Why even bother

Vintage47

I am 73 and find remembering and trying to live by the thoughts in this quotation  from the Victorian  novelist Edith Wharton a great help. We all respond to grief in different ways but we need to all experience grief to understand our fellow humans and learn true love and compassion. Your friend would not want her dreadful illness and death to be the end of your own happiness and useful life. If I could just hug you tight I would

"In spite of illness, in spite even of the arch-enemy, sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

John_

Iamdebtfree said:

I can't be the only person on the planet who at age 50 feels that real life's as good as over. At least everything that was worth living for is over. From now on it's all about careful penny pinching and terrified sobbing fits when faced with yet another death at 50.

If I knew how long I have left. If I only knew how long I've got left.

A very good friend of my age is dying. Riddled with cancer. Paralyzed, on morphine, barely coherent. Husband and I, her and her bloke.. We partied like crazy together ten years ago.Young fit and happy. Penniless and in debt. We didn't give a toss.

 She's as good as gone. I don't know how to cope.

Am already on anti deps. Gp can only help to an extent. 

I don't want to be this old. 

I want to go back to when life was fun.. and everything was still ahead and death was this weird concept which didn't apply to me.

Hopefully the medication will help, and it sounds as though some counseling could too.
Your message may help others to plan ahead, which would be a good thing, as many are still acting as you did, living the high life on money that they have borrowed from their future selves. They know where it heads, as you did, but decided that they didn’t care, as the future would somehow ignore the past.
Things can improve, and very likely will but you need to deal with your depression first, as improvement will take some effort, and planning, neither of which come easily when you are depressed.
Speak to your GP, and see what your options are.

clive0510

Well I'm 60 next year. got a few medical conditions. fell over and broke my hip 6 yrs ago. got that put back together and up and running again. was found at the time to be diabetic. got bad bone density. and now apparently prostrate problem. but thats just the way it is. I'm still working full time. got a ifa putting things in order for when I retire in 5 yrs time. look forward,not back I say. 

AskAsk

Iamdebtfree said:

I'm just a sad loser, and deserve all the pain.

and here we have the problem.  you are already moving away from your age being a problem and have now said that you feel like a sad loser and deserve your current situation.  i think you are just depressed about your whole life and not just any one thing in particular, but actually everything in particular.

if you can afford to pay for private counselling then do so as they can really help you to talk things through and put everything into perspective.  you have to identify why you believe that you are a loser and work out if there are ways to become less of a loser or not be a loser at all.  what you think would make you feel you will no longer be a loser.

and work out why you think you deserve your current situation.  did you cause yourself to end up in this depressed state.  have you done something or led a certain lifestyle that has ended up where you are.  that if you had done something different, you would be much happier.

kimwp

Iamdebtfree said:

I'm just a sad loser, and deserve all the pain.

Thank you everyone

I felt like this at the start of the year. I recommend going back to your gp and seeking therapy. I'm not 100% no issues, but I'm definitely back on an even keel - my understanding is that it's hormones going a bit unbalanced - whether due to external circumstances or self talk habits - broken hormones need treatment just like anything else broken. Some things we can mend ourselves (torn nail, cut finger, feeling a bit down), some we need to call in the experts for (broken leg, feeling really down and worthless).
Keep talking xx

Savvy_Sue

If you could find something you used to enjoy doing, and do it again even in lockdown, I hope you would feel better. Can you and your husband dance together at home? - sobbing your hearts out while you do so, no shame in that. Do you enjoy singing? There are online choirs, and there are no geographical boundaries right now! 

And please, try to get out for a walk in the fresh air every day, preferably with green and trees around you. On your own or with a friend - even someone you don't know well - no need to talk, just walk. From next week it will be possible walk in organised small groups - are there local walking for health groups near you? 

I'm not going to say you'll feel better (and I'm definitely NOT going to tell you that doing some exercise will lift your mood and re-energise you, because the world is divided into those who do and those who don't find this to be true, and it's only the ones who do who repeat this 'fact' at irritating intervals!) but right now it's a case of doing things which don't make you feel any worse, and help you start to see a possibility of light through the dark clouds, a tiny spark at the end of a long dark tunnel. 

And again, feel free to rant and rave at me for not understanding, not helping, saying the wrong things and all. Just don't lob the computer through the window. :-)

JIL

I watched a close family friend die at a relatively young age. It took a lot of getting over. She was a fabulous woman, caring, intelligent and full of life. Afterwards the heartbreak of seeing her husband and children and grandchildren living without her was shattering.

You will feel like you want to turn the clock back to a time when things were better. But that's not possible, you need to make the best of today. You really need to talk to someone about how you are feeling. You arent a loser, you are just feeling lost.
Phone the samaritans, speak to your gp. Do an online consultation. 
X

MalMonroe

You are NOT a sad loser! And you really don't deserve any pain.  I just turned 70 and don't consider myself old, in fact I'm just about to launch my own online business next month. At 50, I do consider you to be a spring chicken. It's really awful though when someone you know and love is terminally ill. But we are all being limited by coronavirus right now as well and I think it's getting many people down. You have the added sadness of not being able to do anything to help your friend. As others have said, speak to someone, perhaps see, or at the very least, chat to your GP. 

In the past I went through a really bad patch and suffered from severe depression so I can understand a little of what you're going through. I know that this is not unusual and that many people suffer from depression, whether there's a reason or not. You have your husband, though, even if you don't feel that you can talk to him, hopefully he's a comfort to you. You're not alone. It's good that you came on here and wrote how you felt, writing things down can be very helpful. And all the people responding have been really kind. 

You need to be kind to yourself as well. I do hope you are feeling a bit better soon, although obviously it's going to be difficult. Your friend's husband is going to need support as well. Please take care of yourself, and do more writing. Not just to put on here but in a notebook or something, I always find it's really helpful. All the best to you x

Iamdebtfree

Thank you everyone so much for your kind and thoughtful responses..  I will try and post later today. Thank you again..

Mrsn

OP please do speak to your GP. 

Whether they might wish to look at your current medication or some other treatments including talking therapy I’m unsure but I do know that you do not have to go through this alone.

This year alone without other things happening has been awful, it’s changed everything beyond recognition and it’s no surprise that people beginning to lose hope and faith. Once you add in the very sad situation with your friend it isn’t hard to see why you feel the way you do. I lost a very dear friend to cancer a few years back and it is destroying to see what
happens in those last few weeks/months.

Please know that you are not worthless. It’s hard to fight some days to keep going but you can do it. Most of all please keep talking