I need serious help and advice to help me see my kids

Labtec81

Hi all,

My ex left me 5 years ago and she has our kids living with her, they're aged 8 and 11, until March this year they've been fine to come and see me etc but since then she's used covid as an excuse to stop them,  frankly it didn't even need to be covid any excuse she could use or think up she would do.

Anyway for the last 6 weeks she's stopped them speaking to me despite my 8 year old son BEGGING her (his words) to speak to me and only recently because I wouldn't give up emailing her she's let them speak to me if I stop emailing... But this is the thing that bothers me I'm their dad and I'll never give up on them despite everything my ex and my parents (yes my own so called parents) do to stop me and my so called parents tell me that because I'm speaking to them now I should be grateful... I'm their dad for christs sake I have more rights than they do to see my kids and I'm on both of their birth certificates which I have copies of which since December 2003 gives dad's the same rights as mum's have by law. Yet my ex says to my so called parents not to bring them to my flat to see me... and they listen to her over me because they're terrified if they go against her she'll then stop them seeing them as well...

So I want to see my kids and they want to see me especially my 8 year old son and he asks me all the time when is he going to see me again and I'm sick of them all making him and my daughter suffer which it definitely is doing as I can tell it's bothering them yet everyone else is either blind to it or just doesn't care, I'm a loving dad and put money away for them every month for anything they want need or ask for because their mum won't take any money from me...

To try and make this long story a bit shorter I'm currently bedbound after suffering a broken hip and I've been this way since March this year thanks to covid and I'm waiting for a hip replacement which I need to attempt to walk again but I'm sick of just going along with all their crap and I'm going to take her to court, I can prove that my ex has refused money every month and that I've saved it in a separate bank account and I have hundreds of photos and videos taken over the last 5 years that I can show to the court proving I've seen my kids on many different occasions the last 5 years.

My hope is that someone can help or advise me on taking her to court considering I am bedbound at the moment and have to be transported to hospital for any treatment on a stretcher as I'm unable to use a wheelchair thanks to the severity of the hip fracture.

I just want and need to get this underway whatever the cost because I need to see my children and they need their dad in their lives so please help as I'm really struggling with how I'm being treated and even more so knowing it's making my kids suffer.

Also mediation was tried but with no success quite some time ago.

Thank you

HampshireH

Who would look after your children if you had them?

This is really important as you can't from your bed & they can't be expected to look after themselves (or are you just wanting bedside visits for now?)

Have you set out who would care for them to your ex if you had them??. 

Yes I agree both parents should see their kids and it's really good you are prepared to support them financial ly. But physically you aren't capable at the moment. Even less so if you are even able to use a wheelchair.

I would wait till you are able and then go down the court route. Are you using zoom, WhatsApp video etc to call them at th moment or has that been stopped? Sorry not too clear as you say it stopped but then that your parents say you should be grateful your speaking to them again.

pphillips

First, you'll need the mediators certificate saying that mediation fail.
Secondly, start here to apply for a child arrangements order: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

MalMonroe

There's some advice here from Citizens Advice - https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/making-agreements-about-your-children/making-child-arrangements/

If you've been bedbound since March (sorry to hear about that) then you won't have been able to care for your children, even if they had been allowed to visit. It's probably because you've been bedbound too that you have had more time to think about this and brood about it. 

It isn't a good time to be mixing with other people right now but the government did make allowances for separated parents to take their children to see the parent they didn't live with, so I'm not sure why your ex wasn't able to do that.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/

PS What have you done to alienate your own parents? And I'm not sure why your ex didn't just block your emails or send them straight to spam, it's easy to do. 

Aranyani

I’m sorry but I’m finding it very hard to believe that you have been left without treatment for a hip fracture for 9 months. 

gizmo111

You need to apply for a Child Arrangements Order and then with this put a plan as to how you would see the children.
Who would collect and drop them off - would you need support from a third during your recovery?  If so do you have someone in mind or would you need professional support?
Court hearings are remote either video or audio call at the moment and looks like it will be like this until March at least.
Are there any orders in place or is the arrangement you have been by agreement?

Labtec81

HampshireH said

 said:

Who would look after your children if you had them?

It's not about me having them right now, it's just to get things underway so there is a court order saying they can visit so their mother can't just pick and choose.

HampshireH said
This is really important as you can't from your bed & they can't be expected to look after themselves (or are you just wanting bedside visits for now?)

Yes I'm just wanting bedside visits for now.

HampshireH said
Have you set out who would care for them to your ex if you had them??. 

She knows once I'm back on my feet I'd be the one taking care of them but she doesn't even speak to me, she's been told that from someone else.

HampshireH said
Yes I agree both parents should see their kids and it's really good you are prepared to support them financially. But physically you aren't capable at the moment. Even less so if you are even able to use a wheelchair.

As mentioned above it would be bedside visits for now, the rest to come later when I'm walking again.

HampshireH said
I would wait till you are able and then go down the court route. Are you using zoom, WhatsApp video etc to call them at th moment or has that been stopped? Sorry not too clear as you say it stopped but then that your parents say you should be grateful your speaking to them again.

