Really confused about what I want :(

danlightbulb

coachman12 said:

Flicking through this thread for the first time, I am amazed at 25 pages of pianos, level driveways for a car that is never used to travel into B-ham (it is not hard to travel by car from Dudley to B-ham). 
The O/P does not have sufficient funds to move out of the rather downmarket DY4 area and look towards places like Kingswinford or Walsall or Bloxwich. In fact I am not at all sure the O/P wants to buy a house at all. But, as I've said, I've only glanced through this marathon search for an elusive house in Dudley, so many helpful points must have been posted already. Personally, I would get as far as possible from Tipton or any such area around Dudley.
But it is the wishes of the O/P which have to be respected so I hope he makes his mind up and finds a suitable house from which to regale the neighbours with the strains of Rachmaninoff 
Good luck.

Hi, actually although DY4 is a downmarket area, prices here are absolutely crazy at the moment. There is huge demand (for some reason unknown to me) and prices have been rising rapidly. I can get more for my money in the other areas you suggest than I can here.

You're right that this area is not the best but my whole life is here and I live alone, and don't want to make my isolation worse than it is. The travel links for places like Dudley and beyond are really poor. Walsall is ok, but away from anyone I know. I would be very isolated there.

danlightbulb

WiseOwl00 said:

I understand your criteria regarding area, but it will restrict your options majorly. Do you have to be within 1 mile of all your friends/family? You have a car, could you not increase your search to +3 miles and drive to see them? Perhaps look at the areas which are also on the main train routes so you can still avoid taxis? By doing this, you might also find an area with good amenities. 

I think what people may be missing is my high level of isolation that i feel. Alot of people with lots of equity will move to a pretty village to seek out a 'local pub' and a sense of community. Im just wanting the same where I live, but that's no good if im several miles away. Yeah, I can drive to the pub, I can have a taxi, but im never going to be close enough to feel close and connected. Its difficult to explain that feeling. Many years back, people would have lived, worked and socialised within a couple of miles area at most and because I live alone, I find myself desiring a similar thing.

Im very sentimental/nostalgic type of person.

danlightbulb

getmore4less said:

Would make those places top heavy with integral garage more balanced. 

Ah I like that phrase 'top heavy'. Yeah that sums up the feeling I'm getting with alot of houses Im seeing in one neat two word phrase. Almost everyone needs bedrooms, for kids etc. I don't need that, I need more downstairs space. It seems a difficult thing to get.

danlightbulb

AdrianC said:

coachman12 said:

The O/P does not have sufficient funds to move out of the rather downmarket DY4 area and look towards places like Kingswinford or Walsall or Bloxwich.
...
Personally, I would get as far as possible from Tipton or any such area around Dudley.

I think you might have missed the brief interlude around page 19 where he explained he doesn't deserve anything better...

Hi Adrian. Ive been thinking about this comment I made since I made it. I think my terminology was a bit wrong and didn't convey what I meant. I think I feel like, if I get a house that's fairly 'grand' looking (relatively speaking of course) that I feel like I'm being unnecessarily over indulgent. I guess that echos alot of the criticism Ive had of my wishlist too, in that it is overly ambitious and restrictive when combined with my budget. I come from a modest background and can't help feel like I'm overstepping some unwritten line, like a feeling of guilt really, when I consider certain houses that are larger or have more desirable features than houses my family have. I know that probably sounds stupid and some would not care at all but it is something that lingers in my mind.

MFWannabe

danlightbulb said:

hazyjo said:

getmore4less said:

Why does the piano have to be on the ground floor?

Hobby/office room upstairs would keep the living space for living, having people round for socials. 

Would make those places top heavy with integral garage more balanced. 

We've gone through this a few pages back.

He wants it on show so he and visitors can see it (and admire it I suppose).

Which I guess rules out a music room at the bottom of the garden too...

I think this is quite a misrepresentation actually, and a bit of a put down.
Playing the piano is my main hobby. I think if you ask any piano player, having it upstairs (or god forbid in a wooden garden shed as suggested!) is the last thing any of them would be happy with. Its not about having it on show (I don't host visitors, ever), its a case of a) out of sight out of mind and b) having a deep enjoyment of such a lovely thing. Its a serious hobby of mine that is rare these days, that I've invested a lot of time and money in as an adult learner, and suggesting I make do with it in a tiny upstairs bedroom is pretty ridiculous really. Do none of you have something that is important to you, that you'd want to give a special place to in your home? Just because its a piano, not a, much more common, kid or a dog, means its worth less in your eyes.

