Covid is causing a strain on my relationship with my brother

bebex

coffeehound said:

Socialising is a very strong motivation at that age.  Add to that the fact that cv won't affect him, throw in the fact that he's maybe been a bit over-mothered.  Yup, moving out might be your best plan.

My mum over mother’s him, she makes all his food including meal prepping 3 meals for work plus his breakfast and tea. 

bebex

DCFC79 said:

Does he not realise/understand the risks here ?
Where is he partying with others if your in a tier 4 ?
Id also move out if it were me, are you living with your brother hence why its getting to you ?

He thinks he invincible because he’s worked the whole way through covid and not caught it. He’s partying at his friends houses and they rented an air b’n’b in our area which is in tier 4.

It wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t constantly make out like me doing the right friend means I have no friends and I’m desperate to hang out with him and his mates. 

unholyangel

bebex said:

DCFC79 said:

Does he not realise/understand the risks here ?
Where is he partying with others if your in a tier 4 ?
Id also move out if it were me, are you living with your brother hence why its getting to you ?

He thinks he invincible because he’s worked the whole way through covid and not caught it. He’s partying at his friends houses and they rented an air b’n’b in our area which is in tier 4.

It wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t constantly make out like me doing the right friend means I have no friends and I’m desperate to hang out with him and his mates. 

Probably the reason he's doing it tbh, because he knows it winds you up. Siblings are usually experts in being annoying. Almost like they've had a lifetime to practice it. 

Pollycat

You can't control other people's actions.
You can only decide how you are going to deal with those actions.
If you don't like the setup at your Mum's, move out.

lisyloo

unholyangel said:

While I'm mindful of the health implications of covid....I think you're being a bit cheeky with regards to your mum. 

You think she's taking his side but surely if she was, she'd be forcing you to go out and mingle. It sounds like your mum's trying to keep everyone happy, by allowing them to do their own thing. Only you're not happy because you don't want them to do their own thing, you want them to do your thing. 

You can't have everything your own way when other people are involved. You can choose for yourself, but not others. 

I do understand where you're coming from but perhaps I'm feeling sympathy for your mum. I also had two conflicting attitudes to deal with from family members and had no control over either one. 

Hang on a cotton picking minute.
arent we taking about the law? Not personal preferences?

unholyangel

lisyloo said:

unholyangel said:

While I'm mindful of the health implications of covid....I think you're being a bit cheeky with regards to your mum. 

You think she's taking his side but surely if she was, she'd be forcing you to go out and mingle. It sounds like your mum's trying to keep everyone happy, by allowing them to do their own thing. Only you're not happy because you don't want them to do their own thing, you want them to do your thing. 

You can't have everything your own way when other people are involved. You can choose for yourself, but not others. 

I do understand where you're coming from but perhaps I'm feeling sympathy for your mum. I also had two conflicting attitudes to deal with from family members and had no control over either one. 

Hang on a cotton picking minute.
arent we taking about the law? Not personal preferences?

Is there a law that gives enforcement obligations to the mother? Or that makes her responsible for the actions of her son? Would you expect her to force her son to wear a seatbelt when driving, not to speed, not shoplift etc.....or would you say that's his responsibility, to ensure he acts within the law?

I'm not saying the OP is being hard on the brother, just the mum. 

Morrigan_2020

bebex said:

DCFC79 said:

Does he not realise/understand the risks here ?
Where is he partying with others if your in a tier 4 ?
Id also move out if it were me, are you living with your brother hence why its getting to you ?

He thinks he invincible because he’s worked the whole way through covid and not caught it. He’s partying at his friends houses and they rented an air b’n’b in our area which is in tier 4.

It wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t constantly make out like me doing the right friend means I have no friends and I’m desperate to hang out with him and his mates. 

Would you accept being belittled and mocked like that by someone who wasn’t your brother? 

lisyloo

unholyangel said:

lisyloo said:

unholyangel said:

While I'm mindful of the health implications of covid....I think you're being a bit cheeky with regards to your mum. 

