Contesting a Will as Next-of-Kin

Robin9

Families !    My FIL didn't attend his own mothers funeral. My BIL never visited his mum when his dad died.

BooJewels

Robin9 said:

My FIL didn't attend his own mothers funeral. 

You can't always judge from those sort of facts.  I didn't attend my own father's funeral. 

It was at the height of lockdown and for a multitude of reasons, as a family, we agreed it was best not to.

I did however play quite a big part in how it went, but I will spend the rest of my life wishing I'd been able to be there in person.

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I also wonder if the many contributors in this thread have ever spent time with someone at the end of their life.  I just have - my husband died a month ago - my father, as mentioned, a bit earlier.  Over the last few weeks he grew increasingly distant, disinterested in anything other than his own comfort - he asked me to remove his phone from the room about 3 weeks before he passed, then asked me to stop telling him if he'd got texts and didn't want to speak to anyone on the phone etc. He didn't want to watch the news or know any gossip or news from outside the room, even the weather.  

Commenting that the deceased said x, but mysteriously didn't add y doesn't surprise me in the slightest.  My direct experience is that someone at the end of their life develops an entirely different perspective on the world and you can't really apply the criteria of people in decent health and sound mind to the situation.  The fact that his phone was flat means nothing - he perhaps just didn't care about using it any more.

poppystar

BooJewels said:

Robin9 said:

My FIL didn't attend his own mothers funeral. 

You can't always judge from those sort of facts.  I didn't attend my own father's funeral. 

It was at the height of lockdown and for a multitude of reasons, as a family, we agreed it was best not to.

I did however play quite a big part in how it went, but I will spend the rest of my life wishing I'd been able to be there in person.

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I also wonder if the many contributors in this thread have ever spent time with someone at the end of their life.  I just have - my husband died a month ago - my father, as mentioned, a bit earlier.  Over the last few weeks he grew increasingly distant, disinterested in anything other than his own comfort - he asked me to remove his phone from the room about 3 weeks before he passed, then asked me to stop telling him if he'd got texts and didn't want to speak to anyone on the phone etc. He didn't want to watch the news or know any gossip or news from outside the room, even the weather.  

Commenting that the deceased said x, but mysteriously didn't add y doesn't surprise me in the slightest.  My direct experience is that someone at the end of their life develops an entirely different perspective on the world and you can't really apply the criteria of people in decent health and sound mind to the situation.  The fact that his phone was flat means nothing - he perhaps just didn't care about using it any more.

I totally agree with this. My own father had his phone with him for the first week in hospital but contacted only me and when asked he said not to tell anyone - very out of character. 

Also getting any information or contact from the hospital was next to impossible - and that was with me constantly on the case. I was also told things about him being moved to another hospital which he had clearly invented/misunderstood. To be honest I had enough trouble following the ward moves to find where he was - at no point did the hospital attempt to tell me - so could quite understand how a move to a hospice could happen without a relative, NOK or otherwise, knowing. 

In fairness to the hospital some of this was down to the chaos of the past eighteen months and the fact that non Covid wards had far more varied staffing as Covid patients took priority. Also anything coming from outside - even cards or gifts - rarely made it through the stringent anti viral measures. 

A lot of what OP has said is actually quite plausible given a relative in the final stages of life  and the difficulty a lot of close relatives had in keeping contact or being involved.

@BooJewels sorry to hear you have had two losses so close together, that must be so hard especially in these times.

maman

Yes, @BooJewels, it sounds like you've been through a dreadful time and I can understand the situations you've posted about.

I think it's the mercenary tone of OP's posts that cause comments, where everyone sounds entitled and unwilling to do anything for their relative unless they are recompensed. 

JGB1955

Robin9 said:

Families !    My FIL didn't attend his own mothers funeral. My BIL never visited his mum when his dad died.

When my father died in June 2020 I hadn't been able to visit him for the previous 3 months because of Covid restrictions.  It wasn't something that was negotiable at that time.  AIUI things have moved on and families are able to visit relatives at the end of their lives. My brother (living abroad) was unable to come back to the UK for the funeral - in fact he is only now able to return after 20 months... we're living in strange times....