I'm wanting to start court proceedings now and should still be able to regardless of my temporary disability, I'm using Skype to speak to them at the moment which has only just restarted.

Yes my so called mother was the one that said I should be grateful just to speak to my kids but me and her don't get on anyway as she was nasty and abusive to me when I was a child on a regular basis.

My response to your questions are in bold above. Thanks

Labtec81

MalMonroe said:

If you've been bedbound since March (sorry to hear about that) then you won't have been able to care for your children, even if they had been allowed to visit. It's probably because you've been bedbound too that you have had more time to think about this and brood about it. 

It's not about being able to care about them right now,  it's about the importance of seeing them for both myself and them. Plus it's certainly not anything to do with me being bedbound at all that's made me have more time to think about it, it's been on my mind for a long time and now I'm sick of how they think they can all treat me which is why I'm taking action now.

MalMonroe said:
It isn't a good time to be mixing with other people right now but the government did make allowances for separated parents to take their children to see the parent they didn't live with, so I'm not sure why your ex wasn't able to do that.

I agree but obviously if they're going to school mixing with up to 25 other kids from 25 different households which they are (which I completely disagree with for the record) it shouldn't be allowed whether they use the excuse it's 1 giant bubble or not, they're still at more risk being around so many other children.

And yes my ex should make arrangements for my children to see me and the reason she hasn't or won't is because she's extremely spiteful and only focused on her hate for me and not what our kids want.

MalMonroe said:
PS What have you done to alienate your own parents? And I'm not sure why your ex didn't just block your emails or send them straight to spam, it's easy to do. 

Nothing at all, I don't have a relationship with the woman that calls herself my mother because she was evil and abusive to me for a long time when I was a child physically (not sexually) and mentally..

As for my ex blocking emails she did and I knew she did which is why everytime I emailed her I deliberately did it from a different email address I made up at the time because I thought of that already and I refused to give in, and the only reason I'm now talking to my kids again is because she knew I wouldn't stop emailing her and she knew the only way to stop me was to let me speak to them.

As per other peoples posts I've replied to you in bold above. Thanks

Labtec81

Aranyani said:

I’m sorry but I’m finding it very hard to believe that you have been left without treatment for a hip fracture for 9 months. 

I haven't been left without treatment for the hip fracture, I had a metal plate with 4 screws in it put in with a dynamic hip screw but because of complications the screws were coming out of the bone making it extremely painful to walk and any pressure from a wheelchair made it worse so the plan is to take out the metal plate and the screws and replace my hip on the left side but it was put back thanks to covid where they decided they were only doing surgery for life threatening problems.

See reply in bold above. Thanks

Labtec81

gizmo111 said:

You need to apply for a Child Arrangements Order and then with this put a plan as to how you would see the children.

I'd see them at my flat and they'd be brought here by my father then taken back home by him after seeing me.

gizmo111 said:
Who would collect and drop them off - would you need support from a third during your recovery?  If so do you have someone in mind or would you need professional support?

My dad would pick them up from their house and drop them back at home afterwards, yes I would need 3rd party support during my recovery but I'd be at Mexboroughs dedicated Rehabilitation facility for up to 10 weeks for rehab and they'd be brought there to see me whilst I was recovering and learning to walk again.

gizmo111 said:

Court hearings are remote either video or audio call at the moment and looks like it will be like this until March at least.

Are there any orders in place or is the arrangement you have been by agreement?

There are no orders in place at the moment it was just an agreement between us but she keeps changing it to suit her and I've had enough now so I'm going the court route to make it legally binding.

See my replies in bold above. Thanks

TBagpuss

If your mediation was more than 4 months ago you will need to return to mediation to get a MIAM form - if you contact the same mediator they may be happy to sign this on the basis that you tell them you don't think mediation is workable due to the previous failure.

You can then apply for a child arrangements order which you can do online. This can be in the short term to request both direct contact - perhaps with your parents or another person doing the travelling and remaining in earshot while they are with you, given your physical limitations at present, and indirect contact such as a regular pattern of phone/skype calls and emails, and arrangements for the direct contact to increase once you are back on your feet.

In terms of the schools you can contact them directly to request that you are copied in on any messages sent home - many schools have we portals available to parents where you can access reports etc, if not, ask them to send you copies of anything they are sending home. You should be able to attend (probably virtual, in current circumstances) parents evening etc and you can arrange this directly with the school, you do not need to involve your ex at all, simply let the school know that you are the children's father and have PR and they should understand that that means that, in the absence of any court order preventing it, you are entitled to information about the children and your ex is not entitled to prevent or veto this.  If they tell you otherwise then put your request in writing, stay polite (schools are not always familiar with the law, you don't want to antagonize them), make clear that there are no court orders in place and that as a father with PR you have the same rights as their mum, and she has no authority to seek to stop you having information, and ask them to confirm that legal basis on which they believe that she does, if they are taking that position, but hopefully that won't be necessary. 

Most court hearings are taking place remotely at present, and you could request a video hearing as a reasonable adjustment for your current disability in any event, so no need to wait until you are mobile again before starting the process