He’s got low self esteem

AskAsk

Smodlet said:

I think you need either to raise your standards, which would be my recommendation, or to lower them.  If that is too grammatical for you, either ditch him or put up with him... Seriously, is he all you are worth?  He sounds like somewhere you would be better putting a piece of furniture to me (waste of space, in case you did not get it)

If my post comes across as patronising, it was meant to.  Why do you need even to ask the question?  What do you do with rubbish?  I doubt you can even recycle him; maybe for organs..?  He won't get it up until he grows up and grows a pair.

the OP may feel sorry for him.  and if they have been friends for a long time, she may have feelings for him.  otherwise i can't see why anyone would want to be with him.

bebex

AskAsk said:

Smodlet said:

I think you need either to raise your standards, which would be my recommendation, or to lower them.  If that is too grammatical for you, either ditch him or put up with him... Seriously, is he all you are worth?  He sounds like somewhere you would be better putting a piece of furniture to me (waste of space, in case you did not get it)

If my post comes across as patronising, it was meant to.  Why do you need even to ask the question?  What do you do with rubbish?  I doubt you can even recycle him; maybe for organs..?  He won't get it up until he grows up and grows a pair.

the OP may feel sorry for him.  and if they have been friends for a long time, she may have feelings for him.  otherwise i can't see why anyone would want to be with him.

We’re in the same friendship group and I’m concerned about the pressure on the group if we can’t be around each other. My last boyfriend killed himself due mental health issues he was battling and it’s not something I want on my conscience.

NBLondon

If you stick with this - your own mental health will suffer.  You're putting your friend's welfare above your own and apparently the rest of your "friendship group".      Have you considered whether you have a possibly unhealthy attraction to "broken" boyfriends?

Penguin_

Whilst I don't advocate the way he makes you feel, I don't think that you can ask him to stop liking other girls posts on Instagram... 

bebex

NBLondon said:

If you stick with this - your own mental health will suffer.  You're putting your friend's welfare above your own and apparently the rest of your "friendship group".      Have you considered whether you have a possibly unhealthy attraction to "broken" boyfriends?

My last boyfriend was fine when we got together but his mental health suffered after he was beaten as part of a random attack which led to him being un able to carry on with his career. 

MalMonroe

Your heading is "he's got low self-esteem" but this sentence : "I’ve been seeing my friend for 3 months after 3 months of him chasing me as I was dead set on not getting involved with anyone." totally contradicts that statement.

You are not happy with this 'friendship', or whatever it is, so end it. Things can only get worse and you really don't need, or deserve, that. This person does NOT have low esteem!

bebex

MalMonroe said:

Your heading is "he's got low self-esteem" but this sentence : "I’ve been seeing my friend for 3 months after 3 months of him chasing me as I was dead set on not getting involved with anyone." totally contradicts that statement.

You are not happy with this 'friendship', or whatever it is, so end it. Things can only get worse and you really don't need, or deserve, that. This person does NOT have low esteem!

He does have low esteem, he constantly doubts himself and says he doesn’t feel he can be himself around our friends as he’s scared they won’t like him and he won’t act like himself. He’s told me multiple he doesn’t feel good enough and he worries that I won’t like him for various reasons 

AskAsk

bebex said:

AskAsk said:

Smodlet said:

I think you need either to raise your standards, which would be my recommendation, or to lower them.  If that is too grammatical for you, either ditch him or put up with him... Seriously, is he all you are worth?  He sounds like somewhere you would be better putting a piece of furniture to me (waste of space, in case you did not get it)

If my post comes across as patronising, it was meant to.  Why do you need even to ask the question?  What do you do with rubbish?  I doubt you can even recycle him; maybe for organs..?  He won't get it up until he grows up and grows a pair.

the OP may feel sorry for him.  and if they have been friends for a long time, she may have feelings for him.  otherwise i can't see why anyone would want to be with him.

We’re in the same friendship group and I’m concerned about the pressure on the group if we can’t be around each other. My last boyfriend killed himself due mental health issues he was battling and it’s not something I want on my conscience.

you could still be friends and leave it at that.  there is no obligation for you to get involved with him.  as a friend, you would be better placed to help him as then you can be independent.

Pollycat

bebex said:

We’re in the same friendship group and I’m concerned about the pressure on the group if we can’t be around each other. My last boyfriend killed himself due mental health issues he was battling and it’s not something I want on my conscience.

Aren't you concerned about the pressure on you if you continue seeing him?

-taff

bebex said:

He does have low esteem, he constantly doubts himself and says he doesn’t feel he can be himself around our friends as he’s scared they won’t like him and he won’t act like himself. He’s told me multiple he doesn’t feel good enough and he worries that I won’t like him for various reasons 

He 'chased' you for three months until you felt brow beaten enough to say yes? This is not the action of someone who has low self esteem. This is the action, along with the constant 'I'm not good enough' chats that are bascially manipulating you itno seeing him.

Just tell him you don't think a relationship with you is good for his mental health, because it'll turn into a self fulfilling prophecy if you do leave him and then stop seeing him ina romantic way otherwise you're setting yourself for potentially years of  hand holding.

He's an adult, it's not your job to fix him.