The Best View Comes After the Hardest Climb.

beanielou

Buffythedebtslayer said:

beanielou said:

PS  Am seeing Butti next week!!

That is so cool Beanie! XXXX Is she coming to you? 

Yes, think she is coming to Edinburgh & then over the bridge to see me for lunch   xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

beanielou said:

PS  Am seeing Butti next week!!

That is so cool Beanie! XXXX Is she coming to you? 

Yes, think she is coming to Edinburgh & then over the bridge to see me for lunch   xxx

Highly jealous. 

Have a drink for me  

in_need_of_direction

I know laws in NI are slightly different from those in England and Wales but here any over 18 resident in a property has rights to the property.  I’d saw it’d be worth paying for a short solicitor consultation to clarify. 

RosaBernicia

I agree it would be worth a chat with a solicitor.  Scotland has some cohabitation rights, but I'm not sure how they apply to co residents rather than couples.  I don't think England has any protections unless you are married , but a solicitor would be able to clarify both for rights in the case of a sale and relating to inheritance. 

Buffy I am so sorry about all this - you seem to be getting a raw deal from all sides and for a long time.  I appreciate your mum's difficulties, but you are not just renting a room you are making it possible for her to stay in her home and giving up all the freedoms you would have in a rented shared house (which would include keeping common areas clean and usable, and your housemates being polite to you).  It is not fair for your needs - including your mental health and your need to work for your own future security - to be compromised if other support is available, including different meal options and external carers.  I really hope a solution turns up, but I totally agree you need your own safety plan. 

Also if you make it to Edinburgh or over the bridge do shout  

RB xx

badmemory

I believe that anyone living in the house has the right to continue - but only if they are over 60.  The rules may have changed but I remember working out that my savings, should I have to go into a care home, would have to last until I am 95.  I will not be leaving my son homeless come hell or high water.

Buffythedebtslayer

Essentially when Mum wrote her will the solicitor was very clear the family home would go on care fees and mum was fine with it. She doesn't believe it will happen and if I dare to suggest it then I am rude and wishing to put her in a home. My sisters don't care as such as they don't see her bad she is and what she needs. I just must save save save and then save some more. 

An example - mum only puts on make up when she talks to my sisters. She doesn't bother otherwise. Now until the last 4 years I would say genuinely I could count on my fingers how many times in my whole life I had seen her without make up. Now it is everyday. 

I have e mailed them both to explain various things, but since they don't speak to each other it is difficult to get any kind of consensus, also unfortunately mum tells them I worry too much and so they don't really believe me. 

And so I save. 

I am so sleepy. had a lovely time in work planning out my new classroom. Been offered some tutoring, and  am looking forward to work really, even tho it will be crap and hard it is all consuming.  

badmemory

I thought my sister was exaggerating when she said how bad my mother was getting.  Although we both saw her every week it was my sister who took her places as I was still working.  When I started collecting her on Sunday mornings for the day (instead of just dropping in a few times a week) I started to realise what she meant.  I had to dig her out of bed at 11am when she had always been up by 7, she had stopped wearing makeup when previously she wouldn't answer the door without the lot on.  She wasn't ill or in pain just depressed.  This is a woman who told her husband to pull himself together there is no such thing as depression.  They will eventually realise but until then - good luck.  It is hard not to let them drag you down when you have to be so involved.

Remember to take care of yourself first.  After all you can't put someone elses mask on unless you put your own on first.

efes_shareholder

can you buy your muims house from her at the cost of what would be owed to your sisters ?
Its something my mum and I have spoken about but it takes around 12 weeks and i've never been confident time was on our side and didnt want to broach it in conversation until mum did.
In hindsight I wish I had done it months ago as at least I would know that I could full steam ahead with a revamp of the house when things changed.

Maybe suggest to your mum to sell up and buy a retirement property , something more managable.

I completely get your concern as I used to worry what I would do should something happen to mum before all my ducks were in a row , I still worry but I have my housesale behind me which gives me the funds to at least have options.
Like you I was only meant to come home short term and it ended up impossible to leave , even before mum got ill I would get guilt trips everytime she thought I was looking to move out.

Buffythedebtslayer

efes_shareholder said:

can you buy your muims house from her at the cost of what would be owed to your sisters ?
Its something my mum and I have spoken about but it takes around 12 weeks and i've never been confident time was on our side and didnt want to broach it in conversation until mum did.
In hindsight I wish I had done it months ago as at least I would know that I could full steam ahead with a revamp of the house when things changed.

Maybe suggest to your mum to sell up and buy a retirement property , something more managable.

I completely get your concern as I used to worry what I would do should something happen to mum before all my ducks were in a row , I still worry but I have my housesale behind me which gives me the funds to at least have options.
Like you I was only meant to come home short term and it ended up impossible to leave , even before mum got ill I would get guilt trips everytime she thought I was looking to move out.

Mum won't sell the house to, she thinks if she did I would chuck her out. She has a friend who sold her house to her children and the evil so and sos put her in assisted living. Admittedly it was far away from her old house but she was going blind and living alone in a three storey house and had fallen I think. 

I wish I had left. I wish that so hard. I know I shouldn't look back with regrets but I do! Especially this summer. 

[Deleted User]

Oh buffy, such a difficult situation and I'm not sure what my advice would be as it is obviously an emotional situation so will just send love and say try to care for yourself when you can