Hints and tips welcome to discourage someone from drinking too much

cymruchris

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has someone in the family who might be described as morbidly alcoholic. Not a single 'dry' day goes by - ever. The person I'm worried about is in their 70's, already frail, and intent on drinking a petrol tank's worth of alcohol on a daily basis. So far through discussion, asking politely and nicely, arguing a little and after several falls, I've managed to get them down a little, but nowhere near where they need to be.

At one point they were drinking between 150-200 units of alcohol a week. (Yes I know the recommended amount!) In recent months we've got that down to 100 units a week - but that's still way too much. They won't drink water/tea/coffee/lemonade etc - every drink has to be a 'drink'. We've tried alcohol free wines - and they were a non-starter. We've tried introducing things like elderflower spritzes at a 5 percent alcohol level, but the uptake has been limited. Mostly the drinking tends to be Jack Daniels or the equivalent in the morning, usually two or three 'triples', and then wine all day into the evening (usually close to - or a full bottle)

If you've had an elderly family member in a similar situation - I'd welcome your thoughts and experiences on how you dealt with it. The person concerned lost their wife a year ago - but the drinking has been going on for the last decade. Suggestions on how I might get them to cut down further would be useful. They fully understand that it's not doing them any good - but won't reduce or stop. The family doctor is aware - but as he's said there's not much that can be done until he decides to do something about it himself. 

missile

Who buys the drink? 

cymruchris

missile said:

Who buys the drink? 

They do - via online Supermarket deliveries/Amazon.

Aranyani

This person will definitely be physically dependent on alcohol so actually just stopping would be dangerous.

There’s no point trying to persuade them, just give them the info about what services are available in their area for if/when they decide themselves they want to make a change. 

The family doctor is right, people who are of sound mind have the right to make bad choices.

Pollycat

cymruchris said:

The family doctor is aware - but as he's said there's not much that can be done until he decides to do something about it himself. 

So you may be banging your head against the proverbial wall - regardless of how good your intentions are.

[Deleted User]

 There is nothing you can do sorry. They have to want to stop or reduce their intake.
my sister is an alcoholic, currently yellow eyes, swollen legs and diagnosed with cirrhosis & liver failure. Yet still drinking.   

shinytop

You have my sympathy.  As others have said, he's an alcoholic and he really has two choices, to be an alcoholic who drinks or one who doesn't and it's up to him which one it is.  He's probably depressed too and the alcohol won't help that.  

However, being an alcoholic who drinks 100 units is better than being one who drinks 200 so well done for getting him to cut down.  Just watch it doesn't creep back up.  Is there anything he likes to do that doesn't involve alcohol that you could encourage him with?  Hobbies, grandchildren ?  

A close relative of mine went a bit like yours a few years ago.  His wife died and he retired soon after.  We did what you did, got involved, persuaded, encouraged, got grandkids involved, etc. He did eventually cut it back to more normal levels in his 80s but that may have been an age thing.  It's hard work though.

Sandtree

My aunt was an alcoholic, was diagnosed with liver failure and given a short timescale to live or an exceptionally short timescale to live if she didnt stop drinking... her poison was the likes of Tenants Super and Special Brew but have no idea how she got onto them.

She did try very hard to cut down but it was a daily battle and eventually the struggle was too hard and she decided she’d rather die a drunk quickly than suffer being a t-total alcoholic and live a bit longer.

In the end she lived the best part of a decade from her 3-6 month prognosis though last seeing her two years before her passing she was a ghost of her former self physically and almost all calories consumed were then from alcohol.

Alcoholism is a disease like most other addictions; if they are alcohol dependent then its even more complicated. As with other illnesses, there isnt a magic phrase you can say to get them to stop over night and indeed doing so could be dangerous. Ideally you want to be getting them to doctors for assistance and care but they are going to have to want to fix their problems first.

MovingForwards

My ex was / is a functioning alcoholic, started with one strong beer, then two, then a bottle or two of wine and beer, a bottle of sprits, spirits and beer, basically anything he could get his hands on. By the time we were on the cusp of breaking up it was 6 - 8 cans of strong beer a night when working the next day.

There was always an excuse; can't sleep, stressed, parents, not going to a pub and having a soft drink, not going out with mates and not drinking, you're driving I can have a few drinks.

Even when a friend died because of drinking, it made no difference, it should have been a wake up call.

As others have said, you can't help someone unless they want to help themselves. I would go as far as saying reducing the intake should be done under strict medical supervision because the body is so dependent on the alcohol.

pollypenny

Just one thing to add to the above advice, have you contacted Al-anon, the group for families of alcoholics?  They can offer you some support and advice. 

cymruchris

Thanks everyone for your time in putting together a few words - it was what I'd expected to hear - and some very good points made - there's no doubt there's a dependance on alcohol which is why I don't just lock it all away or pour it down the sink - he's lost interest in everything that has ever interested him - he's bought all the gadgets for his hobbies - but they lie around unused.

It's good to hear some views from the internet though - and the experiences shared. 

I'll have to keep on trying to encourage the levels to reduce - but realistically  I don't see it happening. He had another (drunken) fall last night - then remorseful and apologetic - yet today back on the jack daniels.