How much to live on

Plasticman

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

This is a really lovely story. My daughter went through some really bad times in her teens and into her twenties to the extent that I thought I was going to lose her. It gave me a real sense of perspective. Now she's blooming - in her own way and at her own pace - but she got there. 

helensbiggestfan

Plasticman said:

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

This is a really lovely story. My daughter went through some really bad times in her teens and into her twenties to the extent that I thought I was going to lose her. It gave me a real sense of perspective. Now she's blooming - in her own way and at her own pace - but she got there. 

She sounds like a classic Late Bloomer.  You were a good parent, never giving up on her and continuing to support and encourage her, even if you felt worried and frustrated and maybe even exasperated..  It's what she needed and you didn't let her down.  

helensbiggestfan

Pat38493 said:

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

Very good post.  I am a bit concerned about one of our kids who seems to live in cloud cuckooland and I suspect is going to fail at the second attempt on 2nd year uni, as seems to be determined to ignore all our input and advice.  I keep trying to tell myself that life is long, and that she may well change her attitude or find her niche after another 10 years or so.  Also when I think back, the eldest also had a few false starts but is now doing ok.

It's hard isn't it when you have to watch them struggle and see them stumble and fall.  You're right though, life is long and she has time on her side.  Having been through it with my son my advice would be to let her know that she can talk to you anytime, anyplace, day or night.  Let her know that you will always be there for her.  Always keep the channels of communication open, even when you feel exasperated with her.  

If she does fail again she will be miserable and her confidence will take a nosedive. That will be your cue to build her up and let her know that you have her back.  No blame, no nagging.  Remind her that success is built on a mountain of failures.  Teach her the old Japanese proverb, "Fall seven times, get up 8 times". And that we should never, ever, give up.  

Watch a baby learning to walk.....how many times do they fall before they finally crack the code.  Probably thousands of times but they never give up.  

As I explained I too am a Late Bloomer so I really understood what my son was going through and was able to empathise with how miserable he was and how he felt so lost and confused.  He used to compare himself to his brilliant high flying brother and it made him feel like an abject failure.  He too failed his first year at university, actually he didn't even complete his first year.  

By the end of the first semester he realised he was out of his depth. He came home for Christmas and really didn't want to go back. I think he was also very homesick which didn't help.   My husband and I told him not to give up on the idea of university just yet but rather to take a step back, change tack and try a different course.  I wouldn't let him just walk away and abandon his course with nothing on the horizon because I felt that would make him feel even worse. Moping round the house feeling like the worlds biggest loser would have been disastrous.  I told him if he got accepted by another university he could then leave once he had secured an offer.  I think that made it easier for him to return knowing that it was only temporary because he had planned an escape route.  His initial choice had been law.  My husband and I tried to tell him it was wrong for him but of course he knew better. (Bearing in mind he has dyslexia, lol).  He had always been a keen photographer so I suggested he try something along those lines. He chose media production and did well.  

He was offered a job as a photographer in Fleet Street (I admit I had a connection so there was a bit of nepotism at work there). But unfortunately, despite gaining a good degree, his confidence was shattered and he was too nervous to take up the offer.  Hence ending up at the garden centre.  

I myself didn't go to university until I was 40. I was bright enough but I too lacked clarity and confidence.  It was my husband who encouraged me.  It was the right pathway for me. I doubt I could have coped with university at 18.  

I have made quite a study about Late Bloomers. I have always been interested in psychology and philosophy but it was when my husband developed a rare neurological condition and I was looking for answers that I really began researching how the brain works.   

It was at this point that I learned that the frontal cortex (the thinking brain) doesn't fully develop until we are around 25 or so, sometimes slightly later and often a good two years or so later in males. Apparently, up until then we are ruled by the amygdala (sometimes referred to as our lizard brain). That little gem of knowledge hit me like a two ton truck.  All of a sudden it all made perfect sense to me........my own "wilderness years" and how I didn't really find myself until I was in my 30s and of course it helped me appreciate what my son was going through.  

I do think that there is an enormous amount of pressure on our young people.  They are often expected to make life decisions at such a tender age,  before they even know who they are.   Obviously some of them do know exactly where they want to go and how to get there but many of them do seem to flounder for a few years first.  

I learned that there's nothing to be gained by forcing the issue and then getting disappointed with them if they muck it up.  They just have to go at their own pace.  

Just hang in there, have faith and all will be well.  And even if she does screw it all up just remind her and yourself that you are never too old to pick up the pieces, make a fresh start and rebuild your life.  

And the big one.....which most people tend to forget....

"It takes years to become an overnight success".  

Pat38493

helensbiggestfan said:

Pat38493 said:

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

Very good post.  I am a bit concerned about one of our kids who seems to live in cloud cuckooland and I suspect is going to fail at the second attempt on 2nd year uni, as seems to be determined to ignore all our input and advice.  I keep trying to tell myself that life is long, and that she may well change her attitude or find her niche after another 10 years or so.  Also when I think back, the eldest also had a few false starts but is now doing ok.

