mr Cheery'

Viking_mfw

I met my OH through online dating and I have to say I'm in favour of the meet right at the start. Also in favour of the coffee date or one drink date with a firm cut off to allow you to leave. OH and I met for "one drink", ended up going out for dinner a couple of hours later and accidentally kissed on parting, and that was it. It is possible to find a frog prince! 

The good thing about meeting early before you've invested a lot of time into online chatting is you find out right away if there's chemistry and don't feel the need to throw good time after bad just because you've been talking for ages. I'm a one date and you know person. Friends have worked (successfully) on the principle that if you like their personality but don't fancy them you need to give it 3 dates to see if that develops.

Anyway, point being, good luck, persevere, think of the vicarious enjoyment you're spreading around the forum!

LadyWithAPlan

skint_spice said:

Your dating tales make me chuckle, I have been toying with the idea of dating again but maybe not…

on the other hand I could be in silverburn in less than an hour with all the lovely haribo!

I think if I could have all my dates at a haribo shop it’d be worth it 
Also lots of my friends have met people online & are now married to them so unfortunately I have at least 6 positive close examples 

@Cheery_Daff lucky you !! (& Mr Cheery) 

tx @dawnybabes  I will get some 

Viking_mfw said:

I met my OH through online dating and I have to say I'm in favour of the meet right at the start. Also in favour of the coffee date or one drink date with a firm cut off to allow you to leave. OH and I met for "one drink", ended up going out for dinner a couple of hours later and accidentally kissed on parting, and that was it. It is possible to find a frog prince! 

The good thing about meeting early before you've invested a lot of time into online chatting is you find out right away if there's chemistry and don't feel the need to throw good time after bad just because you've been talking for ages. I'm a one date and you know person. Friends have worked (successfully) on the principle that if you like their personality but don't fancy them you need to give it 3 dates to see if that develops.

Anyway, point being, good luck, persevere, think of the vicarious enjoyment you're spreading around the forum!

Great advice Tx! I do think the 3 date rule makes sense - I have done it in life as well - it can take people that long to unwind and show themselves - but not when they bang on about their ex! 

@PennysIntoPounds at this point I am only doing more dates for my diary friends … 
yes the hand thing was weird 

I think the ‘check where their head is at ‘ is important 

Cheery_Daff

Ha, don't put yourself through too much misery for our entertainment! 

I agree moaning about exes is a definite red flag. We both have good relationships with ours, and while we understand what ended previous relationships, we can both reflect on our own contribution too, which helps whatever it was to stop happening again. 

I too know a few people who met their partners online, so it can definitely work! I suppose it's whether you have the patience to filter through the dross first 😬

Good luck La Plan! I hope you meet someone wonderful who will treat you as you deserve ❤ Anyone who turns up with a box of Haribo gets extra points 😂

Merlin's_Beard

Viking_mfw said:

I met my OH through online dating and I have to say I'm in favour of the meet right at the start. Also in favour of the coffee date or one drink date with a firm cut off to allow you to leave. OH and I met for "one drink", ended up going out for dinner a couple of hours later and accidentally kissed on parting, and that was it. It is possible to find a frog prince! 

The good thing about meeting early before you've invested a lot of time into online chatting is you find out right away if there's chemistry and don't feel the need to throw good time after bad just because you've been talking for ages. I'm a one date and you know person. Friends have worked (successfully) on the principle that if you like their personality but don't fancy them you need to give it 3 dates to see if that develops.

Anyway, point being, good luck, persevere, think of the vicarious enjoyment you're spreading around the forum!

I think also you know what you like as well - it takes a while for me to get to know a person and know IF I'm going to be attracted to them, but I think the key is noping out at the first no instead of ignoring it. 

I've seen it said that dating is getting to know someone until you decide that you don't like them!

