Friend owes me thousands

Sea_Shell

He sounds like he's all talk!!

Unless you really fear physical violence or property damage, the police will likely take no notice of "words".

There's an old phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me".

Dangle him on a hook until March if you want, but don't be surprised if by May you're still waiting, whilst he taps you up for another £500!!

sim2335

Brenster said:

Ok you have had all the advise anyone can give.
Seems like quite an immature relationship you have based on the info you have given ? from what i can tell you are worried about him disrupting things between you and your crush (girlfriend, or girl you like) ? Before you give him your final demand....pay me or i will ask your wife for the money, explain to this girl the situation, so she knows exactly what he is doing when he spreads any rumours.
But this 'friend' needs to be cut loose, i wouldnt waste anymore energy on him.
Finally, you need to start looking after yourself, your money is your own, not your friends, not your brothers, although your brother is paying you back, he asked you for money in the first place.  I think you need to be a bit firmer as i sense you may be seen by others as an easy target.
I wish you the best of luck.

The thing with my crush was ruined by taking rubbish advice from other friends.

he saved it, by telling me exactly what to do and say...it went from her totally ignoring me (after bad advice)not even saying hi, to her chatting to me about work but still, because of him.

EimearF

Have you seen a therapist? There seems to be underlying issues as to why you are continuing to allow this person to use you and the things you think he will say about you. See your GP about referral to get some MH support.

He wont go to jail over any of this, blocking his number is a much better idea than attempting to drag the police into this. Definitely do not threaten him with the police. You either go to them and discuss it or you dont but dont forewarn him of anything you plan to do not police, not his wife, not anything. Forewarned is forearmed so dont give him that. 

Sea_Shell

sim2335 said:

Brenster said:

Ok you have had all the advise anyone can give.
Seems like quite an immature relationship you have based on the info you have given ? from what i can tell you are worried about him disrupting things between you and your crush (girlfriend, or girl you like) ? Before you give him your final demand....pay me or i will ask your wife for the money, explain to this girl the situation, so she knows exactly what he is doing when he spreads any rumours.
But this 'friend' needs to be cut loose, i wouldnt waste anymore energy on him.
Finally, you need to start looking after yourself, your money is your own, not your friends, not your brothers, although your brother is paying you back, he asked you for money in the first place.  I think you need to be a bit firmer as i sense you may be seen by others as an easy target.
I wish you the best of luck.

The thing with my crush was ruined by taking rubbish advice from other friends.

he saved it, by telling me exactly what to do and say...it went from her totally ignoring me (after bad advice)not even saying hi, to her chatting to me about work but still, because of him.

It sounds like your "crush" is a one sided thing.   Be careful.  She may not be into you at all, just being friendly, talking about work etc.

Have you had any previous, serious long term relationships?

sim2335

What’s MH? I’ve seen a cbt through before about other issues, they’d isn’t help because I could not practice..
Also theorist only work 9-5 when I work so it’s will end difficult.
block and police.
Not gona mention anything he knows my two biggest things atm are money and my crush so he used them too to get money..
if I mention anything he will use it against me.

once he’s cut off any convo not interested

block block ignore  
he won’t go to jail, but if he keeps harrsing me after March, I can get restraint order..or if he starts spreading false rumours.

it would be embrassing to tell his wife cos she thinks we good mates, she’s always nice to me and cooks for me etc 

yes my crush is not interested in me. Never had a girlfriend.

EimearF

MH is mental health. Why coudlnt you practice the CBT? My CBT therapist did weekends, maybe you just need to see someone else. You are clearly not in a good place with how you view yourself. You saw giving him money as 'goodness of your heart', you need to find a therapist you can trust and help build up your self esteem. 

Why are you so afraid he will spread false rumours? Has he done this before to you or someone else?  I dont know many adults who spread rumours about people, or adults who listen to those things. If someone came to me out of the blue telling me a scandalous story about someone I would wonder why on earth this person was doing this. Like if he messaged your 'crush' they would wonder why on earth this random person was contacting them! 

Brenster

it would be embrassing to tell his wife cos she thinks we good mates, she’s always nice to me and cooks for me etc 

No embarrasment from your side, the only embarrasment is for him.  You have been a good person lending money in good faith, he has done the bad thing.  

sim2335

No one in my city does weekends I checked with MH...o got around it last time by changing my work shift with doctors note they won’t let me do that again.

I’m worried about rumours, cos sometimes when he’s angry he says stuff like if you say about me I will say about you too.

He wouldn’t like that he would just talk normally then he would slip it into convo.

The good faith thing I just said to guilt trip him handed me it back, the reason I won’t is because of harrsment and I belived his lies about paying back or paying back more and helping me which he did help.

sim2335

Just because he almost ruin my life doesn’t mean I want to ruin his I just want my money back, and if that’s not possible him to leave me alone.

EimearF

Employers are much more supportive about MH than they used to be, it may be worth speaking to your boss about it. 

If its not true why does it matter what he says? Why do you think anyone will believe what he says or care about it? 

When you say harassment what do you mean? From this thread it appears he beggs for money, gets rude about it and then you go back to pally and go round to his house? Have you asked him not to contact you and he persists?