Have you actually looked at the properties? It’s far from ‘a wooden shed’  I can’t see where anyone has suggested this? 

MFWannabe

danlightbulb said:

AdrianC said:

coachman12 said:

The O/P does not have sufficient funds to move out of the rather downmarket DY4 area and look towards places like Kingswinford or Walsall or Bloxwich.
...
Personally, I would get as far as possible from Tipton or any such area around Dudley.

I think you might have missed the brief interlude around page 19 where he explained he doesn't deserve anything better...

Hi Adrian. Ive been thinking about this comment I made since I made it. I think my terminology was a bit wrong and didn't convey what I meant. I think I feel like, if I get a house that's fairly 'grand' looking (relatively speaking of course) that I feel like I'm being unnecessarily over indulgent. I guess that echos alot of the criticism Ive had of my wishlist too, in that it is overly ambitious and restrictive when combined with my budget. I come from a modest background and can't help feel like I'm overstepping some unwritten line, like a feeling of guilt really, when I consider certain houses that are larger or have more desirable features than houses my family have. I know that probably sounds stupid and some would not care at all but it is something that lingers in my mind.

Then stick to something modest 🤷‍♀️

MFWannabe

danlightbulb said:

WiseOwl00 said:

I understand your criteria regarding area, but it will restrict your options majorly. Do you have to be within 1 mile of all your friends/family? You have a car, could you not increase your search to +3 miles and drive to see them? Perhaps look at the areas which are also on the main train routes so you can still avoid taxis? By doing this, you might also find an area with good amenities. 

I think what people may be missing is my high level of isolation that i feel. Alot of people with lots of equity will move to a pretty village to seek out a 'local pub' and a sense of community. Im just wanting the same where I live, but that's no good if im several miles away. Yeah, I can drive to the pub, I can have a taxi, but im never going to be close enough to feel close and connected. Its difficult to explain that feeling. Many years back, people would have lived, worked and socialised within a couple of miles area at most and because I live alone, I find myself desiring a similar thing.

Im very sentimental/nostalgic type of person.

I totally understand you want to stay in very local area and I don’t think people are misunderstanding this.
However people are getting frustrated at your lack of compromise and are not sure you actually want to buy? 
I think you need to make a list of priorities and decide what you will not compromise on 
Location being top of the list 
For us location was top and actually even less of a 1 mile radius! So we worked with this and our budget. Bought a 2 bed with garage as that’s what we could afford and we’re our definite not budging on. needed redecorating throughout but nothing major, Been here 5 years now and have no intention of moving! 

I think you really need to sit down and have a word with yourself, honestly; I read your replies and they’re negative and massively overthinking everything 
1) Ask yourself if you really want to buy
2) you currently rent; what do you like about the house you rent? List these as there must be properties for sake like this? 
3) List priorities; the ones you won’t budge on ie location and the ones you can compromise on; there will need to be some compromises! 
List your budget; I would say max budget needs to be no major work as you won’t be able to afford it for ages. What’s your more comfortable budget? 
4) Look for properties based on the above and go and view.  Don’t dismiss from internet pictures; actually go and view them! Nightingale Drive? 
5) Only put in an offer if you really want it. I’ve seen that you had offers accepted on 2 properties and pulled out of both. Estate agents won’t put you forward as a serious buyer if you’re not! It’s hard selling a house anyway without vendors worrying about uncertain buyers 
6) Of course if you’re not serious about buying ignore all the above and continue renting but then please stop posting asking for advice as people will get really tired of giving same advice! 

P.S Think about how much you’ve spent renting and how much mortgage you could have paid off 🙄 You’ve been asking for advice on making a decision since March 2019 and I estimate in that time you’ve spent approx 10K in rent 😱

hazyjo

danlightbulb said:

hazyjo said:

getmore4less said:

Why does the piano have to be on the ground floor?

Hobby/office room upstairs would keep the living space for living, having people round for socials. 

Would make those places top heavy with integral garage more balanced. 

We've gone through this a few pages back.

He wants it on show so he and visitors can see it (and admire it I suppose).