It's hard isn't it when you have to watch them struggle and see them stumble and fall.  You're right though, life is long and she has time on her side.  Having been through it with my son my advice would be to let her know that she can talk to you anytime, anyplace, day or night.  Let her know that you will always be there for her.  Always keep the channels of communication open, even when you feel exasperated with her.  

If she does fail again she will be miserable and her confidence will take a nosedive. That will be your cue to build her up and let her know that you have her back.  No blame, no nagging.  Remind her that success is built on a mountain of failures.  Teach her the old Japanese proverb, "Fall seven times, get up 8 times". And that we should never, ever, give up.  

Watch a baby learning to walk.....how many times do they fall before they finally crack the code.  Probably thousands of times but they never give up.  

As I explained I too am a Late Bloomer so I really understood what my son was going through and was able to empathise with how miserable he was and how he felt so lost and confused.  He used to compare himself to his brilliant high flying brother and it made him feel like an abject failure.  He too failed his first year at university, actually he didn't even complete his first year.  

By the end of the first semester he realised he was out of his depth. He came home for Christmas and really didn't want to go back. I think he was also very homesick which didn't help.   My husband and I told him not to give up on the idea of university just yet but rather to take a step back, change tack and try a different course.  I wouldn't let him just walk away and abandon his course with nothing on the horizon because I felt that would make him feel even worse. Moping round the house feeling like the worlds biggest loser would have been disastrous.  I told him if he got accepted by another university he could then leave once he had secured an offer.  I think that made it easier for him to return knowing that it was only temporary because he had planned an escape route.  His initial choice had been law.  My husband and I tried to tell him it was wrong for him but of course he knew better. (Bearing in mind he has dyslexia, lol).  He had always been a keen photographer so I suggested he try something along those lines. He chose media production and did well.  

He was offered a job as a photographer in Fleet Street (I admit I had a connection so there was a bit of nepotism at work there). But unfortunately, despite gaining a good degree, his confidence was shattered and he was too nervous to take up the offer.  Hence ending up at the garden centre.  

I myself didn't go to university until I was 40. I was bright enough but I too lacked clarity and confidence.  It was my husband who encouraged me.  It was the right pathway for me. I doubt I could have coped with university at 18.  

I have made quite a study about Late Bloomers. I have always been interested in psychology and philosophy but it was when my husband developed a rare neurological condition and I was looking for answers that I really began researching how the brain works.   

It was at this point that I learned that the frontal cortex (the thinking brain) doesn't fully develop until we are around 25 or so, sometimes slightly later and often a good two years or so later in males. Apparently, up until then we are ruled by the amygdala (sometimes referred to as our lizard brain). That little gem of knowledge hit me like a two ton truck.  All of a sudden it all made perfect sense to me........my own "wilderness years" and how I didn't really find myself until I was in my 30s and of course it helped me appreciate what my son was going through.  

I do think that there is an enormous amount of pressure on our young people.  They are often expected to make life decisions at such a tender age,  before they even know who they are.   Obviously some of them do know exactly where they want to go and how to get there but many of them do seem to flounder for a few years first.  

I learned that there's nothing to be gained by forcing the issue and then getting disappointed with them if they muck it up.  They just have to go at their own pace.  

Just hang in there, have faith and all will be well.  And even if she does screw it all up just remind her and yourself that you are never too old to pick up the pieces, make a fresh start and rebuild your life.  

And the big one.....which most people tend to forget....

"It takes years to become an overnight success".  

Thanks - the part is bold resonates quite strongly - not exactly the same situation but very close, even including the dyslexia and potenial undiagnosed ASD (for which I also have a late life diagnosis).

Also we had that same discussion last Summer - I was trying to talk to my daugther about changing to a different course or even potentially taking a year out and working, to consider whether this is really the right course, but she insisted she wanted to try the same year again - I suspect that was a "wrong" decision but as you say, maybe it's better to take the attitude that every mistake is a learning experience.  It's a bit harder these days when you end up with about £20K of "debt" for each year that is lost (although again you can treat it as a future possible tax burden rather than debt per se).

Murphybear

Organgrinder said:

In this mad world we live in, it's good to see people taking a healthy view of when to retire.

Obviously everyone is different and everyone has different views on how much they need/want etc.

I had an interesting discussion with some students yesterday. I said I couldn't see myself, nor anyone else, teaching up to the age of 67. 

They're still thinking they'll be able to retire much earlier.

Oh the innocence of youth!

My father trained as a Maths teacher after the war.  He was a brilliant teacher and helped me with my Maths homework until A level.  He gave up teaching when he was 58 as he said there was no discipline in the schools any more.  It was a big loss to the teaching profession.  

