Divorce, slowly

Siebrie

Husband and I have done the math, and at the moment, cannot afford to separate We will continue to live in the same house until Christmas, at least. There are a few expenses coming up we need the money for:

- house and mortgage insurance for me and him (€1.000 total, payable end of September);

- electric bicycle for me (€1,200 - €180 (spending voucher/government financial covid lockdown recovery incentive) - €500 eco vouchers = €520 payable out of pocket. I get €940 biking-to-work premium annually, even during lockdown, so the bike is a profit maker);

- filling up our private pension plans for this year, €350 total.

- new-to-her bicycle for dd2 €75

- annual bus pass for dd1 €215 (she changed secondary schools and now has a bus commute instead of cycling to school)

We are still working on a plan to separate and eventually divorce, but we get along, we talk a lot; he seems more involved in our homelife, with his daughters; we do a running app as a family almost every night, he suggested a weekend in Paris (3hr car drive) for our family. We are respectful to eachother at the moment. From some comments he made, I think he's hitting some sort of midlife crisis (a 'there's more out there' sentiment).

london21

Wish you all the very best.
Good you had the difficult communication with your ex husband.
Depending on the west africa country he is from, the legal system overseas aren't always the best for example Nigeria's legal system I do not trust.
prioritize yourself and your daughters.
Sending you hugs and ease.

Siebrie

@london21 I have complete faith in his country's legal system being completely corrupt.... He would be able to obtain birth certificates and passports for our dds within a month, without even sending in passport photos or other official docs. That's why I'm still aiming for 100% custody, with him having visiting rights; just to put as large a barrier as possible before him absonding with dds. Right now, he wouldn't (he loves them, and told me I was a good mother), but he is pushing for a family vacation to West Africa, preferably his homecountry. I agree on taking dds to West Africa (but will wait until after the divorce), to have a smell/sight/feel of that type of country, but am pushing to a different country, one with more interesting things for European tourists, where dds and I are safe to walk through a city for sightseeing.

Dds don't have much knowledge about that side of their background, as husband never really took it upon himself to teach them, or understood which differences he could teach them about, but people expect them to know just based on their looks; it will be better for them to have seen what other people refer to. What dds know about his background is what I have taught them through library books, travel guides, dinner table stories I started, and films/documentaries.

london21

Siebrie said:

@london21 I have complete faith in his is country's legal system being completely corrupt.... He would be able to obtain birth certificates and passports for our dds within a month, without even sending in passport photos or other official docs. That's why I'm still aiming for 100% custody, with him having visiting rights; just to put as large a barrier as possible before him absonding with dds. Right now, he wouldn't (he loves them, and told me I was a good mother), but he is pushing for a family vacation to West Africa, preferably his homecountry. I agree on taking dds to West Africa (but will wait until after the divorce), to have a smell/sight/feel of that type of country, but am pushing to a different country, one with more interesting things for European tourists, where dds and I are safe to walk through a city for sightseeing.

Dds don't have much knowledge about that side of their background, as husband never really took it upon himself to teach them, or understood which differences he could teach them about, but people expect them to know just based on their looks; it will be better for them to have seen what other people refer to. What dds know about his background is what I have taught them through library books, travel guides, dinner table stories I started, and films/documentaries.

I understand your concerns. My home country Nigeria is not the safest at present. But if I was to visit will be the island like Lekki, Ikoyi etc no where remote.

if your daughters are to visit just ensure you are with them always.

YouTube also good with information on culture etc to explore a little before visiting west Africa. 

You are doing the best you can. 

Siebrie

So... I have contacted the Architect again, and have discussed having a cheaper renovation. They have the option of 'making the house ready for sale', which is basic renovations, bringing things up to code, etc., without installing a kitchen, laying laminate flooring, etc. The original Architect has left the company, but her Trainee is still there, and a new Architect will take on our renovation. We need to lower the costs, so whichever partner is staying in the house, will be able to afford it on 1 income.

The 'neighbours' (3 sons of our deceased neighbour) have apparently decided they would possibly be willing to sell our common wall to us; we heard this through the grapevine, so will need to investigate and try to put in an offer. The house will sell better if we can proof the wall is ours!

I may have to amend the title to 'divorce, VERY slowly'.