Which I guess rules out a music room at the bottom of the garden too...

I think this is quite a misrepresentation actually, and a bit of a put down.
Playing the piano is my main hobby. I think if you ask any piano player, having it upstairs (or god forbid in a wooden garden shed as suggested!) is the last thing any of them would be happy with. Its not about having it on show (I don't host visitors, ever), its a case of a) out of sight out of mind and b) having a deep enjoyment of such a lovely thing. Its a serious hobby of mine that is rare these days, that I've invested a lot of time and money in as an adult learner, and suggesting I make do with it in a tiny upstairs bedroom is pretty ridiculous really. Do none of you have something that is important to you, that you'd want to give a special place to in your home? Just because its a piano, not a, much more common, kid or a dog, means its worth less in your eyes.

Who suggested a wooden shed?! So it's okay for you to completely make things up to spit back at me, yet take offence about something I mentioned (you had in fact said "a piano as well as an instrument would be a centerpiece like a piece of high end furniture" - perhaps I presumed you weren't just wanting that for your own eyes).

My next door neighbour plays instruments professionally. That's his job, not just his hobby and it's good enough for him. He has a music room in the garden, not a wooden shed. It prob cost in excess of thirty grand. He doesn't forget to play cos he doesn't walk past it every day. He plays stuff all day. In fact, they even have a piano in their house. Our houses are halls adjoining - perhaps that's something to look at. The stairs are likely to be next to each other rather than just a wall.

Love your comparison of a piano with a child or pet lol.

You work; it's a hobby. Seriously, how long do you think you'll be playing it every day?

Put the pub postcode into rightmove and work a mile outside from that rather than sticking one vague area postcode in (I think it lets you do that).

Trust me, your mates will eventually move away. You'll all prob make the effort to still see each other. Is there somewhere you could live on a bus route to get you there rather than getting a cab? Even if it just means you get a cab home?

I don't live anywhere near my friends (of which I have many). I pay for tube tickets and cabs back from the station for safety, or stay at someone's house or a hotel for the night. Wouldn't even have crossed my mind to say I couldn't live this far out as I'd have to pay something other than the cost of a night out to see them.

getmore4less

danlightbulb said:

hazyjo said:

getmore4less said:

Why does the piano have to be on the ground floor?

Hobby/office room upstairs would keep the living space for living, having people round for socials. 

Would make those places top heavy with integral garage more balanced. 

We've gone through this a few pages back.

He wants it on show so he and visitors can see it (and admire it I suppose).

Which I guess rules out a music room at the bottom of the garden too...

I think this is quite a misrepresentation actually, and a bit of a put down.
Playing the piano is my main hobby. I think if you ask any piano player, having it upstairs (or god forbid in a wooden garden shed as suggested!) is the last thing any of them would be happy with. Its not about having it on show (I don't host visitors, ever), its a case of a) out of sight out of mind and b) having a deep enjoyment of such a lovely thing. Its a serious hobby of mine that is rare these days, that I've invested a lot of time and money in as an adult learner, and suggesting I make do with it in a tiny upstairs bedroom is pretty ridiculous really. Do none of you have something that is important to you, that you'd want to give a special place to in your home? Just because its a piano, not a, much more common, kid or a dog, means its worth less in your eyes.

People with hobbies create hobby space away from their day to day.
Does not have to be the smallest room upstairs, could be the biggest and the smaller ones for bed dressing. 

If it is so important you would be there most of the time.

If you need it in a promenant place in the main living space so it is not out of site and subsequently out of mind you are not into it as much as you think. 

If you never have people round you don't need the normal social facilities like dining tables, sofa etc.

That fees up plenty of places in most houses to give a piano the priority position and still have room for a chair, TV and small area to eat if not a laptray person.

carefullycautious

Your hobbies don't help with your isolation could you broaden your friendship group by doing a hobby which brings you into contact with others?
You do sound like someone who would benefit from counselling to establish why you cant make a decision as you are stuck in a negative thought pattern
Many moons ago I worked in the community and the amount of elderly people I came across who were rattling about in large properties that they could no longer maintain was huge. As you age  your priorities change and the need for bigger and better diminishes this is usually a time when people are thinking of downshifting paying off their mortgages and taking things a bit easier. I'm not sure how old you are but do think carefully about your future needs not just what you want now.