Murphybear

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

This is one of the loveliest posts I have ever read on MSE  . I particularly liked the bit about cats being an expense.  We often read, sadly,  that people get pets not really understanding they cost money to look after properly.  

Albermarle

Pat38493 said:

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

Very good post.  I am a bit concerned about one of our kids who seems to live in cloud cuckooland and I suspect is going to fail at the second attempt on 2nd year uni, as seems to be determined to ignore all our input and advice.  I keep trying to tell myself that life is long, and that she may well change her attitude or find her niche after another 10 years or so.  Also when I think back, the eldest also had a few false starts but is now doing ok.

My daughter followed almost exactly the same path as me. Probably a coincidence, but maybe something in the genes.
Reasonable results at GCSE/age 16
Discovered beer/women/men
Abysmal result at AS level ( age 17) 
Scraped through at A level and went to Polytechnic/New Uni
First year spent mainly in the bar
Second year a bit middling
Enjoyed a year out on sandwich course
Knuckled down for final year and got an unexpectedly good result.
Got a job straightaway and never looked back. 

She is also learning the personal finance ropes pretty quickly as well 

helensbiggestfan

Murphybear said:

Ohelensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

This is one of the loveliest posts I have ever read on MSE  . I particularly liked the bit about cats being an expense.  We often read, sadly,  that people get pets not really understanding they cost money to look after properly.  

Pets are an expensive hobby.  Not quite as bad as having children but even so.......😁

When my son lived with me whilst we were renovating his property a stray cat showed up.  We took it in, took him to the vets and got him sorted out (can't remember how much that cost). We took out insurance.  A few months later the poor thing got hit by a car.  Vets bill for surgery for a broken pelvis was £4K. Cat was insured for £2k. I chipped in with the extra £2k.  

How could I not.  Pets are family......🤷‍♀️😉. 

My sister has 3 horses, a dog and several chickens. She's always paying out for something.

  

helensbiggestfan

Murphybear said:

Organgrinder said:

In this mad world we live in, it's good to see people taking a healthy view of when to retire.

Obviously everyone is different and everyone has different views on how much they need/want etc.

I had an interesting discussion with some students yesterday. I said I couldn't see myself, nor anyone else, teaching up to the age of 67. 

They're still thinking they'll be able to retire much earlier.

Oh the innocence of youth!

My father trained as a Maths teacher after the war.  He was a brilliant teacher and helped me with my Maths homework until A level.  He gave up teaching when he was 58 as he said there was no discipline in the schools any more.  It was a big loss to the teaching profession.  

It's such a shame that good teachers become so disheartened and demoralised that they either leave the profession or retire early.  All that knowledge and experience not being utilised.  

Perhaps private tutoring adults who actually want to learn is the answer.  

About 5 years ago I paid for one on one  private tuition for help with computer literacy. At the time I happily paid £20 an hour and felt I was getting real value for money.  I intend to have further tuition once I have moved. I want to acquire more advanced computer skills. 

I have talked about my sons problems at school, how he was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole and failing miserably.  Because he was "different" he found it difficult to form real friendships (unlike his brother who was Mr Popular).  He couldn't even fall back on sport for bonding with classmates because of his dyspraxia. It was a worry.  Then I had a brainwave.  

When he was 14, one of the best things I ever did for him was to pay for one on one private guitar lessons.  He was far too shy to join in school music classes.  Talk about blossoming.lol.  He took to it like a duck to water.  He went from "Johnny No Mates" to being the coolest guy in his class. It made a huge difference to his confidence.  He also shot up 6 inches in six months, ending up at 6ft 3ins - that's when the girls began to pay attention. 

 He suddenly had plenty of friends and girls literally knocking on our door.....😂

helensbiggestfan

Albermarle said:

Pat38493 said:

helensbiggestfan said:

My youngest son is 38. 

During his misspent youth money slipped through his fingers.  By his late 20s he had nothing.  And, despite having a good degree, he was wasting his time in a dead end job in a garden centre.  He loved working outside but there was no chance of career progression.  

After my husband died and my caring duties ceased I finally had the time and energy to devote to my two adult sons who were 30 & 28 when their father died.  My eldest son was always the most money savvy and was well established in a lucrative career by then. 

I looked at my youngest son, drifting, grieving his father and decided enough was enough. He needed a mentor. I had hoped his uncle my BIL would give him the male support he needed but that didn't happen. I realised it would have to be me so I set to.  

I pointed out that whilst working outside doing manual work was wonderful in the summer, it was a young man's game.  It would take a terrible toll on his body if he did it for too long.  He needed to plan ahead.  I planted a few seeds by introducing him to MSE, taking him to business seminars (free) and buying him money management and investing books. To help get him started we bought a run down property together which we renovated, my son paying the mortgage and providing the sweat equity, I provided the deposit and the renovation budget. We sold it for a nice healthy profit which became his launching pad to a better financial future.  