You think she's taking his side but surely if she was, she'd be forcing you to go out and mingle. It sounds like your mum's trying to keep everyone happy, by allowing them to do their own thing. Only you're not happy because you don't want them to do their own thing, you want them to do your thing. 

You can't have everything your own way when other people are involved. You can choose for yourself, but not others. 

I do understand where you're coming from but perhaps I'm feeling sympathy for your mum. I also had two conflicting attitudes to deal with from family members and had no control over either one. 

Hang on a cotton picking minute.
arent we taking about the law? Not personal preferences?

Is there a law that gives enforcement obligations to the mother? Or that makes her responsible for the actions of her son? Would you expect her to force her son to wear a seatbelt when driving, not to speed, not shoplift etc.....or would you say that's his responsibility, to ensure he acts within the law?

I'm not saying the OP is being hard on the brother, just the mum. 

Legally no.
Morally I’d say she (the mother) has blood on her hands.
i would expect a mother to be very unhappy to have a criminal son and in many cases not to allow them to live in the same house let alone shower them with affection and approval.
I’d certainly expect any caring mother to be concerned about a son not wearing a seatbelt for his own safety.
of course it’s his responsibility, but she is colluding with criminal behaviour.

I’d be hard on a mother that was both colluding with criminal behaviour (by opening allowing it and showing approval of his choices) but also one with blood on her hands.

I am certainly not telling anyone how to think or act, but I don’t agree that we can all just wash our hands of others behaviour.
we might not be able to change or influence but we don’t have to actively support them and feeding them, housing them IS collusion.

By your standards we’d be inviting certain brides back here because they “only did the washing up”.

this is not a joke. Those who break the rules or collude in it have blood of their hands.

bebex

unholyangel said:

lisyloo said:

unholyangel said:

While I'm mindful of the health implications of covid....I think you're being a bit cheeky with regards to your mum. 

You think she's taking his side but surely if she was, she'd be forcing you to go out and mingle. It sounds like your mum's trying to keep everyone happy, by allowing them to do their own thing. Only you're not happy because you don't want them to do their own thing, you want them to do your thing. 

You can't have everything your own way when other people are involved. You can choose for yourself, but not others. 

I do understand where you're coming from but perhaps I'm feeling sympathy for your mum. I also had two conflicting attitudes to deal with from family members and had no control over either one. 

Hang on a cotton picking minute.
arent we taking about the law? Not personal preferences?

Is there a law that gives enforcement obligations to the mother? Or that makes her responsible for the actions of her son? Would you expect her to force her son to wear a seatbelt when driving, not to speed, not shoplift etc.....or would you say that's his responsibility, to ensure he acts within the law?

I'm not saying the OP is being hard on the brother, just the mum. 

I do personally feel like my mum should stay impartial. My brother could murder someone and in my mums eyes he wouldn’t have done anything wrong. This a on going issue where she supports his wrong doings. Another example would him achieving 2 GSCES because again he was to busy partying and now is struggling to find a new apprenticeship. 

bebex

lisyloo said:

unholyangel said:

While I'm mindful of the health implications of covid....I think you're being a bit cheeky with regards to your mum. 

You think she's taking his side but surely if she was, she'd be forcing you to go out and mingle. It sounds like your mum's trying to keep everyone happy, by allowing them to do their own thing. Only you're not happy because you don't want them to do their own thing, you want them to do your thing. 

You can't have everything your own way when other people are involved. You can choose for yourself, but not others. 

I do understand where you're coming from but perhaps I'm feeling sympathy for your mum. I also had two conflicting attitudes to deal with from family members and had no control over either one. 

Hang on a cotton picking minute.
arent we taking about the law? Not personal preferences?

I personally find it selfish how are people are breaking these laws and are essentially saying their lives are more valuable than those that are vulnerable. People have had to make so many sacrifices this year why can’t people sit in for a few weeks and let the numbers reduce 🤷🏼‍♀️

Plus if broken a law other than covid she would have something to say about it