LadyWithAPlan

@Cheery_Daff I may put Haribo lover in my profile  

@Merlin's_Beard  
I like that quote 
there are some definite red flags though I am completely refusing to ignore & banging on about the ex 

tx for all the well wishing & I agree knowing what part you played in a breakup is important as is knowing what you want 

I have just done on canva a vision board with pics (just started paying for the pro version) 
so pics/pinterest images  more than text 
so some Nov 18 2025 then May 3rd 2036 determinations (big dates in the Buddhist calendar ) 

they include 
a charming lovely attentive adoring life partner 
buying my home cash next year - added some lovely surprisingly modern house pics on there 
getting my invoices pays in full - been lots of chat on this & got call this afternoon on this 
getting my side hustle back to flourishing & bringing loads £££££££ in 
health & a harmonious  happy family & friends 
keeping YNAB looking happy and healthy 
keeping lean, fit and strong 

I note my Van SIPP is up £1k in 2 weeks (got about £68k on there ) - need to be adding more in there this tax year but nice to see markets moving my NAV up - SIPPS at over £74k now - higher it is easier for the mortgage I think as well 

I also weighed in today at lowest I have I think since Covid (& perimenopause) 60.2 kg - goal weight is 58kg as can see some visceral fat still (readers may remember after I read ‘ Living Without Diabetes’  being horrified at my organs being strangled by white fat - I need to add more muscle as well - only 5kg off highest weight I hit but those 10lbs do make a difference to how clothes fit & you feel 
I am eating generally super well - beans greens chicken etc so think my body now working well & back to heath and a good balance  

except I had some Aldi sweets and crisps last night and had a sudden weird huge hive reaction ..red blotches and  itchy raised skin all over my stomach thighs behind arms and chest !  I thought something had bitten me all over ! However think it was something in what I ate (as all else was normal) -  I took an allevia tablet  and it calmed down in 40 mins - no clue what happened - maybe blood sugar plus something in the sweets ?!? Or spicy crisps ? It was so weird - am fine  today 

I have a very long to do list for the month of Sept so now I need to prioritise - however dragging my feet a bit - off to see family for a week which will be nice 

LadyWithAPlan

Looking at my Frugalwoods quote in my signature.. don’t buy stuff .., I am seriously considering a gorgeous cap - to help save my hair this winter to recover (by not blow drying it and lots of conditioner /masks ) and this hat looks so good - can wear indoors/outdoors etc and when going out also even for dinner 
(my hair as discussed on wattys blog got trashed this summer - really been breaking off and I think it was the Cornish seaw@@d serum (I used the shampoo and conditioner too) but I have now gone back to lots of leave in conditioner & only occasionally using the shampoo only .. 

I do have one hat I wear a lot .. kinda of a casual cap / but this new one (also like a baseball cap but so elevated) is £180 it’s from a v posh london shop - ( my family are saying  I can have some cash towards it as a bday gift) .. I accidentally tried it on when out at the weekend and it was raining - and random people in the store inc other shoppers and my friend were like you have to have that ! It does look great and would finish off a dress or jeans.. 
 I am a great believer in walking away but now I can’t stop thinking about it .. 
I am also saving up cash for some av equipment - had 3 lots of bday money waiting but the thing I want (record player) is about £540 .. I had bought one for £200 initially but it arrived broken so I sent it back - so I could buy the record player or the hat and save up again for the record player 

So I am currently thinking / I am also considering as per my hairdressers advice getting a wig to stop the hair damage / he has suggested I have a major hair cut and then not blow dry it for 6 months so a wig is necessary - my hair is still growing loads - it’s fine but decent growth - but it’s breaking ..
however I think decent wigs are £1k for the ones that look natural .. so 

beanielou

Buy the cap! 

skint_spice

You have gone away and thought about it so it’s not just an impulse buy…

KajiKita

Buy the cap.  
(And definitely bin the cornish stuff! - I tried it it and got rid after c. 3 weeks as my hair was getting so very dry and 'clingy' and tangled - looking back and reading your experience, I wonder if the surface of the hair shafts was lifting?).

KK