Why even bother

Dizzy_Ditzy

OP *PLEASE* contact your GP. It may be that a bit of tweeking of your meds might help. You could also try calling and speaking to some of the many mental health lines out there. You dont have to feel like this and you certainly dont have to continue feeling like this. 

Death is so difficult to deal with. I lost my little brother to cancer in February at the age of 35. He had his whole life ahead of him. I do understand a lot of what you are dealing with. I will certainly be looking again at some of the advice you've been given on this post. Please speak to someone  

Retireby40

kimwp said:

Retireby40 said:

....helping out at womans aid and a few other things like food banks and charities. She did love her holidays to Spain too. So getting away once a year often made a difference. 

.....a social scene where you are firmly a member and part of something. And that matters. 

30 minutes walk before work or after work outside in the fresh air (even in the rain or snow or whatever) can help.

I appreciate that you are trying to help, but I think there are quite a few assumptions you've made about the op so I have taken those out and left (what I believe to be) the helpful bits. Having said that;
I've always done lots of volunteering alongside a full time job, with kids once a week and an annual residential week where I could with people dependent on wheelchairs and other assistance. Socialised with a fantastic solid group of friends and family that loves me. No alcohol issues or debt problems. Not always great at exercise, but I have a friend that does an impressive amount of outdoor swimming, running and cycling alongside her volunteering and busy social life (in non-covid times) - neither could shift the sadness by ourselves. Sometimes it is there while you do those things, sometimes there is a temporary reprieve. Having strong connections, exercising, helping others, being grateful, talking to friends etc are all great things to help and how we should live (if desired and possible), but sometimes they are not enough.
(I am not the OP, but I am trying to explain what it can be like where I think that might be helpful to improve understanding)
Having said the above... I (now) firmly believe that there is a route through, however difficult it is to find, and it IS worth it  xx

Not assuming anything basically giving a back story and how someone who had depression, who had lost many family members 5-10 years before that, who was reaching a similar age as the OP was often in that mood of no point doing anything. No motivation for life. There most certainly is a point to living. Its just getting yourself out there how difficult it may be. Doing thing you find difficult are usually the most rewarding in the end. 

While the things I mention might not help everyone they certainly help a lot. The science around exercise is proven. 

Plus if you want to give your own thoughts you shouldnt really pick at someone else's post to try and give yours. Just post normally.

John_

Iamdebtfree said:

Thank you everyone so much for your kind and thoughtful responses..  I will try and post later today. Thank you again..

Anything posted by people who don’t know you might come across as a bit trite, so apologies if this feels like a bad idea, but do you do much exercise?
Even people with the strongest mental health will be struggling at the moment, and getting out of the house and exercising a bit really can help. Can you walk, or cycle? If so, why not give it a try? Just do something each day. It doesn’t have to be much, but even a ten minute walk can help.

harrys_nan

Hi, I have just popped in to see how you are getting on. I hope you have managed to contact your doctor and perhaps had a review on your meds. Take the advice of trying to get out for a walk even in the rain, it will lift you up I hope. I'm glad you hubby is supportive. Don't forget to come back here if you need some company, take care x

RuthnJasper

Iamdebtfree said:

Thank you Mrsn..

I'm not a huge fan of talking about myself. But reading all of your responses most definitely helps..

Again, grateful to everyone of you who responded to me..❣

Please keep bothering.  You are a worthwhile person.  I often get down.  I try to pull myself out (thinking about all those millions of sperms (apologies) ... I was the one that made it and was given life.  And I'm not even a very good swimmer. The irony...). Sometimes, though, we need a bit of help from a GP or other professional - just to get us over the difficult and rocky bits. 
You are a good, thoughtful person. Your family, friends and the world in general would miss you very much if you stopped being around.  Every good wish to you (and your friends). xx

Iamdebtfree

Again, thank you so very much everyone who took the time to respond to me with kind and helpful words..

All of you have actually helped me in a practical way!

I looked at the dosage of an antidepressant I'm on and realised that I have for many months been taking half the prescribed doze. Now back on the full doze prescribed and hoping to feel better very soon. For this I thank you all wholeheartedly as it was your advice to talk to my GP and look into tweaking  meds I am on that made me stop and think. 

❣❣❣

kimwp

That's great news! Hopefully it kicks in soon. All the practical things like exercise, getting outside etc are excellent things to do to get the happy hormones flowing, but (certainly in my case), I needed the antidepressants to stop my brain munching them up faster than I could produce them. Now, I can actually get the benefit of doing those things (and hopefully address the munching!) - hopefully it will be the same for you too. Keep us updated - remember it can get a bit worse before it gets better - but it will get better xxx

MEM62

Iamdebtfree said:

I'm just a sad loser, and deserve all the pain.

Thank you everyone

No, you are not and no, you do not.  But you do need help.  
50's is hardly middle aged these days.  Get help, get busy living.  It is still a great world out there.        

ElephantBoy57

Iamdebtfree said:

I can't be the only person on the planet who at age 50 feels that real life's as good as over. At least everything that was worth living for is over. From now on it's all about careful penny pinching and terrified sobbing fits when faced with yet another death at 50.  If I knew how long I have left. If I only knew how long I've got left.

I am counting my money, to understand how much longer I need to work, I am 59, lol

If I retired now, I would have £5,000 per year and £14,000 when I am 67 that includes the state pension.

So if I work another 3 years, I will have around £7,000 per year in 2023; if I work untill 67 I will have more money than my present salary.

I hope you are really debt free, so that is a start, maybe you are ok for money. I too feel that I dont know what illness is around the corner, but other than aches and pains everything is ok.

MovingForwards

ElephantBoy57 said:

Iamdebtfree said:

I can't be the only person on the planet who at age 50 feels that real life's as good as over. At least everything that was worth living for is over. From now on it's all about careful penny pinching and terrified sobbing fits when faced with yet another death at 50.  If I knew how long I have left. If I only knew how long I've got left.

I am counting my money, to understand how much longer I need to work, I am 29.

If I retired now, I would have £5,000 per year and £14,000 when I am 67 that includes the state pension.

So if I work another 3 years, I will have around £7,000 per year in 2023; if I work untill 67 I will have more money than my present salary.

I hope you are really debt free, so that is a start, maybe you are ok for money. I too feel that I dont know what illness is around the corner, but other than aches and pains everything is ok.

You seem to have lost 3 decades Elephant.

@i@Iamdebtfree I hope your correct dose works soon for you. It may be a longshot, but is it possible hormones are coming into play and have been for several years? 

There is more to life than you are experiencing, but it's hard when needing to work to pay for it.

Maybe during the forthcoming break you can re-evaluate finance, reduce some outgoings and see about dropping a day at work.