How can I help my son?

TBagpuss

I understand why you are worried, and it's difficult as your son will need to make the decision for himself to start making changes, and that's always hard, and harder still if he is depressed.

I'd encourage him to start very gradually - even little changes can slowly build.

If he wants to lose weight / get fitter, encourage him to do that. His GP might be able to prescribe / refer to a suitable local group / discounted membership of a gym / subsidised fitbit etc. 
If he was willing to go, then weightwatchers or slimming world might be useful as a starting point - he might feel less shy around others ho were also trying to lose weight or had been in a similar position. If he doesn't want that, you could suggest he gets a fitbit which would let him track his exercise and eating habits, and set small goals to work towards to gradually increase his level of activity, and to start to lose weight.

If her wants to try to widen his social circle, then MeetUp can be good, he could also look into evening classes - there are plenty which are hobby-based rather than academic, and they can be a way to meet people with similar interests - he could also consider whether there are any vocational courses which might help him to improve his chances for a job he would be happier in, and he might well find that teaching methods , and level of support and encouragement available, are different (hopefully better ) than when he was at school.

Voluntary work might be another way to meet people and widen his social circle, and again, perhaps gain some skills he could use elsewhere - for instance, the National Trust has, I believe, people who volunteer to help in their gardens and outdoor spaces, as well as being guides / keeping an eye on specific rooms, which might let him be more flexible with timings. Or if there are canals or heritage railways or community gardens local to you, they probably also all need volunteers.

There are dating sites for plus sized people so if he is not prejudiced about dating someone who is also  larger, he might be able to consider a specialist site (also, if he does date online, use a current and accurate photo - better to have people swipe past straight away than be misled and have to reject in person - whether it 's about weight, or age, or any other characteristic)

pjcox2005

Maybe it is time you do say that things are worrying you, not the whole lot but the weight and eating/drinking challenges. 

See if with your encouragement he'll work with you or personal trainer to lose some weight. Could be small target set but perhaps hitting it will encourage him to further things. Perhaps just ask him to stick it out for 6 weeks and see how he feels then.

For some you can wait for personal motivation but sometimes people need a push and for those that care to be frank.

Weight isn't everything but a sense of accomplishment and more energy could be impactful. I'd probably also suggest he takes time off work as a normal holiday, two weeks as a change of scenery somewhere whether with you or on his own to just change any bad parts of routine from lockdown life - most have had a negative creep in.

[Deleted User]

My nan was similar, single after my grandad left her for a younger woman and it knocked her confidence and she retreated back into herself.
The best thing was 'pretending' that I needed help to get her out of the house.
You could possibly say that you wanted to exercise more but won't do it without a buddy and see if he'll join you?
Like others have said, exercise does wonders for self-esteem and boosting endorphins. 
Online dating is so tricky because it rarely works out. Took me a good 5 years to meet someone on there that I actually connected with. It's not the quick fix they try and sell us. 

TripleH

Op, your son sounds a little like what a friend of mine 'was' like.

His life changed around when he moved into his own place (and away from living at home). He then met his wife of 4 years at weightwatchers.

Yes, he is still overweight and I feel he is not living to his full potential BUT he is happy within himself now which is what matters.

I myself when younger hit a rut, I moved overseas, when I came back I started a new life, moved to a new area. Again that is not something everyone should try, maybe however making 1 big change could spark a new life?

For the friends bit, most of the people I have associated with over the last 18 months have been of a wide age range. In fact during lock down, we formed a support network with ages between 24 and 62 all looking out for each other (we lived in the same building having all met and moved in about 4 months prior