Since then he has gone from strength to strength. He has blossomed into a savvy investor with a comfortable financially secure life. He has retrained as an electrical engineer, bought a beautiful 4 bedroom house with his partner. (Small mortgage, good chunk of equity). He has private medical insurance, two pensions and a growing portfolio of investments.  His main expenses are good food, their two cats, and a nice holiday once or twice a year. 

We all develop at different rates.  My eldest son, like his father, was always first out of the starting gate, one of life's shooting stars.  A natural academic, gifted sportsman and charismatic charmer for whom the glittering prizes seemed to come easy. He got off to a flying start and never looked back.  

My youngest son is like me, a Late Bloomer.  He's also Dyslexic, dyspraxic, quiet and dreamy, so he failed to thrive at school where he was very much a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  He just needed to get his bearings and discover his strengths.  

We Late Bloomers do get there in the end......😁. We just need time and space to develop and grow.  To use a gardening analogy. There are dandelions and orchids.  Dandelions are tough and vigorous with a rapid growth rate.  My husband and my eldest son were dandelions.   Most Late Bloomers are orchids, they need careful nurturing.  My youngest son and yes, me too are both orchids.   

Btw.  It looks like we are almost ready to exchange contracts on my new house. Finally.  

Getting excited now.  

Very good post.  I am a bit concerned about one of our kids who seems to live in cloud cuckooland and I suspect is going to fail at the second attempt on 2nd year uni, as seems to be determined to ignore all our input and advice.  I keep trying to tell myself that life is long, and that she may well change her attitude or find her niche after another 10 years or so.  Also when I think back, the eldest also had a few false starts but is now doing ok.

My daughter followed almost exactly the same path as me. Probably a coincidence, but maybe something in the genes.
Reasonable results at GCSE/age 16
Discovered beer/women/men
Abysmal result at AS level ( age 17) 
Scraped through at A level and went to Polytechnic/New Uni
First year spent mainly in the bar
Second year a bit middling
Enjoyed a year out on sandwich course
Knuckled down for final year and got an unexpectedly good result.
Got a job straightaway and never looked back. 

She is also learning the personal finance ropes pretty quickly as well 

Great stuff. As I said, I firmly believe it's never too late to turn over a new leaf.  

I think you may have something there.  Maybe there is something in the genes.   Maybe my son  inherited some of his personality quirks from me and not just his striking good looks,  (joke 😂) 

I loathed school and despite being above average intelligence and winning a scholarship to a prestigious fee paying grammar school I was an indifferent scholar.  No one understood why I failed so miserably. But the truth was, just like my son, I didn't really fit in.  And what's worse, I quickly learned not to care and so gave up trying.  I started playing truant when I was 13. 

 In those days truancy wasn't picked up on. No one seemed to care. The school got their money whether I was there or not and they couldn't be bothered trying to help what they probably saw as a lazy obnoxious teenager. 

I was a Late Bloomer who was lost in a system that only prized the early high flyers.  

When my son was diagnosed with dyslexia and dispraxia I was diagnosed with discalculia.  (Problems with numbers). I was in my mid 40s by this time.  No wonder I struggled with subjects like maths and science.  

 Because I was proficient in English and the humanities, art and design, the school didn't seem to appreciate I might have problems with maths, they just assumed I was being either difficult or lazy.  I was routinely punished for what they saw as non compliance so I soon lost all interest in anything school had to offer.  I ended up pretty much educating myself in the subjects that interested me most, spending most of my truant time in libraries, museums and art galleries.  

I have learned strategies for helping with my discalculia. I am one of the few non accountants I know who can actually get to grips with tax guides so I can't be all that bad.  However, there are still gaps in my science knowledge, especially in technology (which is why paid for tuition in computer literacy). 

I really do believe there is a huge market for teaching both adults and children who have been failed by our educational system.  There must be hundreds of thousands, if not more, of people out there who would benefit.  A friend of mine taught adult literacy to prisoners (whilst they were in prison). I can't remember the statistics she quoted but apparently a very high proportion of prison inmates are functionally illiterate. 

What a waste of human potential. 

In our moments of parental soul searching when we were trying to help our son my husband  used to half joke that our son would either end up as a multi millionaire or in prison. Thankfully, although he isn't a multi millionaire, he didn't fall by the wayside and end up doing jail time either.  

The road to successful adulthood is such a delicate path and there a lot of pitfalls along the way.  There is so much scope for teachers and mentors. I was lucky I had two wonderful mentors, my aunt who took me under her wing and an English teacher who took pity on me and gave me support and encouragement when all the other teachers had written me off.  She knew I was skipping classes but she took the time to direct my reading, giving me lists of books to get from the library. 

They are both long gone now but I remember them both with fondness and gratitude.