Flugelhorn

thegreenone said:

OP, who witnessed the signing of the new Will, please?  I would be very surprised if hospital staff are permitted to do that and as  far as I am aware, Hospice staff are not allowed to do so either.  Cousin's GP should have visited and made an assessment first.

Also, as someone pointed out earlier, why would your cousin make a hospice a beneficiary when he hadn't even been there?
  
No use to OP now but you can contact a Primary Care Trust to pass on concerns to GPs/hospitals. They are listed on the internet and hopefully you can find a relative that way.  I did this when I was very concerned about my late brother's mental health issues.  They were very helpful.

why would GP be involved in making an assessment before a patient made a will? they don't get involved in mental capacity assessments for that sort of thing - it is down to the lawyers to assure themselves that the person knows what they are doing. 

When someone is approaching end of life the palliative care  team will often mention that they may wish to "tie up any legal matters eg make a will if they haven't already" 

sheramber

So a family/friends who visited daily before covid did not know who his doctor was, did not know who his close friend was. did nothing to find out what hospital he  was in.

Covid or not, if I was close to a relative I would have travelled to find out where he was when contact was stopped. Travelling to support a vulnerable person was allowed.

But they expected to inherit from him.

While I could understand being upset at  that  to close ranks and not be prepared to give him a funeral- a direct cremation is not expensive- does not reflect well on them.  it  implies they were only interested in his money.They could not be very close to him if they are prepared to abandon him.


How did they know what his death bed wishes were, that cost them money?

It couldn't have been from the will as they did that before they knew they would not inherit.


I lived 260 miles from my family. My close friend had my son's details and  he knew who she was and could have contacted her if necessary.

He had a key to my house so could get in , if necessary.

Not all deaths are slow. My husband was in a hospice before he died. He was  quite lucid up to 2 days before he died, despite being dosed up on morphine. He went downhill so quickly even our GP , who visited  him the day before he died, was shocked when he died and told me it was totally unexpected.

Manxman_in_exile

sheramber said:

...


How did they know what his death bed wishes were, that cost them money?

It couldn't have been from the will as they did that before they knew they would not inherit.


...

I'm wondering - and this is pure speculation on my part - whether the friend arranged for the cousin to get a new will drawn up and whether the friend might have paid for that?  As I say, pure speculation, but I find it difficult to think what other final wishes the friend could have paid for which would then cause them to renounce the executorship.

Robin9

Robin9 said:

Families !    My FIL didn't attend his own mothers funeral. My BIL never visited his mum when his dad died.

They could have done - but they chose not to - nothing to do with Covid or living a long way away.

Manxman_in_exile

Thrugelmir said:

74jax said:

Manxman_in_exile said:

Maybe I've missed it in another reply, but what is the correct thing to do (and who does it) when all the executors renounce and nobody else (family or friends) wants to get involved with the estate?  As, for example, in this case where the beneficiaries are all charities and may not even be aware of the death - or even the bequest.

The charities are aware in this instance as they 'coerced' the new Will - apparently - so they will take over.

Unlikely the Charities themselves had any involvement. Without charitable donations hospices and other respite centres wouldn't exist. I can understand why somebody with a terminal illness would feel a gratitude towards such an organisation. While being looked after in there. 

Keep_pedalling said:

74jax said:

Manxman_in_exile said:

Maybe I've missed it in another reply, but what is the correct thing to do (and who does it) when all the executors renounce and nobody else (family or friends) wants to get involved with the estate?  As, for example, in this case where the beneficiaries are all charities and may not even be aware of the death - or even the bequest.

The charities are aware in this instance as they 'coerced' the new Will - apparently - so they will take over.

Usually, the funeral director will ask for a Will, and contact beneficiaries if executors renounce. They won't hold the body forever.  If no assets it becomes a council burial. 

I doubt it very much, even if they were made aware of benign the beneficiaries they  will not be aware that the executors have renounced.

I assumed 74jax was posting tongue in cheek when they said the charities would already be aware.  Of course they would be if they instigated the new will...