have you ever asked your family for money?

hello007007

Hello all,

I'm from a family were everyone is proud and no one asks for financial help. Everyone uses their own money and money is not talked about. Since my first job, I have been financial independent - I'm now in my late 30s.

I need to borrow some money but I don't know how to ask? I feel shy almost embarrassed.

How do people ask for money from their family or friends?

hello007007

Post on behalf of someone.

OldMusicGuy

Never asked and never would. Lending money to/from family/friends is a potential recipe for disaster, just scan through some of the threads on this board. 

My logic is that if I can't afford to get a legitimate loan then I can't afford to borrow from family or friends.  

naedanger

I am also of the opinion you should ask family or friends for a loan.

But if you are in financial difficulty you should try to speak to the person you most trust to give you good advice or support and talk through your situation with them. 

comeandgo

Have never asked and never would.  A loan is a business transaction, never to be mixed with friends or family.

maisie_cat

I've never borrowed from family, I have loaned money to a family member and not seen it again though.

oystercatcher

Once we needed a small loan for some work on the house. My mother insisted that rather than pay loads of interest to the bank (1990's when interest rates were 10% or more) we borrow from my parents, so we did. In the ensuing months as we paid it back I was criticised for simple things like giving the children chocolate biscuits as " we would have been able to pay the money back faster" . I would never ever borrow from friends or family again. I would be reluctant to lend to them too but it would depend on circumstances.  

OP I would suggest a discussion with family about what you need and why and see if they offer to help. If they don't offer without you directly asking then I wouldn't bother. There has to be another way.

maman

Obviously I don't know about your relationship with your parents but I've always told my children they should ask me if ever they need money. One DD did ask once and we willingly gifted her (£2K) as she was between jobs. I have my views on how she got into that situation (foolishly IMO giving up one job before finding another) but I've never said anything to her about it. I'd much sooner help out than they got into debt. It's only ever happened the once.

It could be cheaper to borrow from parents but if you've always been independent, why are you not using an interest free card or other commercial method of borrowing? What's different now? If you can answer that it may help you think how to ask your family. 

Pollycat

Borrowing money from and lending money to family members can lead to long-term divisions in families.

I was asked - very casually - to be a guarantor for a mortgage by a close family member.

They did not take it well when I refused. Some family members thought I should have said 'yes'.

It's many years ago but left a rift that never really healed.

I've never had to ask family members to lend me money so I can't advise on how to approach the subject

Only you know your own family and how they will react.

And I guess it might depend on how much you want to borrow, what you are going to do with the money and what plans you have to pay it back.

Grumpy_chap

hello007007 said:

Hello all,

I'm from a family were everyone is proud and no one asks for financial help. Everyone uses their own money and money is not talked about. Since my first job, I have been financial independent - I'm now in my late 30s.

I need to borrow some money but I don't know how to ask? I feel shy almost embarrassed.

How do people ask for money from their family or friends?

This big thing the OP has not shared here is why they need the money and why they can't use regular finance?

If I was the one being requested to make the loan / gift, then "why" would be a big part of my decision:

• If it was for a new car, I'd probably suggest there are ways they can get by without
• If it was for a medical need, then I would be certain to help
• If it was for training to allow the requestor to make a big improvement in their future, then that'd be in a middle ground.

Just three examples of how the "why" would impact the willingness.

ZeroSum

Only done it once when I bought my 1st house, parents loaned me a relatively small sum to get some repairs done.

I didn't really ask, they offered as it was an emergency & knew I'm good at money management anyway.