HELP!How to convert a money waster? (sry long)

John_M_Business

Most MEN are bad with money? I think that there should definitely be an IMHO in there...

From my experience, most women would not know what was in their bank account (or not as the case may be). As for impulse buys, sure some men go for the gadgets, but in the end Women are much more likely to 'therapy shop' (and spend for England for that matter!).

Anyway, the more serious question of joint accounts was put forward. I see having separate bank accounts as being similar to agreeing a pre-nuptial: planning for failure!! The trouble with individual account as it grows selfishness and can feed division in a relationship.

jellyhead

if you're intending to be with someone for life you shouldn't need separate accounts, i agree. my husband kept his (it's a joint account, he added my name) because eventually he hopes to rebuild his credit record, by proving to the bank that he can be responsible with money - there's a certain amount going in there each month for a few direct debits and extra money for him to spend as he wishes. we kept my bank accounts because i get higher interest, he gets none. i get debit cards, cheque books etc. and they are useful - plus we needed my bank to give us a loan based solely on me, ignoring him. my bank wouldn't add him to my account, and his bank wouldn't give him a proper account with cheque book. eventually we hope to have a joint account with the same bank.

i know women who are really dumb with money like you say, i also know some men, some people are bad with money, it's nothing to do with gender.

bargainqueen_2

I agree with you Jelly, at the end of the day people are different and therefore different with money. Anyway, even if men were always worse with money it would not make me become a lesbian, so I will have to deal with my partners difficulties. The thing is tho, it's easy to say "don't bail him out" but the alternative is for him to be inundated with bank fees and warnings and nothing will come of it. I mean, then the fees we have to pay are even bigger. And John is right I do see having to have separate accounts as a bit of a admission to failure. But then if with joint accounts failure really does happen it's even worse... Blimey I don't know at all what to do anymore now.

jellyhead

yes i see your point, it's difficult when one partner runs up large fees and the other realises it's a daft thing to do. i've never had 'savings' so i'm not in the same situation, but my husband would say that if your man is running up fees and spending too much he should be putting less into savings and seeing if he has anything left over at the end of the month then saving that - that's a male perspective for you lol! only joking, with my sister and her husband the situation was reversed, she was the one making all the mistakes with money.

me, i could live with barely having any savings, a wedding costing less than a thousand in total. can you?

donna-j_2

John_M_Business wrote:

I see having separate bank accounts as being similar to agreeing a pre-nuptial: planning for failure!! The trouble with individual account as it grows selfishness and can feed division in a relationship.

I couldn't DISagree more. We've got separate accounts for our salaries, then put most of it into a joint account for all the joint bills, going out etc. My OH and I have different approaches to spending and I want to be able to keep a little bit back to buy the things I like, without feeling guilty that I am spending our joint money. I can also keep a track of it easier that way. I'm about to go on maternity leave, and have saved up a fund for shoes etc when I'm off, so that I can know I've put aside that money and can spend it if I like.

We have different credit cards, different savings, different current accounts, as well as joint of all the above. For us it's about sharing on one hand but having responsibility for ourselves on the other.

Don't tar everyone with the brush that if you don't pull all your resources then the relationship is doomed (has worked for us for 10 years).

Kantankrus_Mare

I think as everybody and every couple are different, you have to go with what works for you personally.

What works for one couple wont work for another and as times have changed so much in the last few years with the women having to work and contribute to the family budget they get more say in how the money is spent.

How different to my mam and dads generation where housekeeping was given to the woman out of husbands wages and woman had to sort everything out.

If they DID work it was the womans money to keep for herself.

Hell if I could keep all my wages from both my jobs to myself i'd be very well off but then wouldnt have become addicted to this excellent site!!

bargainqueen_2

Jelly, I could not live without having savings as I still want to buy a house. A wedding for less than 1000 on the other hand would be no problem at all. I don't save for luxuries, I save for emergencies and because I was brought up to do that. How can that be wrong? Anyway, after telling me that we won't have much money this month OH went out and bought some brand new expensive ps2 game. Not supermarket, 2nd hand, no the most expensive shop there is. It just doesn't go down well ya know.
Donna maybe you are right and not everything is so one-sided. And if it works for you... I will open him a leisure account and have also suggested that every purchase over 25 will be discussed beforehand. Not sure it went down well but will see how we go. Sometimes I just want to cry.

jellyhead

ooooh, the PS2 is the work of satan, the number of financial arguments caused by buying games! :eek: my ex BIL used to argue that a game cost less than my sis would spend on new clothes and new shoes, haircuts and dyes at toni and guy, getting her nails done, sundbeds, etc. etc. in a week - so theoretically he should be able to b uy himself one every single week without her moaning about the cost. in my case i don't spend money on all the 'girly' stuff my sis does and i get my hair cut at the end of the street, i even wash it before i go and leave with it wet so i only pay for a wet cut - i don't spend the equivalent of a PS2 game every month on myself so my husband can't justify it in the same way that BIL used to lol!

being nosey, how much leisure money does your boyfriend have each month? i think it should be enough to cover a PS2 game every month.

John_M_Business

donna-j wrote:

I couldn't DISagree more. We've got separate accounts for our salaries, then put most of it into a joint account for all the joint bills, going out etc. My OH and I have different approaches to spending and I want to be able to keep a little bit back to buy the things I like, without feeling guilty that I am spending our joint money. I can also keep a track of it easier that way. I'm about to go on maternity leave, and have saved up a fund for shoes etc when I'm off, so that I can know I've put aside that money and can spend it if I like.

We have different credit cards, different savings, different current accounts, as well as joint of all the above. For us it's about sharing on one hand but having responsibility for ourselves on the other.

Don't tar everyone with the brush that if you don't pull all your resources then the relationship is doomed (has worked for us for 10 years).

What I was referring to was separate accounts. It seems to me that you have mainly shared funds... therefore I'm not sure how you could disagree so strongly. What I was referring to were the ones who keep their money 'hidden' from the other and just contribute where agreed.

Remember a classic story of a couple who got into sailing and when he cashed his pension - he went and bought a yacht. No conversation, no discussion, it arrived at their house on a transporter. They live 50 miles from the coast... it sounds hilarious until you realise that I'm talking about my FIL.

donna-j_2

John_M_Business wrote:

I see having separate bank accounts as being similar to agreeing a pre-nuptial: planning for failure!! The trouble with individual account as it grows selfishness and can feed division in a relationship.

I disagreed so strongly because of this. You didn't mention hidden accounts. You said separate accounts were like a pre-nup, which would surely consitute accounts that were known about, not hidden ones.

I suppose my own money in my current account and my savings account is 'hidden' in that my partner has no reason to see my bank statements. He can if he wants, he just doesn't need to.