Can I use pension to pay off debts?

sammyjammy

I know that we do tend to say to people its best to share the problem with your partner but in this case it does seem that the situation with the partner for a number of reasons is quite precarious, its up to the OP what she does as she knows her situation best.  If OP is sure that there are no joint finances there is no reason a DMP should impact on her partner at all.  I think the easiest way to know that for sure is to get copies of credit reports, that will show any linked info.
My personal opinion is that you should stop making payments immediately, there is a letter you can send that tells creditors you are having difficulties and looking at your options, that should buy you some time although obviously the minute this happens it will impact on your credit file.
I wish you all the best and hope you can gain some relief by taking charge of the situation and the early days of sorting things out.
ETA a link to a holding letter template https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/sample-letters-to-creditors/Holding-letter/

sammyjammy

https://nedcab.cabmoney.org.uk/
Can't recommend the above link enough, have used it when helping a number of friends, it explains all the options and will let you do a statement of affairs, add your debts in etc, its all online and is for your personal use, they won't contact you at all and you can update your info, use their letters etc if you decided to do a self managed DMP.

kimwp

Found the SOA link:

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

desperateontheedge

Thanks all you're all amazing. I feel so much calmer and stronger reading all your replies and not so ashamed. The shame of it has been quite a big part of why I couldn't face it for so long. 

I've had a look on Clearscore to check financial connections, is that likely to be accurate and enough to be sure I'm not connected to him? It simply says the following:

Your financial connections

If you have a joint credit account or a loan with someone, you'll see this association here.

You have no financial connections on your credit report.

Is there anywhere else I should check, or is this enough to be sure?

Babybelles

If you have no joint savings, accounts, credit cards, loans or mortgages then I doubt you would be financially linked with each other? You are linked via an address but I don’t think this would affect your DH’s credit score. I’m sure someone will correct me if I am wrong.

I’m really glad you are feeling stronger. I think if you wrote all your debts down & use an app or debt tool it will give you more clarity too. You’ll be able to see your interest rates & your debt free date. 

I know it’s scary to see it all written down but facing it all is a big hurdle to overcome.
Seeing my debt free date (3 years time apparently) is making me more determined to sort this out. I never used to really check balances & certainly didn’t know what my APR’s were. I was just burying my head in the sand but am finally facing up to it

One of my downfalls previously was not stopping spending on my CCs. Again, I know this is hard but please try to stop spending on credit. You can always cut down on food, unnecessary car journeys, clothes & toys for the kids etc.
You’ve got this!

fatbelly

That's correct. You can only be linked by a joint financial product

[Deleted User]

I also didnt want to read and run, but OP for where i'm sitting the only option appears to be to tell your OH, ok he may not like it, he may get annoyed BUT he'll get over it, there are two of you in the relationship "for better or for worse", if he isn't supportive and can't get over it maybe its time to seperate, i know I couldn't stay in a relationship where what's his is his and what's yours is also his.

Purplelady65

I’m sorry to hear about your situation but as others as have said it is only money and can be sorted. Like a few of the OP have already mentioned your spending seems have been on items that are needed for the family and not excessive spending on yourself. Are you sure that your income is enough to meet all these costs? If you were to tell your OH it might be useful to go through your statements beforehand and categorise your spending so that you and your OH can see how the debts have arisen. It may be that you are shouldering higher costs proportionate to your income than your OH. Could you revisit how you pay the mortgage, food and all other bills if you find it is inequitable? 

desperateontheedge

In an ideal world I would be able to tell him but I genuinely can't, I really wish I could and wish I had that kind of marriage but it would cause more problems than it fixed - I know he would limit my access to money and scrutinise any spending, he would take a tight control and I know that's probably what I need but it would affect the children too much and I can't do that. He already vetoes a lot of things I think we need (like family days out!) because he just hates spending money. Me having my own money and control of it means I can take them out myself and pay for a trip to a cafe or whatever without him putting a stop to it, that's important to me that they still get access to that. At least if I can take control of it myself, I'm hoping I can sort the debts out gradually while at the same time keeping the peace and perhaps selling a few bits on eBay to keep me going with spare money for all the things that tend to crop up and funding little trips out. He would also probably make us get rid of the dog because a lot of my money goes on her, food, insurance etc.

I know I'm making myself sound like a complete doormat here but I'm really not! Interestingly though I have looked into it on entitled2 website and if I was to leave him and declare myself bankrupt it's calculations say I would be way better off. Can't do that though.

I've been looking into other bank accounts as suggested before I start the ball rolling with this and have seen Starling bank does current accounts with an app that has different sections to keep track of spending, has anyone any experience of this and would it be wise (or unwise!) to get my salary paid into that? Or is it best to open an account with one of the well known high street banks?

Also, I was thinking about the possibilities of earning extra money by becoming self employed as well as my part time job - can someone with a debt management plan start their own business? I have a couple of ideas of things I might be able to do, would that be a possibility?

desperateontheedge

Babybelles said:

You’ve got this!

Babybelles you and all the others are giving me so much confidence that I can get it sorted, thank you!