Money Moral Dilemma: Do I give a gift when it's a 'pretend' wedding?

pixiebel81

I don't understand why people are assuming there'll be a second wedding, and therefore a second present needed, once the divorce is finalized? If they're lying now they're not likely to come clean at a later date, otherwise what would be the point of lying now?

McKneff

Who told you that the divorce was not finalised and how do the know. 

Mojisola

MSE_Laura_F said:

I'm going to a family 'wedding' that has been years in the planning while the groom waited for his divorce to go through from his previous marriage. The couple have told the family he's now divorced and the wedding is going ahead, and they've asked for money as a wedding present. But I've found out that the divorce isn't through yet, so it won't be an official ceremony in law and is probably little more than a party in reality.

If the divorce isn't finalised but the couple intend to get married as soon as possible, the 'wedding' is still a celebration.  It's extremely unlikely that they will expect anyone to give them another present when they do the legal bit.

Some people get married abroad and then have a party to celebrate with people at home - would that be considered to be 'just a party' and not take a present?

Somerset_Superstar

Hey Everyone, thanks for all your comments. The post was real. It looked like a wedding, the bride even wore a big white dress and was fashionably late! There was no registrar. The divorce finally happened two days before the 'wedding' so not enough time to have their banns read!? I gave them a small gift but was reluctant to give money, especiallywhen they'llonly waste it, I can'teven afford to waste money myself so can't justify giving it away for someone else to waste.
Lots of people there did think it was the real deal, so I do feel had for them. 
When the couple do eventually get married for real, there won't be a celebration, so nobody will be able to see their first dance as a married couple etc. I do feel that the bride may regret this, she'd wanted her big white wedding for six years, but now she won't get to show off her husband the way that she wanted. I'm guessing this is why people usually get married first and have the reception after, and not the other way round! 

74jax

Somerset_Superstar said:

Hey Everyone, thanks for all your comments. The post was real. It looked like a wedding, the bride even wore a big white dress and was fashionably late! There was no registrar. The divorce finally happened two days before the 'wedding' so not enough time to have their banns read!? I gave them a small gift but was reluctant to give money, especiallywhen they'llonly waste it, I can'teven afford to waste money myself so can't justify giving it away for someone else to waste.
Lots of people there did think it was the real deal, so I do feel had for them. 
When the couple do eventually get married for real, there won't be a celebration, so nobody will be able to see their first dance as a married couple etc. I do feel that the bride may regret this, she'd wanted her big white wedding for six years, but now she won't get to show off her husband the way that she wanted. I'm guessing this is why people usually get married first and have the reception after, and not the other way round! 

They could have had the first dance that night and so it wouldn't matter, but I guess for some reason chose not too. That said so many people during covid didn't get a dance anyway so it's not unusual.

Hopefully they will see this celebration as their wedding and hold no regrets, I can see why they went ahead especially with covid restrictions.

My guess is it was all booked and paid for and divorce finalised later than hoped for whatever reasons. Nothing that could be helped but just a delay.

They did the best they could with the situ.

I've been to a reception before the wedding, they wanted the wedding abroad so had the party first (rather than when back).  I actually thought they were married first and it was only fitting the night when I asked to see her ring she said it was the other way round 🙈

*max*

I would give a present on the basis of being invited to a celebration. Any consideration of the legality/genuineness of it and the circumstances behind it are absolutely none of my business. 

Malthusian

Somerset_Superstar said:

I gave them a small gift but was reluctant to give money, especiallywhen they'llonly waste it, I can'teven afford to waste money myself so can't justify giving it away for someone else to waste.

And another Money Moral Dilemma is happily resolved. The MoneySaver wanted to give a small gift and they have given a small gift.

Lots of people there did think it was the real deal, so I do feel had for them.

If you told them that they weren't legally married at the party I doubt any of them will care tuppence. Most of them knew that they weren't observing the legal bit (anyone who has been to a wedding or seen one on TV knows you need a registrar, and it is common to be invited to the reception but not the wedding) and whether the legal bit happened before or after the party makes no real difference.

The only way it would make a difference is if something horrible happened to one of them before they completed the paperwork and being unmarried somehow affected their tax / inheritance position, which hopefully is almost certainly irrelevant.

First dances are part of the ceremony and not the legal process, if the bride and groom and the guests thought it meant something then it did.