have you ever asked your family for money?

Keep_pedalling

AntoMac said:

An interesting question. All families are different so there’s not really a right answer.
My Mum would always lend me money without hesitation but I’ve never taken her up on it, as she would be reluctant for me to pay her back! Says she wants me to have it while she’s alive but just doesn’t sit right with me.
She did lend to my niece for her to buy a car. She let my niece off the last few payments, which is the exact reason I wouldn’t borrow from her.
I have a mate who got into a right financial mess a few years ago. Now he regularly bails his own family out with short term loans, but always gets repaid in full.

Like your mother, we want to see the wealth we have built up over our working life put to good use while we am still around to see it. Thanks to a substantial inheritance we have a lot more money than we are going to need, so it has given us great pleasure to help our children get on the property ladder, and to help both our daughter and DIL to be full time mums while their children are little. All the money we have gifted would be subject to IHT so it makes good financial sense to do this.

If your mother can afford to make financial gifts why take that pleasure away from her?

TBagpuss

hello007007 said:

Hello all,

I'm from a family were everyone is proud and no one asks for financial help. Everyone uses their own money and money is not talked about. Since my first job, I have been financial independent - I'm now in my late 30s.

I need to borrow some money but I don't know how to ask? I feel shy almost embarrassed.

How do people ask for money from their family or friends?

I think that it does depend very much on your relationship with them.

I have done it - I had a situation where I needed money in relation to  the business I part own - it was intended to be a short term this as we (my business partner and I) were selling a building but the sale was taking longer to process than anticipated.

I asked my parents and they agreed to lend me the money. As things turned out, I wasn't able to pay the money back as I'd anticipated so at that point I took out a bank loan to repay my parents - I expect that they would have been willing to lend me the money over a longer period of time if I'd asked but I didn't feel comfortable doing so.

In terms of how, I just explained the situation - how much I needed, why, when/ how I expected t be able to repay and made clear that it was OK to say no, that I would go to the bank if they were not willing / able to help out. 

I think it helps that I have a good relationship with them and they are very good about not interfering, so I wasn't worried about them using it against me that I'd asked. I don't know all the details of their financial circumstances but knew/know enough to feel confident that they would be able to help without it causing them financial problems, and also I know them and out relationship is such that I was confident that they wouldn't feel compelled to help if it would have caused them any difficulties. 

I was aware that they had helped at least one of my siblings with a loan in the past, which made me feel a bit better about asking.

I think that things to ask yourself before you ask are:
- will it cause problems in our relationship if I ask or if they refuse?
- are they likely to change how they behave to me if I make this request  or if they do give me a loan
- Is there a risk I won't be able to pay them back,(or wont be able to pay them back as quickly as planned)? 
- Is there a risk that they would be in difficulties themselves if they help me? 

And then if you decide to go ahead, be as honest as you can about why you are asking (and in particular, about whether and how you will be able to repay them - I think you are much less likely to end up harming the relationship if you are up front , even if that means that they offer you a gift or decline to help at all, where as accepting a loan and then not paying it back is something which is almost certain to cause issues

[Deleted User]

Would never ask friends, as would only ask immediate blood. 
Would have to be desperate and I think best I come straight out with it.
No lying either about what and why.

I'm lucky though and think it comes down to who your born to and your status.
My parents used my childhood home to go toward my home now so I won't be dealing with it when they are gone, on other hand, I know other people who have actually employed their parents in their business. It took me a good few weeks to find out the lady in the office was serving the director (her son) lunch when I was thinking it was some rather strange duty of the job!

I do wonder if my parents would have been different if I was married or it was along the way of barely seeing etc.

MovingSiren

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

GeordieGeorge

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

Keep_pedalling

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

Pollycat

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

Indeed.

And in any family there can be occasions where someone needs money for something unexpected.

We did loan my Mum and Dad money when they were offered a ground floor council flat (as a result of my Dad's health issues) and needed to redecorate it and have new carpets etc.

My Mum and Dad were certainly not 'careless' with money.

They paid us back in full when they sold their house which was put on the market as soon as they accepted the flat.

They didn't ask for help - we offered as we wanted them to have a new start in a property that suited them much better than their old terrace.

I would have been horrified if they had tried to get a loan from the bank.

I'm glad I offered before they either went down the loan route or asked us.

It would have taken them a lot to ask for financial help.

They were proud people, not careless.

GeordieGeorge

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

I ou’m saying that if you need (as opposed to want) to borrow money when you know that you aren’t regarded as a suitable borrower then yes, it suggests some lack of care has been involved.

If someone has enough spare money to repay a loan then they should have used it to build up savings. If they don’t then they can’t afford a loan so won’t be offered one.

Sadly all too many people choose to spend every penny they earn and are then forced to go to their family when inevitably they find themselves penniless and needing money.

My family would lend me money without question if I asked. I’d prefer to go cold and hungry rather than ever asking for it.

GeordieGeorge

Pollycat said:

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

Indeed.

And in any family there can be occasions where someone needs money for something unexpected.

We did loan my Mum and Dad money when they were offered a ground floor council flat (as a result of my Dad's health issues) and needed to redecorate it and have new carpets etc.

My Mum and Dad were certainly not 'careless' with money.

They paid us back in full when they sold their house which was put on the market as soon as they accepted the flat.

They didn't ask for help - we offered as we wanted them to have a new start in a property that suited them much better than their old terrace.

I would have been horrified if they had tried to get a loan from the bank.

I'm glad I offered before they either went down the loan route or asked us.

It would have taken them a lot to ask for financial help.

They were proud people, not careless.

I can’t agree with you there.

Pollycat

GeordieGeorge said:

Pollycat said:

Keep_pedalling said:

GeordieGeorge said:

MovingSiren said:

I would hate to think that my children or siblings would need money and not be able to ask me. But then I come from a very collectivist culture and family. I have also loaned friends money and they all paid back and vice versa. 
Don't drop any hints - just ask but be prepared to be told no if that's not how your family rolls.

I would hate to think that they’d been so careless as to need to borrow money and not have credit available from a bank.

I come from a culture that prides education and so no-one in my family has ever needed to ask.

So you are saying everyone banks won’t lent too are simply careless? The poorest in society always have to pay a lot more to borrow money than the richest, so are usually far better off borrowing from family if possible.

Indeed.

And in any family there can be occasions where someone needs money for something unexpected.

We did loan my Mum and Dad money when they were offered a ground floor council flat (as a result of my Dad's health issues) and needed to redecorate it and have new carpets etc.

My Mum and Dad were certainly not 'careless' with money.

They paid us back in full when they sold their house which was put on the market as soon as they accepted the flat.

They didn't ask for help - we offered as we wanted them to have a new start in a property that suited them much better than their old terrace.

I would have been horrified if they had tried to get a loan from the bank.

I'm glad I offered before they either went down the loan route or asked us.

It would have taken them a lot to ask for financial help.

They were proud people, not careless.

I can’t agree with you there.

Everything after my first 2 sentences is specifically about my family.
You don't know my family so are not in a position to offer an unbiased, honest opinion on them specifically.
If you disagree with anything in my first 2 sentences, then that's up for debate.