have you ever asked your family for money?

Keep_pedalling

GeordieGeorge said:

Pollycat said:

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

Indeed.

And in any family there can be occasions where someone needs money for something unexpected.

We did loan my Mum and Dad money when they were offered a ground floor council flat (as a result of my Dad's health issues) and needed to redecorate it and have new carpets etc.

My Mum and Dad were certainly not 'careless' with money.

They paid us back in full when they sold their house which was put on the market as soon as they accepted the flat.

They didn't ask for help - we offered as we wanted them to have a new start in a property that suited them much better than their old terrace.

I would have been horrified if they had tried to get a loan from the bank.

I'm glad I offered before they either went down the loan route or asked us.

It would have taken them a lot to ask for financial help.

They were proud people, not careless.

I can’t agree with you there.

Luckily the rest of us are not related to you.

maman

GeordieGeorge said

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

Since when does education guarantee freedom from money worries ? My DD (who I'm immensely proud of BTW) has a First Class degree and has managed to buy her own home but I'd still prefer her to ask me if she needed money. It's unlikely, as I also made sure she had financial education, from an early age but she's far from wealthy as she chooses to work in education. I'm sure if she was a nurse or a care worker she'd be even poorer. ☹️

JGB1955

Going back to the original question ...Yes, we did... and my FIL refused to let us pay it back (probably something like £300 in the 1970's).  The next time we asked (probably for a car) he asked for , and received the whole repayment... a good lesson.... we were hoping he would ignore the loan,,,,, but he didn;'t!

TBagpuss

GeordieGeorge said:

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

I ’m saying that if you need (as opposed to want) to borrow money when you know that you aren’t regarded as a suitable borrower then yes, it suggests some lack of care has been involved.

If someone has enough spare money to repay a loan then they should have used it to build up savings. If they don’t then they can’t afford a loan so won’t be offered one.

Sadly all too many people choose to spend every penny they earn and are then forced to go to their family when inevitably they find themselves penniless and needing money.

My family would lend me money without question if I asked. I’d prefer to go cold and hungry rather than ever asking for it.

You are very lucky that you've never been in a position where you might need to ask.

Education is great, but it doesn't protect you from the risks of things like illness or divorce or redundancy. 
It's dangerous to assume that someone who needs to borrow has been careless. Of course, they may have been careless, and if they have chosen to spend disposable income rather than saving it's perfectly legitimate to decide that you won't lend to that particular person, but there are lots of situations where someone might be in need without having been careless or spendthrift. 

And the less well off someone is, the more likely they are to be in that position, because rebuilding savings takes longer if you are worse off.

For instance, suppose that a careful, prudent person has been putting savings away. They then get made redundant because their employer goes bust, and can't find a new job immediately so they have to use their savings and redundancy payment to pay day to day bills etc. Then their boiler breaks down and needs replacing. They are not currently working so can't get a bank loan. If they were your parent or child, and you could afford to help, would be telling them it was their own carelessness for having their boiler break at the same time as their employer going bust?

OF course there are circumstances where it is totally reasonable to say no to someone who wants you to lend them money, even if they are a member of your family, but that's very different from assuming that anyone who needs or asks is irresponsible or careless.

Look at it the other way round. If someone you loved was in genuine need and you could help, would you really want them to go cold and hungry rather than ask for help? 

Morglin

Yes, we do cheerfully lend our children and grandchildren money.  We also give them money. Luckily, due to a couple of large inheritances I received, we paid off the mortgages for both the kids, so they are pretty comfortable anyway.  When a grandson wanted to buy his first car, we lent it to him without being asked - no point in him paying interest.  He’s paid it all back.

That’s  what families should be there for - to support each other.

MovingSiren

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So do we. In the whole of my extended family, all the adults above 22 have at least a degree and all have jobs. I myself have several qualifications up to PhD level. It's nothing to do with carelessness. Life happens and when it does happen, we'll be there to support them back up!
Even if it's due to carelessness, again, life happens. People make wrong choices sometimes and a helping hand will enable the sort themselves out. Of course ongoing wrong choices will not be supported. 

Ganga

I keep telling my wife who lends money to ex D-I-L  not to expect it back ,money lent to friends and family should be treated as a gift  that way IF it gets paid back it is a bonus.
Also we have been in the same boat ,had to ask the mother in law for a small loan ,no problem but she worked out the repayments per month before she lent us the money ,thats life and i have had a laugh reading all these posts about the posters who are too proud to ask for help ,if you cannot help your family who can you help.

tooldle

I wouldn’t. I’ve seen sibling fleece my parents over and over through the years. The final loan he had from them was for £1k to be paid back at £30 per month by standing order. Around £600 had been repaid when dad died. Sibling went to his bank the very next day and cancelled the standing order. Mum is still with us.
The cheeky whotsit then moved flats and expected me to be his guarantor. He didn’t even ask, the form arrived in the post. 
In one of the last covos i had with my dad, he asked me to be very careful with mum’s money as in dad’s opinion, mum would allow sibling to bleed her dry.
It only takes one bad egg in any family.

Samac

Definitely ask your family first before anyone else, give them an idea of how much you can pay each month and time frame and stick to it. Dont be changing the rules as and when it suits you to not pay because of a social event, get it paid back first.
Because your not getting a loan doesnt mean you cant afford to pay it back as another forumite mentioned, its common sense to ask family first as usually they wont charge interest (although my father charged me 6% interest when I borrowed years ago but had no choice at the time to agree) we dont speak now. Anyway ask your family if they have it they will be more than happy to help as I was a few weeks ago when I was asked, good luck.